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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Am I selfish for not wanting to give my baby clothes away yet? : (

23 replies

arizonagirl · 03/12/2010 18:44

Question I need to ask everyone.

I had our last (fourth) baby three weeks ago. He is gorgous and I am slowly coming to terms that there will be no babies - really makes me sad but I am accepting it.

We have a few pregnant friends and dh wants me to immediately give all our baby clothes away in the next few weeks. I just can't bring myself to yet - I know there is only a remote chance of having any more (dh is sure and I am 90 percent sure). But I just don't want to give all my little ones things away just yet. I was beginning to feel fine about things but now I am getting tearful at the thought of it. Dh says I am being selfish and we should be helping our friends out. He also says I am having mental issues over this - really made me cross.

Sooooo - am I being selfish? I just can't be objective about this anymore - it just makes me feel sad giving everything away while I still hold my newborn .

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Original poster

arizonagirl · 03/12/2010 18:45

Sorry - didn't read it through - I can spell - honest

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Sparklies · 03/12/2010 18:59

I don't think you're selfish. With DC2, we knew she was not our last but we decided to get rid of a whole bunch of stuff anyway at a nearly new sale as we had too much of it.

She was only 4 months old but had obviously outgrown some of the preemie and newborn things. It was DH's idea, I wanted to hold on a bit.

I found it surprisingly easy to get rid of DC1's old stuff that DC2 had never worn, but when it came to DC2.. not as easy. I thought I would just grin and bear it but I still regret it even now Yet I know if I was looking at that same stuff to get rid of now I'd find it a lot easier.

It's still too fresh for you.. only time, like maybe even years, will make it any easier. I don't think you're being unreasonable, especially as the months after birth are hardly when we're at our most mentally stable anyway!!

Others may have different opinions, but I just wanted you to know I would, and have, felt exactly the same way.

nickytwotimes · 03/12/2010 19:03

I was delighted to get shot of the baby stuff, but it is a personal thing.

Give yourslef a bit of time. No big rush, is there?

Mercedes519 · 03/12/2010 19:08

Arizona, do you think your DH is worried about that last 10% you're not sure about? Maybe he sees you giving the clothes away as a way of being sure it is your last?

But it is really soon, and like you've got time for this with 4 DC's!

alarkaspree · 03/12/2010 19:09

Could you lend the baby stuff to your friends? My friends passed on stuff to me in between babies, and I did the same. Then you're helping them but it's not too final.

Bue · 03/12/2010 19:17

My mother still has a drawer full of her favourite baby outfits. I am 30 and my sister is 27 . You are not being selfish at all.

lala21 · 03/12/2010 20:02

oh no not being selfish at all, its early days too after just having baby. Why not wait a bit it can't do any harm at all. My mum still had a few things that she kept for me and my sister i'm 33 and she's 27.

Marjee · 03/12/2010 20:03

You are not being selfish at all! 3 weeks old is still newborn and your hormones are bound to be all over the place still. Imo (feel free to ignore ) thinking about whether to have another baby or not is pressure you don't need right now. Just put the things in the attic when hes outgrown them just until you know for sure whether you will need them again or not. Your pg friends will manage and if/when you decide to give them away you're bound to find someone who will be grateful for them.

In the meantime enjoy that little baby

Highlandgirl · 03/12/2010 23:20

My Mum kept her favorite bits of our clothes, from babygrowns, kitted jumpers and pretty dresses.

Now nearly 29 years on, I'm having a baby and can't wait to put mini in something my own Mum knitted for me. I'm so glad she kept them...it's not selfish it's a lovely keepsake.

Your baby isn't even a month old, you shouldn't be rushing to do anything..esp with 3 older children.

xxxx

Original poster

arizonagirl · 04/12/2010 00:11

Thank you so much for your responses - feel so much better for that. I know this is almost certainly our last but I don't want to dwell on that at the moment. Just want it to sink in slowly and realise in five years time that this was our last little bundle. It just seems like giving our things away makes it all so real and make me accept it right now. I just feel it's too early - my flippin' stitches haven't even healed yet fgs!!!

