ADHD diagnosis 14 yo DD - what next??

[HattietheManatee]

After 3 school referrals to CAMHS (1 primary and 2 by secondary school) my 14 year old DD has been diagnosed with ADHD - mild to moderate. Literally diagnosed today, so am a little in shock as a lot of terms were bandied around to describe her difficult behaviour and unusual personality traits.

I have a prescription for medication I can think about, but don't know where to start in terms of getting my head around it, knowing what to think about it etc. Not helped by fact started mirtazapine yesterday to cope with my own anxiety and depression, aggravated to a large extent by my daughter's behaviour. Am now feeling very out of it :(

Can anyone offer a handhold/some advice?

Thanks

Hattie

Hi Hattie.
It's not unusual to get a late diagnosis for a girl, they are much better at hiding it.
Google to see if you have a local branch of the National austistic Society and a Carers Centre as they both should be able to help.
You can apply for DLA for her to get some things in place like social activities etc. Ask your Carers Centre or CAB for help filling the form in which you request from the DWP - obviously only if you feel there is a need.
Have you met with the SENCO at her school to see what can be done to support her?
Google 'the girl with the curly hair'. This is a website run by a young woman with ASD and covers a lot of issues.
However much you know something is wrong, a diagnosis is often a shock. You don't need to do any of this now but there are things out there to help.
Take care.

Thanks so much for replying. Now I've got the younger kids to bed the shock is turning to anger and tears. I really didn't expect to react like this.

I will contact the school tomorrow to confirm diagnosis and set up meeting with the senco. I have been meeting with school counsellor and deputy heads, mainly for problem behaviour. Thanks also for other suggestions, will look into them when head straighter.

I cried buckets when my Ds1 was diagnosed with additional needs. It's hard because you know something is wrong but you don't want to be proved right... well that's how I felt. It's good she's been diagnosed whilst under child services, a lot easier than if she was diagnosed at 16.
I work with parent Carers so if you have any other questions, I may able to help x

Oh lovely my dd was diagnosed at 17. So many bits of the jigsaw fitted into place. She takes ritalin as required. It has literally turned her life round. Dhe is happy now and has stopped harming.

It is very hard and lonely

My 15yr old ds has just been diagnosed with severe adhd. We've been robbed off several times by gps as over anxious, but recently his behaviour has spiralled out of controlled.

I'm absolutely heartbroken. We had his ecg so we can get his medication. We've already been told it'll be a high dose

Maybe we could use this thread to support each other through the coming months and pass advice on

Thank you thank you thank you all for posting, it means so much to hear from you all and know that you understand. I told a friend yesterday and she was really dismissive, just kept telling me how much of a nightmare she was as a teenager and DD would grow out of it. It was well meant but unhelpful and made me feel unheard.

Brandnewstart- that's exactly how I've been for 4 years or so, looking for answers but now I've got one I feel completely bereft. I haven't yet started to think of myself as a carer, it sounds such a demanding role... But of course parenting DD1 has been and continues to be extremely demanding.

Ohtheroses- thanks for kind words and also good to hear meds have been transformative. Must have been so hard for you especially with self harming. Not sure whats on DD1's prescription, it's for a stimulant that lasts 8 hours and must be eaten with breakfast, if that narrows it down!

EhWhatPardon - sorry to hear you're also going through this right now, I hope we will look back on this and see it as the turning point. Yes I very much would like to have and offer support so please do use this thread.

Forgot to say, have meeting with SENCO at DDs school first thing Monday morning so i will let you know how that goes. I've also spoken to DD about what she wants in for breakfast as she needs to take her meds with food and currently refuses to eat brekkie.

Hi Hattie, I was diagnosed this year at 22. It really isn't unusual for girls to slip through the net because of girls with ADHD presenting quite differently, and the notion that ADHD is "naughty boy syndrome".

I've been on medication for nearly six months now and it has changed my life beyond belief. I feel so much more positive about my future since starting on it. It's such a personal choice but for me, going on meds was absolutely the right choice to make.

Do you know what medication she's been prescribed?

to you, hearing the diagnosis isn't easy is it :( but you've done the right thing, and now she can get the help and support she needs.

