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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Birthing Partners - How many are you allowed?

31 replies

SpringChicken · 12/01/2004 15:12

Just wondered really as we have made arrangements recently for DP's mum to take us to the hospital when labour starts.

I definitely want DP as my birthing partner and have absolutely no doubts about that but just wondered what the situation would be if, mid labour i wanted DP's mum to be there with me.

There is no way i would want her to be there over DP but if she was waiting at the hospital as she will be and i was asking after her would they let her in?

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Blu · 12/01/2004 15:17

I had two, no questions. When they started the tug'o'war with the ventouse, the obstetrician indicated that DP and BF should go and sit on chairs across the room, but I said I wanted them close, and there was no fuss.

lydialemon · 12/01/2004 15:36

I had Dh and my mum all three times, and no one said anything about it.

When I was pregnant with DS1 I had a threatened miscarriage and was kept in over night. Early that morning SIL went into labour and came into the same hospital. When I was discharged the next day, me and DH popped on to the labour ward to let MIL know we were OK. The midwife said it would be ok to go in and see SIL (I didn't - she sounded like she wasn't in the mood.... ) but if we had there would have been 4 of us in there - me, DH, MIL and SILs DH! This was at St Thomas' in London.

motherinferior · 12/01/2004 15:40

And it might be a very good idea to have someone else who's had a baby already there, you know.

lydialemon · 12/01/2004 15:48

I agree with MI, DH was lovely and wouldn't have been without him there, but I needed my mum to bully me through the hard bits

dinosaur · 12/01/2004 15:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

pie · 12/01/2004 15:50

I agree with MI, I had Ex-DH the first time, trauma city. Second time DH and Pupuce. Made a big difference having a woman who had been through it before.

Blu · 12/01/2004 16:08

Only have your MIL if you really want her and feel she would be the best person to be with you (in addition to your DP of course), don't have her just because she is the person giving you alift. The last thing you need in labour is to have to feel you have to be on any kind of 'social' behaviour, or to think of anyone other than yourself! I certainly wouldn't have wanted 'visitors'. If you are close, and you feel that you would like her there, prepare for it; share your birth plan with her, etc etc. (neither of my birth partners had had a baby themselves, I quite liked that - it meant they couldn't contradict me!!!)

Original poster

SpringChicken · 12/01/2004 16:21

Thanks everyone - just wondered if it varied in different hospitals really - having been trying to look up my local hospital on the internet but can't find anything about the number of birthing partners allowed!

I am very close to my DP's mum - i'm not saying i definitely want her to be there but i would like the option to be there should i be in mid labour screaming for her (as i will obviously know she is there, from taking us to the hospital).
Think i will raise the question with my midwife tomorrow - see what she says.

OP posts:

Loobie · 12/01/2004 19:46

I had two at all three labours, mum and dp at first two,bf and dp at last one.Ask your midwife about your particul;ar hospital she should be able to tell you,i think it's better to have more than one person with you then should labour drag on(sorry)the birth partner can always take a break and refresh to help keep you supported

popsycal · 12/01/2004 19:49

my sis had my mum and my other sis
no dp there at the time
but that is another long story

SofiaAmes · 12/01/2004 23:28

I had both my dh and my mum through both my labors. The only time they kicked one out was the first time round when I had an emergency c-section (after 40 hours of labor). My husband got to be with me that time. 2nd time around I had a haemmorage (sp?) and got rushed into theatre...that time my mother did the honors.

eddm · 12/01/2004 23:59

Do tell us what your m/w says SpringChicken. I had 3 people (dh and both my sisters) and no-one objected or said anything ... although maybe the fact that I spent the whole 7 hours in hospital yelling 'f**k' repeatedly shut them up Wasn't planned, BTW, but my youngest sister gave the rest of us a lift and ended up being dragged in because apparently I wouldn't let her leave! Obviously didn't put her off because she's now expecting a baby due just before my ds's first birthday...

mears · 13/01/2004 13:45

Our unit has a policy of one birth partner in the room at a time. Others may be there and they take turns with only one person being present at the delivery. However, if a woman wants more than one person she writes to the senior midwife and the request is not refused.
The reason for restricting people is that they have been known to get in the way when complications arive. Many women do not want their MIL but are too afraid to say, so it is a get out clause for them. Too many people can actually disrupt the flow of labour.

I do not have a problem with 2 people in the room but I do have a problem with lots of relatives waiting in the relatives room just outside the labour ward. In order to get into the room they have to press a buzzer because of security. Midwives have to leave the woman they are looking after to let them in. If someone has 6 people outside, the buzzer is constantly going. Plus they get bored and buzz to find out what is going on if they haven't heard anything for a few hours.

