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Original poster

Please help just recieved worrying text from DD 14

69 replies

felttippens · 22/01/2014 22:03

Recieved this text from my daughter after she said she needed to talk to me, I went into her room and could see she'd been crying but she just kept saying she didn't know how to tell me

I left her alone for a while and got this text
I wanna go to the doctors cos I think I have depression and anxiety and I cut sometimes and i can't like cope, I get so frustrated and upset an down and everything all the time idek

OP posts:
Original poster
felttippens · 22/01/2014 22:04

I sent a few texts reassuring her that I'd always be there and will make appointment and that she can always talk to me

Went back up to see her and she wouldn't answer my questions so I just gave her a big hug

Feel so gutted as I've suffered for last 5 yrs with on/off pnd and I can't bear to think of her feeling this way

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FrontForward · 22/01/2014 22:05

Just hug her and tell her you will always love her. She obviously needs you. Cutting is very common in teenage girls. You can help by offering to take her to GP and come in if she needs that

I've been where you are. I'm so sorry. It's not your fault.

twentyten · 22/01/2014 22:07

Oh you poor thing- and your poor dd. go and give her a big hug and tell her you love her and thank her for telling you.

SecretWitch · 22/01/2014 22:10

I've also been in the same place with my ds. How wonderful she knew she could reach out to you! She obviously is in pain and trusted that her mum would help her. I think making an appointment is an excellent step. Just keep reassuring her, Op.

My heary goes out to you. I remember feeling just as you do..(( hugs))

MadameJosephine · 22/01/2014 22:10

It's awful to see your child in distress but at least now she's told you you can help. I had a similar situation with my DS last year, he was having anxiety attacks and would cry and shake and hit himself it was really horrible to see. He wouldnt let me near him or comfort him, I was beside myself with worry. We went to the doctor a couple of times and were referred but the first time he refused to go which was very frustrating. The second time he went to counselling with the Child and Adolescent mental Health team and it's been a god send, it got him through a really difficult time and now he's doing ok.

I hope you and your daughter get the help you need Thanks

Original poster
felttippens · 22/01/2014 22:10

I'm just devastated :( she's so fucking talented clever beautiful and funny I can't bear her to feel like this and scared that I've fucked up somehow and that it's going to effect her in these crucial years of school and developing friendships etc

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olympicvibes · 22/01/2014 22:14

What a brave girl for reaching out to you. So glad that she feels she can tell you. She'll need you to reassure her tonight that you can get through it together and you are there for her. Please don't think negatively about yourself now, it is very common amongst girls and for so many different reasons. There is no reson why she can't get the right support and with your love, get through this stage without any damage. Talking is a huge first step.
I am sure that others will have much better advice and help you in what you need to do but just hold her hand and listen tonight if she does want to talk.
Tomorrow you can make a doctors appointment or talk about the next step. 14 can be such a difficult age, but it is so so good that she knows she has you.

Original poster
felttippens · 22/01/2014 22:17

Thank you she seems unable to talk to me directly about it and when I went in to give her a cuddle I seemed to irritate her and she wanted me to go away.i told her she can always talk to me x

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twentyten · 22/01/2014 22:18

It's often the bright beautiful ones who suffer most- so much going on. Not your fault. Very very common sadly- but she is asking or your help. You will get through this

SecretWitch · 22/01/2014 22:18

Treadingwater, I also want to let you know my son is doing well now. He is on medication to help cope with the depression and has a good relationship with his therapist. Getting support for your lovely daughter is the first step. You are and will be her best advocate...

