How does your autistic child manage friendships?

[Wajeehakamran]

I’m interested in hearing how other autistic children manage friendships, especially as they get older.
Does your child have one or two close friends, prefer spending time alone, or find group friendships difficult? I sometimes wonder whether I should encourage more social opportunities or just let my child socialise in a way that feels comfortable for them.
Would be really interested to hear what has worked for other families.

Mine has one or two close friends. She has experienced some bullying and also some ostracising in a friendship group. The school handled this incredibly well. She knows she is autistic and this helped her make friends with other ND kids at school who she feels she relates to.

There have been times when she’s struggled and we’ve made sure she has plenty of time with other children outside school.

I think giving them opportunities to socialise naturally with the children of family friends is good. If there are friends with kids their age, invite the whole family over. That was it’s not a play date per say and there’s less pressure.

Mine is very resistant to group activities and extra curricular group-based things and we haven’t pushed that so far.

Mine wasn't diagnosed until she was 14. In primary I tried everything from inviting the entire year group to parties (she didn't talk to anyone, which is what she did at school) and doing day trips and play dates. It just never took and their kids could tell she wasn't "getting" the games and she just wanted to do her own thing. School reports kept saying she was sensitive (to loud boys mostly and had a huge sense for injustice). She came out of Primary with 2 friends, one Autistic boy and one ADHD boy. In secondary she made a beeline for the ND kids and gathered them all together like some ND herder which was great. I think the group had about 8. She still has her deep friends from then and they were all very varied in needs and interests but just really let each other be who they were, which was really lovely and helped all of them. My advice is not to push friendships, it was stressful and she didn't want to do the same things they did. Square peg, round hole.

Mine had none until Y8, the year in which he was diagnosed. He was isolated and bullied for most of his primary years. This continued on and off until sixth form, when, as ds put it, “The dickheads left.”

In Y8 ds made one friend, which drew him into a little social circle of 4-6 lovely boys, all either diagnosed ND, quirky, or in some other way different. They looked out for each other and defended each other from bullies.

Ds is now in uni. He socialises in person and online. He still struggles, but he definitely has good friendships as well. He has recognised that he was socially very immature and that he has caught up a lot at uni. I don’t know if ds knows that throughout his schooldays adults considered him extremely mature when talking 1 to 1 with him.

I regret not actively managing his playdates in YR and Y1. Ds is my youngest, and all the others just played with their friends with minimal input from me, unless they wanted something from me, so I let ds get on with his playdates the same way. There was never any shouting, misbehaviour or distress (apart from once when a mum brought ds home to me because he started crying in the car on the way to their house) but once or twice a child asked to go home early. Then I realised that nobody ever invited him back. By the end of Y1 ds wasn’t even being invited to birthday parties. By which time I had finally noticed the problem (sorry, youngest child in a busy family 😔) and it was really too late to change the social dynamic at school.

Mine had none. She would gravity towards others with issues/vulnerabilities etc and would end up falling out all the time. She’s 18 now and at college and still no friends.