Terrified about Labour no 2.........what was yours like - bigger babies/longer times?

[davidtennantsmistress]

DS was born (by the time I go in) 5.5 years ago,

Tore quite badly, espisotomy (sp) epidoodle, gas & air being inhaled like it was oxygen . Waters went at 9am (quite civilised on the loo, was 4 cm by 12 then 6 by 2 (ended up in hospital at this point as I was flooding pads with blood every half hour or so, 10cm at midnight & ds born 2.5 hours later with the vontouse thingy. took about an hour to re stitch me. :( and he was only 7lb! (oh and he was at 38+6

anyhow, no 2 is on it's way (20+5) so a bit of time yet, but am concerned it will be:-

a) the same awful experience
b) the MW's will be too busy to help (with DS was only me birthing at the time)
c) the baby will be about 9lb +
d) I go over/under by to much.

so questions are are 2nd's bigger/smaller/quicker/longer than your first?

I think my muscles are all ok again after DS.

My good friend had a very nasty tear with her dd1. Required immediate surgery, 25 stitches and took a long time to heal. Her dd was 7lbs. Labour was very long and she struggled immensely afterwards.

She's had 3 more children, all vaginally. No more tearing, all babies bigger than the first. All labours progressively faster. Ds2 (dc4) was born in under an hour.

I have nearly 7 years between my two.
DS was born at 40+4 he weighed 8lb 6 oz
DD was born at 40 and she weighed 7lb 13oz.
Both labours very quick, small tear with first one, nothing with second. Gas and air with first, nothing with second.

how big were they do you know? i'm honestly terrified of having a big baby and not being able to birth vaginally.

fwiw with mum I was 0.5oz heavier than brother at the same time scale - not sure if that makes any difference? DP was roughly the same weigh born as XH but they're different builds (one tall and lanky the other shorter and rounder .)

are girls typically smaller?

I have lots of friends who have had second babies recently.

Without exception, they have all said that second labours were quicker and easier. One friend had a 3 day labour first time and 2 hours second!! A couple said the crowning stage was slightly more painful second time, and the afterpains were stronger. Also at least half of the second babies were smaller than the first ones.

Please don't worry about not being able to give birth due to the baby's weight. It's not that relevant unless it's an extreme case. What makes the difference is head circumference and positioning.

DD was 7lbs and utterly, utterly unbirthable, needed a lot of intervention and finally an emcs. It turned out that her position was all wrong. Her size was fine.

Second was much much easier birth experience. First was induction, epidural, ventouse, hundred stitches awfulness.

But I was much more assertive about the whole birth thing second time around - stayed upright and mobile throughout, avoided induction, interventions (including having waters broken 'to help me along' as long as I possibly could).

It's gonna happen anyway, just go in as positive as you can be and tell your MW(s) what you do and don't want, clearly, and regularly, and coach your birth partner to speak for you if you can't.

There's nowt wrong with sucking down the gna or having an epi if you need it!!

I've only got one myself but all the women I've supported as a doula have had much faster, easier labours with their second (some after really traumatic first deliveries). Babies have been the same size or a little bigger.

Have you thought about a doula? Can make a real difference both helping you prepare in advance, work through your last birth and make plans for how you want this one to be. Also she'll support you continuously throughout your labour so it'll never be you left alone. Have a look at www.doula.org.uk for local doulas (trainees will work for under £200) and I've got a second-timers birth story here hackneydoula.co.uk/?page_id=166 - her labour was much shorter, her baby exactly the same size.

Have you considered a water birth? Can really help to reduce the chances of tearing, as can asking to be allowed to follow your body's own pushing instincts rather than be directed to push. More about water births here hackneydoula.co.uk/?tag=water-birth-2.

PM me if you'd like me to help you find someone local to you.

ok and breath lol. are there any techniques or anything you can do? breathing & to keep calm etc. i'll talk to my M/W, but also i'm unhappy that the mw I see all through the pg is not the one at the delivery sweet - they have their own set you 'meet on the day' quite anxious about having a stranger helping me with that as again with DS there was about 6 midwifes and i'd met them all several times so was sure to have a familiar face at least.

it's a second, but in so many ways feels like a first again - and more worried - prob as I know what's coming. :(

thanks squiggly, i'm hoping DP will be home, if not will be mum,

this time I want to stay upright (once I was laying down that was it with DS, also wanted a water birth but the epi put pay to that (i'm sure that was part of the trouble) so keen not to have one again as I couldn't feel anything below & the contractions were coming up on the monitors.

I think DP will tell them for sure what I want to happen & go on - however he's already said if the worse happened he'd tell them to concentrate on me and not the baby/just get the baby out. :( I think. I'd prefer them to concentrate on the baby.

Please tell your midwife how worried you are. You sound traumatised. Can I tell you that you did nothing wrong last time? You didn't fail? There are people who can help you through this.

I was in water, upright, mobile, no drugs, nowt. Still ended up with a blue light transfer, all sorts of attempts to drag her out and an emcs.

You don't fail or succeed at birth. You have to go into this knowing how much of it is luck or you'll come out the other side of it with the same or worse feelings as last time.

First 24 hours 7lbs 2oz 30 minute pushing, grazes.
Second 12 hr 8Lbs 2oz 2 minute pushing no grazes and crowning no where near as painful. Second birth much easier.

DS2 was a bit smaller, arrived in a third of the time. Have you thought about getting a doula (look at the Doula UK website). I had one for both my births and she was fantastic - made a huge difference and I think her presence played an enormous part in my having a good experience. Doulas are very good at helping make sure you get the birth you want - I think it's difficult for partners to stand up to midwives when necessary, because they're so scared (and have a lot less experience of birth than doulas). My DH said the doula made a big difference for him as well - he could concentrate on supporting me without wondering when/whether he should intervene.