I guess the reason my dh keeps mentioning it is that we have lots of pregnant friends at the moment and he thinks I am being selfish holding onto things when we won't be using them again. I know he is right but men just seem so detached from the whole emotional side of things sometimes. I am feeling really sad about this being our last but accepting it is the right thing to do so I have enough time for my wonderful 4dc. But that is my head talking!!! If I went with my heart there would probably be another one - good job dh is keeping me on the straight and narrow. I do wonder if he is enjoying the power thing though as he keeps joking and telling me to enjoy my last born, my last time holding a three week baby etc. He is only joking but it does make me dwell on things more than I would otherwise . Just kind of makes you realise how mortal you are with this stage of my life over. Sorry to sound so miserable - I'm not, I am the luckiest girl with 4 wonderful children. I have been really blessed.

Alarkaspree - I like your idea of just loaning them out. My sister is pregnant at the moment so that would be much easier than just giving them away to friends and cutting ties. Perhaps dh is right and this is a mental issue!!!

OP posts:

Sparklies · 04/12/2010 00:22

Tell your DH to stop with the jokes! Mine is just the same over stuff like this and it really does make things worse even if it's "jokey". It hurts.

Maybe loaning them to your sister would be a great compromise as they'd still be in the family then. If any of my siblings were expecting I think I'd be fine with doing that too :)

Original poster

arizonagirl · 04/12/2010 00:25

Thanks for the sweet comment Sparklies.

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ChippingIn · 04/12/2010 00:29

YANBU - tell DH to feck off. Now is not the time to be throwing out baby clothes. Tell him that until he has carried the baby and had the hormones he has no right to tell you what is and what isn't 'mental'

Timeforanap · 04/12/2010 00:42

YANBU. I felt "selfish" about baby clothes after having DC4 (now 10months) and was trying to sort baby clothes to give away, finding it quite distressing. DH suggested that it was too soon, even tho' he was surer than me DC4 was the last and he thinks we need less clutter in the house (about which he is right). Anyway, it was such a relief to be given permission to wait for a bit. And that was sorting out the 0-3 months stuff - 3 weeks is crazily soon, you should be barely out of bed yet!

duchesse · 04/12/2010 00:47

Don't want to worry your DH but giving my baby clothes away was what got me pregnant after 6 years ttc. Ok, maybe not, but the timing was eery.

MissTFied · 04/12/2010 00:56

I understand where you are coming from.

I am pg with dc4 and have to accept that this will (probably) be our last. I can imagine I will be feeling a bit sad after this one's birth, but obviously overjoyed too because we are very lucky.

I've spent most of my adult life thinking about when I have a family and it will certainly feel like the end of an era.

My lovely babies will all be grown up soon (she says with the eldest just coming up to 5)!

Original poster

arizonagirl · 04/12/2010 09:44

He he - great reply duchesse . MissTFied - you sound so like me - I know how lucky I am but am sad it is the end of an era. Wow, I thought mine were close in age but yours are even closer. Thanks everyone for the comments and making me accept I don't have mental issues afterall

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octopusinabox · 04/12/2010 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFuleSno · 04/12/2010 17:46

It sounds more like your DH has the mental problem as he is so focused on it!

Fibilou · 04/12/2010 21:15

I'm only giving some of my baby clothes away - adn it took me months to do that.

Your husband is being an idiot

blackeyedsusan · 08/12/2010 22:54

Tell him that they work like a contraceptive. If you give them away, sod's law will dictate that you have an "accident."

Can't face giving my dcs clothes away. (2y5m on) Anyway some of the smaller stuff will save a fortune on dolls clothes!

Missymoomum · 10/12/2010 07:08

I don't think your selfish at all. My 2 DC's are nearly 4 and 2 and i still can't bring myself to get rid of their newborn clothes and tbh i don't think i ever will. I recently had a clear out of their larger clothes and sold lots on ebay but i have still kept outfits that have special memories or that they looked cute in.

MarmiteMagic · 15/12/2010 15:50

I don't think you're selfish at all.

Try explaining to your DH that they're not just baby clothes - they're memories too.

I've got boxes of DD's clothes all neatly stored in the attic - DP thinks I'm being thrifty and saving them for when we have another. Little does he know I'm keeping them all even if we have a boy next time!

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