Probably a silly question but how do you STOP pushing?

[ICompletelyKnowAboutGuineaPigs]

When I had DS I found the labour really hard/painful but the pushing felt like a relief because my body just took over. I remember the MWs telling me not to push at one many point but I really couldn't. I ended up with a third degree tear.

I've heard that 'breathing the baby out' can minimise the risk of tearing...but actually how does one does this?

OK. Breathe out with your mouth open, with little pants. Like a puppy. Now, try and push on your pelvic floor?..

if you can't, you can't! As you say, your body takes over and unless you have done lots of yogic breathing (or similar) you will be in no state of mind to think 'ok, i'll open my mouth and pant like a puppy' cos the head will be out by then. Breathing the baby out does not minimise the risk of tearing, there is no evidence to support any particular way of delivering the baby's head. Individual midwives will use techniques based on their own training/experience. I don't favour it because it involves bawling directions to a woman far off in her own world of labour and very few women are in any state to respond tbh. Your third degree tear will not be as a result of any management of delivery by you or the midwives, it will probably be sheer bloody bad luck, often the damage is caused higher up the birth canal before baby's head is even visible (by a hand, shoulder etc). If you have an unmedicated labour or labour in water you stand a better chance of responding to your body's cues at the crucial moment and letting baby birth slowly thereby stretching the tissues. Antenatal perineal massage may also help.
But believe me, if there was a foolproof way of preventing perineal trauma, I would be doing it! Good luck.

A friend of mine did hypnobirthing and swears blind she didn't push at all! I'm not sure how it works exactly but it may be worth looking into. I couldn't stop pushing either but thankfully only had a second degree tear.

I wanted to with no. 2 but I just couldn't, it was over welming

I had no drugs at all and no interference (no internals, no Doppler and no touching). I was amazed when my doula said 'it's okay if you want to stop panting, it's all very slow and controlled'

I suddenly thought 'I'm panting?'

Thanks for the advice. Mayhew I tried panting with my mouth open and pushing and it really hindered it! When I pushed I just stopped breathing! Will try and imprint the technique into my brain ready for DC3s arrival.

I would like to do a natal hypnotherapy course, primarily so that I don't feel as overwhelmed with the experience as I did last time (DD was born by ELCS partly due to the bad experience of labour/tear from last time). I would really like to achieve a vbac so I'm trying to mentally prepare earlier than last time when I really knew nothing helpful about labouring or birthing

Last time I had an episiotomy and have also heard that these can extend tears as they weaken the tissue. I think that they needed to do one because DS was a ventouse delivery but are they alwasy necessary? Can you ask them not to do one unless absolutely necessary (or is that just stating the obvious?)

I couldn't not push with any of mine. I wasn't even consiously doing it to be honest, my body just did it anyway.

An episiotomy is performed for an instrumental delivery, and depending on the scenario for a ventouse/kiwi also. They are sometimes performed if the perineum seems tight and the midwife/doctor is concerned that any tear will be worse than a (hopefully small) cut. They can also be performed for fetal distress when the midwife/doctor would like the baby out sooner rather than later (as in a birth I was present at this weekend) but this should always be discussed and consented to before being carried out. Asking your caregivers to not do it unless necessary is stating the obvious but it doesn't mean you can't say it!
Doctors tend to perform larger episiotomies than midwives, and in this case they do risk extending into a 3rd or 4th degree tear.
There is no knowing what will happen in advance (for example I have looked after a woman with 2 previous episiotomies and a previous 3rd degree tear and this time she had no perineal trauma at all) but either hypnobirthing or natal hypnotherapy can certainly help.

Thank you Reikizen I will continue on diligently with my natal hypnotherapy and chilling-out-about-the-whole-thing mission

I had a ventouse but didn't get cut, mind you might have been better if I had, I ended up with a two way 2nd degree

I did natal hypnotherapy. I still like a bastard and couldn't do anything to stop it. It just took over my body and I pushed for hours (1am I started, transferred to hospital at about 5.30am ish and DS was born at 8am)

With my first labour (induced) I had a third degree tear - forceps, episiotomy extended. This time I had forceps and an episiotomy but no tearing. A lot of it is purely the luck of the draw. The natal hypnotherapy did help to a certain extent with the earlier stages of labour though.

I'm with you, OP. With DS I couldn't not push; it felt entirely involuntary.

With DD I managed the 'panting'/not pushing... but then I did not really have the massive 'urge to push' as I did with DS. The last contraction I had with DD the MW said 'Slowly, stop, slowly, pant...' and I said 'I'm sorry; I can't' (and this was what the whole of Stage 2 was like with DS) - fortunately she just came out in a flurry of juice and was significantly smaller (8lb 1oz), so I only got a 'scratch' and no stitches.

DS was 9lb 11oz and I got a 'bad' 2nd degree. Didn't affect me much afterwards though, thank goodness.

The hour of "not pushing" of my labour was by far the worst hour of my life... Apparently I wasn't dilated enough to push (according to obstetrician) but I could feel the head go down with every contraction (and then go back again). My midwife had me on my side, legs together, flat on the bed, to try and discourage me pushing.

It was awful. My body knew what it was doing, after an hour I got the "it's ok to push" all clear and I got on my knees and it was such a relief to actually push! But I hardly tore and everything was ok in the end, and although I will never forget that hour of not pushing, the important thing was we were both ok at the end.

You could also try and slow things down by going on all fours and putting your head and shoulders lower than your bum. I didn't have the presence of mind to try it (and tore) but it was a tip I picked up on an active birth course.

I had to ask the midwife how to push! I didn't know how I was supposed to know what to do!