I will do soh. here it seems you're left alone, I saw her at 16 weeks with DP, then I had my 20 week scan at 19+3 (managed to get it early as DP away) this btw was just the sonographer and not any MW chats or anything next is a consultant apt as I have the combined care at 25 weeks, so the next time I see my MW is 28 weeks, then I think it's every 4 weeks until 36 weeks then every 2. There doesn't seem to be much support. I know all is well - having kicks etc, and not wanting to seem a nag etc but an honestly scared stiff.

First , 6 hours, 3 stiches 3,7kg

second 1.5 hours, no stiches, 4.4kg

So, although Ds was about 1lb heavier than DD was, labour was shorter and easier.

All the best!

The care is pretty similar here. Do you like your consultant? Have you even met them? I surprised myself by finding that an excellent consultant made all the difference. I wasn't keen on the medicalised side of things but in terms of choice, referral for counselling and discussion of what will be possible on the day, my consultant has been brilliant. And he is ALWAYS at the end of a phone/email. Midwives are too stretched to be reliably available (though excellent when I have seen them).

not seeing him until may. I think perhaps some form of council ling will help - the day after I had DS I had 2 blood transfusions, XH wasn't allowed to stay past 8pm (and would get there when he choose- ie 11 or 12) and I had an awful horrid 'doctor' who decided to give me an internal less than 24 hours after having DS and stating 'oh yes mrs DTM you are quite tender, & swollen down there, you have an infection but we don't know where' of course I was bloody tender & swollen i'd ben cut torn stitched and had the cap thing!

fingers crossed no 2 will be like shelling a pea a nice tiny 6lb with a small head. lol.

DS was 39+6 and 7lbs 11ozs
DD was 42 weeks. I was induced and she was 8lbs 9 ozs

I don't think I felt the difference in terms of size. Both births quite similar although I have to say my level of care was much worse with DD. I tore with both but pushing in both cases lasted less than five mins so it's not surprising I suppose. I did both with gas and air and tens machine.

I definitely definitely felt more in control with 2nd labour though. It was like I went into autopilot and just knew what to do. Much less fearful etc.

Oh please seek some help. I had dd late at night. I'd had an episiotomy, attempted ventouse, attempted manual rotation and emergency caesarean. DH was kicked out immediately and I was plonked on a ward with no buzzer and didn't see a soul all night. I was discharged the following morning, 12hrs post cs because they needed the bed. DD hadn't even fed. I had nightmares and flashbacks for years before I finally had a panic attack in front of a doctor (who needed to do an internal) and was referred for counselling.

I couldn't even bear the idea of sex let alone getting pregnant again. But counselling and a decent consultant who offered there and then to do whatever I wanted (elcs, vbac, water whatever) should I have a 2nd made all the difference.

I understand the need to 'know' now what will happen, to control it. And I think you can control some things. But learning to accept the bits you can't will help you I think.

thanks for your imput all of you - hopefully i'll go into auto pilot as you put it lime.

soh - yes I will do, my M.W knows what happened however as I don't have any notes from then (was in wales and i'm not in the south) she didn't seem to think my notes could catch me up as it were - not sure how true that is - will be asking my consultant, however from memory with DS all the consultant then did was a quick scan said yes he's going to be a big baby, and you'll prob go over so we'll see you again on your due date - erm right yes cheers for that!

have found a doula in my area so will ahve a chat to DP about that - if not may well see if mum can be on standby as well incase (she's my birthing partner if DP is away still, so if DP is in agreance (which I knw he will to be fair)) then i'll see if she can come with us to help out if I need her to.

With my first labour lasted around 31 hours from very first contraction till the birth. But from getting to the hospital was around 4 hours and 50 mins till she was born.
Gave birth naturally using gas and air. Baby was in back to back position. Experienced a third degree tear which required me to have an epidural after the birth to have over 100 stitches.

Second baby- labour laster around 10 hours and 45 mins from first contraction. She was born 1 hour and 45 mins after getting to hospital. Another natural birth with gas and air. Another back to back baby, with another third degree tear which resulted in yet another epidural after the birth and around 80 stitches.

Both times I was home by tea time of the same day of delievery.

Oh first baby weighed 7Ibs 12oz. Second was 8Ibs and a quarter oz

My 1st labour was 19 hours of horribleness, including syntocinon drip, epidural, episiotomy, midwife telling me off for screaming, pooing myself continuously because I'd spent the last 2 months of pregnancy so bunged up with iron tablets. It was awful. Agonising, humiliating, horrible, horrible experience. DS was the only good bit!
My second labour was 3.5 hours from start to finish, and went like an absolute dream. It was the most life-affirming experience I have ever had.
I hope your 2nd is like mine.

wow jester, I was in 5 days with DS - only good thing tbh.

have booked a growth scan at 28 weeks (mostly so I can send pic's to DP, & for mum to come & us do the bonding thing) so will see how bubs is looking, & will be seeing the m/w around then as well.

I think feeling more in control will help? - hopefully.

I'm pleased this thread has appeared. I'm due tomorrow with second and seem much more nervous this time round (probably because I am aware of what happens). However, am I being a right eejit as my first delivery was pretty good - though long. First contraction to baby was about 48 hours, 2nd degree tear but only paracetamol and hypnobirthing got me through it.
It's good to read about the quick labours second time round, just wish it would hurry up and appear so I can stress about having a new born and toddler instead of labour. Today would be a good day - 3.5 hours would suit me fine thank you.

lol. jarrassic, what's hypnobirthing?