Social anxiety-16yr old. Any advice?

[maldivemoment]

Our wonderful, funny, kind, compassionate, intelligent kiddos finding life increasingly stressful and I’m wondering if anyone has experienced similar. If so, I would be most grateful to hear your story.

Our 16yr old is great kid.He gets on well with his friends, is part of the group &doibg well at school. However, the past year at school has proved difficult for him. His social anxiety has gone through the roof. He’s invited to a good number of gaffs but his anxiety surrounding this is off the scale.

i dont want to ‘feed the beast’ but all halo gratefully received.

Cbt is good for anxiety if he puts to work in. Look up a therapist

I'd start by getting a good, well-regarded (read proper professional book reviews not AI) book and doing some observation and listening as to what the teen thinks is going on for them.

How do you know it is social anxiety and not a period of general overwhelm, recovery after a difficult year, social exhaustion or a dislike of unstructured teen social events (which can require a lot of energy)?

What happens if you ask your child to go to the shops or cinema with you? Would they go to a calmer activity e.g. art group?

Thank you both.

@concertinacornflake im calling it social anxiety as a generic term. He told me yesterday he’s most relaxed when he’s in his own. Had to hold back the tears. He’s a bright kid. Very able academically but finds the social aspect of school stressful. He doesn’t have a best friend. He’s kind of always on the periphery, if you know what I mean. He’s never the first to be asked.

Theres a party tonight which he is dreading. He’s going, but dreading it. As a result of this he prob won’t eat much today and he woke up early this morning.

We love him so much and are doing our very best to help and support him. We’ve told him not to go the party but he doesn’t want to be ‘that kid’, which I totally get. He also said if he says ‘no’ to invites, etc the people will stop asking him.

Hes’s genuinely a great kid. He gets on well with everyone. I’m just feeling very helpless at the moment…

Don't do this.

You're not their therapist. Keep your appropriate relationship.

As @parietal said, CBT can be helpful, the protocol is ~16 sessions, but it does only work if it fits with your personality and you do the homework. If it isn't a fit, NICE recommend whatever works for adults, which includes medication or psychoanalytic psychotherapy.
https://childpsychotherapy.org.uk/find-child-psychotherapist-search

How is he once he goes out? Does he enjoy it or just sucks it up, struggling, until it’s an acceptable time to leave?

In my experience (my DC are 16, 19 and 20) it's completely normal not to have a "best friend" at secondary school. One of mine did, two didn't. It's more about friendship groups. If your DS has a group of friends and is invited to parties it sounds like he's doing fine. It's also normal to feel nervous before parties. Teach him some calming relaxation techniques like breath control. Reassure him that many people feel like this even if they act super confident.