My advice is to discuss with your DH who you want there. If you want your MIL that is fine. At the end of the day it is your delivery and your choice. It also allows your DH to get away to eat etc. However, any more people than that is not a good idea really.

The other thing I would say is advise friends and relatives not to phone the hospital either. Again a lot of midwives' time is taken up answering the phone then running up and down corridors to get permission to give out information which is usually along the lines of 'yes, she is doing fine. Still in labour - they will phone you when there is news'.

My family was warned not to phone the hospital - we would call them when there was news - especially MIL was warned

M2T · 13/01/2004 13:55

Mears - I was quite annoyed when I was in hospital that the Midwives wouldn't give any info to people that phoned. I didn't care who knew what and I would've gladly signed something to give permission for my progress to be given in detail over the phone if necessary.
My entire family were in Ibiza (Mum, Dad, brothers and Gran). My Mum phoned on several occasions which cost her a fortune and was told nothing. She nearly got a flight home!!! And I couldn't phone her back afterwards as the payphone didn't allow me to. I was really upset and so was she.
Isn't there anything that patients can sign to give consent to midwives to give info to people over the phone?
My best friend was given an emergency C-section and when I phoned to ask how she was they wouldn't even tell me if the baby was born and Mum and baby were alive (which thankfully they both were)! Surely they can tell you if the baby has been born yet?

mears · 13/01/2004 14:03

Yes we give information (after permission) that the baby has been born.
The thing is M2T, although you have no problems regarding information being given out, there are a number of women who do. There are women who are estranged from their partners, their partners family or even their own family. In order to make sure mistakes are not made in a busy labour ward, no information is given out until the woman is told who is on the phone and what information can be given. Sometimes women are shocked to hear it is the next door neighbour or someone from work. They do not want everyone knowing their business.
My own BIL was upset after his first dd was born because his mother phoned and was told the news just as sge was born. When he phoned the family, everyone already knew because his mother beat him to it.

dinosaur · 13/01/2004 14:05

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M2T · 13/01/2004 14:07

Wouldn't that be solved by signing a consent form though? It could even be in your birthing plan.

Oh I would have liked for everyone to know before DH phoned them, so I see the point in that respect. But surely once the baby was born you would just need to ask the parents once if it was ok to confirm the birth if anyone phoned?

M2T · 13/01/2004 14:08

OOOOPS! I mean I would NOT have liked everyone else to know.....

mears · 13/01/2004 14:13

Yes we do have information restriction notices but it still doesn't address the problem of any old person phoning - you have no idea how many women are surprised about who is on the phone asking foinfo and they don't always want anyone other than family knowing. Half the excitement is phoning peolpe yourselves.
Forgot to say that bith partners can usualyy speak directly to overseas callers on our phone.

eddm · 13/01/2004 14:14

I understand your policy Mears but maybe your unit is fortunate in having decent staffing levels? I was very grateful for having both sisters as well as dh because there was only one midwife to SEVEN women in the delivery ward ? this was a midwife led unit. She wanted to send me home (contractions 2 mins apart) but before I could go I reached the point of demanding entonox (spelling?). I know other people have had midwife with them throughout but mine wasn't around much with result that I had a third-degree tear because there was no-one to stop me pushing too soon. Another thread suggested that this could be a reason for having a caesarian next time around ? do you know if this is the case? PS I'm not a troll, just had to change my chat name.

Original poster

SpringChicken · 13/01/2004 14:21

Thanks for also giving that side of it Mears - got a feeling my hospital might operate the same regulations as i have not heard of anyone having more than one birthing partner there.

Forgot to ask my midwife today - will make sure i remember next time though

OP posts:

mears · 13/01/2004 14:27

There are mixed viesw on that one eddm. I have delivered women who have had third dgree tears before and who didn't have a problem next time round. Depends really what the individual woman wants really. A caesarean is not something that would be denied a woman who had problems with a previous vaginal delivery. Howvere, not all women would want a C/S. It is not something that is offered to women routinely where I work. Those women who do have C/S usually request it themselves.

dinosaur · 13/01/2004 14:27

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Blu · 13/01/2004 14:41

Given the pressure of staffing, I certainly would prefer MW, and all ward staff, to be getting on with their jobs, and not answering the phone to relatives inquiring about progress. Controlling relatives is one of those essential ante-natal jobs!

Kayleigh · 13/01/2004 15:06

I had two. Dh and bf. Couldn't have done it without both of them.

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