Sex after birth

[Sexlesskitten]

I've namechanged to talk about sex. I'm slightly ashamed not to be more out and proud on this, but hey ho.

I had DD six weeks ago. I tore but am all nicely healed. It feels a bit different 'down there' but DH reckons it looks much as it did. I was all set for sex, although more in a getting the first time over way than in a rampaging libido one. So we find five baby-free minutes and get it on.

Well. Sausage down the Channel Tunnel or what? I've been doing 100 pelvic floor exercises a day. The GP said my pelvic floor was in good shape and tested my exercise technique. But for the first time in my life, I had to ask if it was in yet. Is this the new me? Or does this get better? DH found it a bit different but no barrier to success. Although he was at teenage boy point by now, so that doesn't necessarily mean much.

We tried 3 weeks after and whilst is wasn't painful it was a bit uncomfortable right inside, I guess at my cervix, but also there was a lack of feeling more externally and I think that's normal but it does come back in time. Are you breastfeeding? because that can makes things feel a bit dry and at the same time kind of loose or less toned than usual. I think it's a gradual process of getting the muscle tone back, but if you're bf-ing, it may not be exactly how it was before until weaning starts when your relaxin hormone levels drop. Relaxin does contribute to the feeling of having a weak/loose pelvic floor. Pelvic floor exercises work but you have to do them hundreds of times a day really - I did and still do mine whilst feeding my LO so at first that was almost constantly! I found that the ones where you do the lift going up and down three "floors" or stages were really difficult at first - I just couldn't feel anything after the first two "floors" so I guess my pelvic floor muscles were getting fatigued very quickly to begin with. I think that's completely normal, but if you are really concerned you could ask your GP for a referral to obst/gyne specialist. Did you have SPD or any problems with pelvic alignment during pregnancy or during the birth? If so, seeing a physiotherapist and doing the exercises they give you to do at home will help, as good pelvic floor strength and tone is reliant partly on good pelvic bone alignment in the first place.

Six weeks is nothing. If your technique is OK then I'd imagine it would just be more time that you need.

How severe was the tear? Is it possible you had a bit of nerve damage?

Oh, I should have said I didn't tear, so I can't really advise on whether the tearing and scarring may be contributing, though I guess it may not help. It is possible that it will take a bit longer to get the tone back after a tear, but I think it's usual even after a tear to have a complete recovery.

I should add I had a 3a tear so pretty nasty, and at 6 weeks things didn't feel 'right' and I basically accepted that that's how it was given the size of the tear and the use of forceps.

DD is now 15mo, and for me things are probably better than pre-DD

Thanks for replying. The tear was second degree, so possible I think. I could feel most of the event, and had no trouble orgasming from external stimulation (the norm for me). It was just the spaciousness of it all that bothered me.

I've been too lazy for the lift steps exercises so I clearly need to take myself in hand and get going on that. I did have SPD pretty badly, although also had quite a bit of sex in late pregnancy for those elusive prostaglandins and it all felt normal then. I'm seeing the physio soon as things are still a bit sore so hopefully I'll come away with new exercises.

I had the opposite after stitches it was too tight and gp thought I should be pleased - sex just hurt. dh and I had to completely re-learn how to have sex. Felt like teens again and I had to really support dh that he wasn't doing anything "wrong" we just needed to change things as what I liked and didn't like completely changed - in honesty it probably took almost a year but all fine now.

Don't want to scare you, just don't beat yourself up. At 6 weeks (the day before my check-up) I said to dh "can we try and see how it goes so I can mention it at my check up" - what a turn on, poor dh!

I'm Erika Thompson. Independent midwife in Ringwood and surrounding areas. Don't worry. It's early days and your pelvic floor will improve. Over time you will notice it come back again. Take things slowly and don't worry too much. Keep going with the pelvic floor exercises!

Well mine hasn't improved! My Dd is 4.6 now and although I currently have no sex life, I know that things are not great down there at all :(

Hi OP,
Me and DH did it at 6 weeks and I felt my muscle tone was rubbish. By about 4 months it was getting much better and carried on improving. My perineum (where the stitches had been) was sore on entry (TMI?) for 10 - 12 months but this is also normal now (18m +) and I basically don't feel any different during sex.
I'd say my pelvic floor isn't perfect though as when I strain on the loo, I can feel the muscles trying to give a bit and it feels a wee bit like I might push my inside ladybits out. But I just tend not to strain much (scared of piles!) so it's not something that worries me much.
I used to do my exercises in the night, after feeding DD, I'd get back into bed and do a round of pelvic floor exercises just before going back to sleep!
Good luck x