Ending it with DD private psychotherapist

[Whentoretire]

DD was struggling earlier in the year and was desperate to talk to someone about how crap she was feeling.constantly thinking about death and having extreme anxiety to the exclusion of all other thoughts. We got her a private therapist as we were desperate and CAHMS put her on the waiting list so she could have therapy on the OCD circular thoughts she was having. Finally with therapy and medication she’s a lot happier. The CAHMS appointment has come through and DH said he was really good etc. she has to stop with the private therapy if she can use CAHMS. She’s really sad now as she likes the sessions as they talk about her stories and draw art etc in them. If we refuse CAHMS she’d lose the resource. WWYD? The private therapy is killing us financially and hubby may be made redundant in the NY and I’m having a few issues at work so I’m a bit worried for my job also. But it’s been so nice to see her on a level!

U think it's important for her to realise that she csn get help form different people and if you can't afford private therapy any longer it's lucky she's got the chance to use CAMHs.

I'd absolutely go with CAMHS. It's important that she doesn't get so attached to her therapist that she's unhappy without her. Plus, ultimately, you can't afford it.

Take a break from the private. You can always go back to them. Camhs is hard to come by. I hope she feels better soon.

You can resume the other if Camhs doesn't work out. But it's really hard to get it so don't waste the opportunity.

Explain that the other won't last forever regardless as it's so expensive. She must know private therapy ain't cheap?

CAMHS will include other services too if needed so I would definitely not lose it. They can diagnose neuro diversity, medicate if required etc. all things which the private psychotherapist probably can't do. I would be wary of things getting better, they can get worse again and if you're already 'in the system' it will be easier to reconnect with services.

Thanks. She’s already diagnosed with autism and ADHD so is in the system and on they medication but getting help through psychotherapy is difficult. Long waiting list so she’s only just got to the front of the Q. She wanted to talk someone - not just have the medication. But yes you are right!

I'm going to give the opposite advice, go to a couple of CAHMS sessions, see but I would not let a good psychotherapist go, especially if they have awareness of ND and she is stable there. I have been in CAMHS many times with my children and found them far less able to deal with ND, divergent presentations and what was offered in terms of therapy was not long-term, one had about 6 sessions, another one had a psychiatrist who wasn't really a psychiatrist.

It wasn't high quality psychotherapy at all.

Just my opinion, if there's a way to see what's on offer, I'd do that, but the assessment was the thorough part, the follow therapy rather thin, better than nothing, but the thing that helped my children was being in stable long-term therapy with someone experienced with ND, a couple of good years, and then able to move on with a good toolkit of coping strategies. A few weeks of therapy or family therapy can't compete with that.

I think if a therapeutic alliance has been set up, there's no need to break that for a while. Therapy for this age group who are troubled is about finding someone who gets to know them, gets to support them over months and years, and sees who they are, it's very much about acceptance and consistency. If this was after two years and the OP's dd had stalled, it would be different, but if there's been good progress and she's better, why would you worry about dependence at this stage?

If needs must and there's no money, then fair enough but I would borrow money and keep the working psychotherapy going, I paid for years for my dd and it helped stabilise things enormously as she had another adult to rely on for that time who gave her uncritical acceptance and support. Kind of like an aunt might have done in the past before we all lived a long way away from each other.

I would give CAMHS a shot before deciding anything. Do couple of sessions, put private on pause (they are hardly going to refuse if you go back after few weeks’ break). If CAMHS clicks then stay there else you know the private is worth spending money on. Don’t necessarily share this with your DD as she might be less inclined to make CAMHS work.

I’d be keen to see what CAMHS offer. It might an ongoing sessions with a great therapist but it might not be.

Whatever you decide I would speak to the psychotherapist about it. If you want to continue AND see a CAMHS worker it’s important they both know the other work is happening. If you want to end they will do a careful managed ending.

Also could explore possible less regular sessions if finances are a big issue. Fortnightly instead of weekly, for example.