We're in a slight different boat as DS got his dx age 7 (now yr6). The thing I guess I'd like to pass on is that his meds have had a real benefit to him, especially for school (and us at times if I'm honest). We've always given him the option of whether he takes it or not and now he's at the point where he can choose at weekends and holidays whether to take it (normally doesn't to build up his weight). He can recognise when it's a benefit to him and when it's more useful to be his full bouncy self.

The other thing is that when he's on his meds, that's the best time to practice strategies and helpful habits (for him putting his shoes on before being asked twenty times).

I hope you're doing okay, it takes a toll on you, important to look after yourself too.

And there are some good YouTube videos out there and fb pages, How To Adhd might be a good one to look up.

Mine doesn't eat breakfast either. All my nutrious, low sugar breakfasts have gone out the window and I supply brioche or a wafer bar for him. I would rather he ate something than go without until lunch.
Keep posting OP, you're not on your own. And ignore all the people that say 'Aw she'll grow out of it' etc. My inlaws refused to believe DS had ADHD until he was knocked over in their care - they refused to believe that he had no road safety and parked somewhere I asked them not to

Ah the "he'll grow out of it"... personally love that one...not

We had call from camhs saying he has to be reviewed by a cardiologist as he has a murmur so we have a wait for meds.

My main frustration is school. They are punishing him for things he can't control. He was isolated all last week for being disruptive which just makes his behaviour worse as he's stuck in a room, alone with nothing to occupy him. Then they let him back in the class, he gets hyper so they isolate him again. Wish they would just send him home where I could keep him busy!

Hi Ovaries (great username btw!), so reassuring to hear the diagnosis and meds have been life changing. I will double check the prescription and let you know the name. I would be interested to know what your main symptoms of ADHD are, if you don't mind sharing. Am still trying to get my head round which of her personality traits can be understood as part of ADHD, and which can't (e.g. Aversion to touching paper).

TwoLeftSocks - thanks, also pleased to hear about the meds being helpful to your son. I hope they work as well with my daughter. She definitely needs to work on some behaviours, yesterday she was shouting so much at my partner because I had gone to bed and couldn't do what she wanted. It went on for 20 minutes and set my heart racing. I'm not doing great, the antidepressants are knocking me for six but still feeling anxious and down. I've been talking to work though and looking to reduce my workload and hours for a while till I'm more on top of things.

Brandnewstart - yep, she used to eat really well, now she's a teen she skips meals and mainly eats complete junk food like McDs, giant bars of chocolate or whole packs of donuts or cakes. It's affecting her skin, concentration and mood but she still does it. I hope he was ok after being knocked over! Am wondering if the ADHD diagnosis explains her terrible behaviour when younger, she used to completely go nuts after chocolate so I told everyone not to give it to her. My family thought I was just precious until she found a tin of Celebrations at my sisters house, ate loads then slapped my sisters friend across the face😱! She'd never even met her before and was only 5 years old.

EhWhatPardon -hope you get a quick review from the cardiologist. Completely understand about school. DD keeps getting put in the exclusion room for arguing with the staff. Now that this has been flagged as the impulsive side of her condition I'm hoping they may be a bit more understanding.

Had meeting at school but SENCO v late due to needing to collect people for GCSEs. Ended up having 3 mins with her where she said, don't worry, we're on it. Am waiting to hear back if my concerns have been passed on to her. Asked for help with revising, and also with exams. It's only Yr 9 so luckily exams not the end of the world if they go badly. I know her teachers have now been told about her dx as one emailed me for a meeting. Arrghh!!!

Cry for help! Anyone reading?

Am really struggling to cope with her behaviour, she is either absent or rude. Demanded a sleepover at friends tonight, as she hasn’t come home at times agreed this week and was extremely rude to me last night (think half hour of screaming at me) I said no. Had another half hour of shouting at me, telling me I’m not normal, that she’ll run away... Thing is I’ve let her have sleepovers and her behaviour always goes downhill afterwards, refused to go to school after the last one, assaulted me then ran away.

Please someone tell me where I can get some help as I’m way out of my depth

Op, try to post in SN chat - there will be lots of clued up people over there.