Teenage Daughter Suffering with Anxiety

[MumOfMadTwo]

Hi, I have taken my daughter to the GP as she is suffering with severe anxiety which is becoming more and more debilitating. She has just sat her GCSEs which were a point of high stress levels for her, we were hoping after the exams she would pick up, but to no avail, in fact I feel it's getting worse. The wait for talking therapy is ten weeks - far too long as she has a new 6th form to attend in September and I want to use this time to get her on the road to recovery. We are looking to go private for therapy. Can anyone recommend anyone in the Bucks, Beds, Herts catchment that I can make contact with? TIA. Just wanted to add that I'm encouraging her to access mindfulness online, daily journal writing and regular exercise alongside.

Not in your area but Relate are now providing adoloescent counselling. I think it's good from a professional perspective to arrange this with an organisation who will have carried out all the necessary checks. You could also ask local schools or colleges for the names of their counsellors - many will do private work too.

Be prepared to try a few before she clicks with a counsellor.

Good luck to you and her on the journey to recovery. 10 weeks is good btw. You can ask for the referral to proceed because she may still find it helpful in a few months. Keep quiet about the private side though.

Thanks so much for coming back to me, apologies for the late reply.

Hi. My son was diagnosed with social anxiety, general anxiety and separation anxiety (doesn't like being away from the house) about 8 months ago. CBT didn't help- he didn't like it and it was hard for the councillor to help him. They wont give him meds- say not bad enough (!!??). He's always been an anxious person but 'functioning' until October last year when he stopped going to school and playing football - we may never know what triggered this - he wont say. Long story short- been moved from school's pupil support unit to another schools support unit in an attempt to get him back into classes- to no avail. GCSE year starting September but he's missed so much school that they think he wont get any now- so sad as was done for 9 at A's and B's. Trouble is, his mood is low to so he has no interest in education now at all so, even if we could afford it, he is unresponsive to the idea of private tutoring. At my wits end to be honest. The only hope I'm clinging on to is that this all passes over time and he gets some qualifications a bit later than his peers at college etc. If only he would talk to me I may be able to help. I've actually written him a letter today in the hope that a non face to face form of communication may evoke some response. Any advice greatly appreciated or just to hear other people's experiences would be great- feeling very isolated.

Hi Arabdream, sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. My DD suffers with high levels of Social Anxiety and General Anxiety, and now has a diagnosis of Aspergers. From 14 to 17 when she crashed out of 6th form, she had a horrible time with self harming, depression and generally having a break down, and I remember all too well how isolating it felt having to cope with it all and the difficulties of getting any useful help. So I really wanted to respond to your post. I can offer some encouragement. My daughter has gone on to complete an apprenticeship. She is working in a field that is well below her academic potential, but she is holding down the job and generally content with it. She has not self harmed for 2 years. It's not all great. She has no real social life, is lonely and still needs counselling to work through some early life trauma. She still needs much more day to day practical support than most young adults her age. GP also thinks she has an eating disorder - but I reckon she is just autistic and vegan... But, I can tell you that things are much better than they once were.

The things that helped for us?

• we found an excellent private counselor. DD did not respond well to the CAMHS counselling because it was entirely CBT based and she just could not engage with that. It is expensive to go private and I know it is not always an option, but if you are in a position to do so it might be worth a look. I went through the BACP website to find a suitable counselor who had experience with teenagers.
• learning to listen, but not pressure her or judge

• letting her drop out of education and start an apprenticeship.

I'm not saying these will work for your DS of course - they are just our experience. I note you comment about not being allowed meds. I know a number of people who have teenagers on anti-depressants and it has really worked for them. But it proved to be a disaster for my DD and caused her mental health to reach critical levels. Worth being very aware of the potential for teens to have a very adverse reaction to meds.

Thinking of you.

Hi blimppy- thank you so much for your reply. I am so sorry to hear of your troubles but it is good to share our experiences so I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. My child is so lacking in motivation- for anything. Its like he doesn't want to get better. I've looked at the BACP website as you suggested and found some promising options but its actually getting him there and getting him to talk. We thought a holiday would help -different place, no one will know him, change the dynamics etc.- but he doesn't even want to go away. He's always loved seeing new places, trying foreign food, going in the sea but this year he just says 'its too much effort'. So -we all staying at home-cant force him and, even if we could, we don't want to be dragging an unhappy teenager around with us all week.
I've even come off Facebook now as so many people posting about how wonderfully their children are doing and it upsets me (maybe I should be strong enough to just be pleased for them and move on to the next thing but- I admit it- I'm not) as I cant help thinking what might have been. Finding it very hard to accept all this! Main reason I joined this site is the isolation I feel, the desperation and the hope that I can find someone who actually understands! So, as said, your reply was very much appreciated. Thank you.

We have an appointment with a private psychology service on Monday for my dds anxiety and possible depression.... She's not yet as bad as some on here but decided I couldn't wait.... We tried CBT (self help) and my dd did not engage Any advice about how to get the most out of the appointment.... We were out to lunch today celebrating a family birthday when my dd started over breathing, I went with her to the loo and a got here breathing slowly, yesterday she was doing some drawing.... And kept saying it was terrible, then asked me what I thought.... And I said it was good, to which I got a full scale meltdown /tantrum.... Because I was not enthusiastic enough about it being good, she the explained she was worried she would not do well in Art next year... Sorry rambling a bit..... Is she really struggling or is she a spoilt brat who I am over indulging.... Struggling to know how to act for the best.... With support and understanding or should I just be very strict and stop tolerating g all this nonsense.... So far I have been as far as I am able kind and supportive.