Original poster
felttippens · 22/01/2014 22:24

It seems maybe texts will have to do for now
I've just text to say I love her millions and I'm behind her 1000000000% and she said love you mam xxxx

She has always been super bright, gifted in some subjects is doing really well at school, but very shy - she has recently cut contact with her harmless but pretty useless biological dad (I've been with my husband since she was two and they have good relationship)
My dad has cancer and over christmas we were told he is now terminal and probably weeks left so she definitely has a lot going on in her head god love her x

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olympicvibes · 22/01/2014 22:25

Maybe now that she has said it she now feels very vulnerable for doing so, but there'll be all sorts of emotions I am sure. It could also be that she finds it impossible to talk anymore tonight. You've had a shock, but she has probably hidden her feelings very well. I know I did when I was her age. Hugs to you, she knows she can talk to you and that is gold dust and she reached out, really don't forget that x

olympicvibes · 22/01/2014 22:30

Oh so much going on in your family. So sorry to hear that. Yes it can all pile up so quickly and on top of pressures at school and with friends and hormones...she is learning about the world and very adult situations but she is still a young girl. Tough age to be isn't it? I hope that you are ok, you've obviously very strong the way you have got through the last 5 years.

Original poster
felttippens · 22/01/2014 23:16

Thanks so much everyone -I'll let you all know how tomorrow goes
I'm tired and sad x

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FrontForward · 23/01/2014 07:22

I found the teenage years so hard because of watching my DDs painful journey. My eldest went to CAMHS but didn't find them very useful. I paid for a counsellor for my other daughter and that was really really useful.

I too had that sense of failure because they needed this. So many of my friends daughters went through a similar patch. Divorce and a close friends suicide probably triggered the issues in our family but I think girls do have this teenage turmoil. Everyone told me to keep the faith that they would be ok...they are. I have two adult lovely daughters who I'm very close to.

twentyten · 23/01/2014 07:33

Good luck today.Being there is so important-and she reached out to you.you are doing a good job.Good luck today.

Original poster
felttippens · 23/01/2014 08:58

She got up for school as usual today which I'm thrilled about, ideas worried telling me last night would have resulted in her not wanting to get up and going as normal - I've made her an appointment for today at 5:20pm if she won't talk (which I'm predicting) do I just tell the GP what she's told me?
Thanks for the reassurances and input my brain keeps wandering into blame and negative mode but need to be positive that she has come to me x

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ThePost · 23/01/2014 09:01

If she can't talk, can you show him the texts she's sent you (with her permission of course.) It may be the easiest way to communicate with people at the moment for her. Poor wee thing. I hope she gets the help she needs and starts to feel more like herself soon. Thanks

ThePost · 23/01/2014 09:15

Sorry, posted too soon. I meant to say that I suffered (undiagnosed) my first depressive episode as a teen and it would have made such a difference if I had been able to reach out to my mum the way your DD feels she can with you. You're obviously doing a great job.

Damnautocorrect · 23/01/2014 09:33

If you can catch yesterday's this morning there was a piece on it there it was really good.
I'm sorry she's feeling this way

mummytime · 23/01/2014 09:48

If she can't talk then tell the GP what you said here. What you are looking for is for him to refer her to CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health), which in some areas is called TAHMS (I think, Teen and Adolescent Mental Health).
They are the specialists and in my experience are very "friendly". It could be there are other issues, but they should be able to spot those too.

Original poster
felttippens · 24/01/2014 11:54

Went to doctors yesterday as predicted dd wouldn't open up I spoke for her as far as I understand the situation she was very upset and nodded to confirm she cuts and feels suicidal
A plan was made to go back on Monday with a friend of DDs that she has confided in to maybe help her to get it out
The doctor suggested writing it down which she did last night, I asked to see it and she said no but I've just found it in her bedroom and it makes for very upsetting reading :(

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Selks · 24/01/2014 12:05

The doctor needs to refer your DD to CAMHS (child mental health services). Sounds like you should speak to the Dr again to make this happen.

Original poster
felttippens · 24/01/2014 12:08

We're going to see him again on Monday

How long does camhs referral take ? I'm wondering if I could stretch to some private treatment while we wait x

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StealthPolarBear · 24/01/2014 12:11

Youvr both handled it brilliantly. Hope each day is better than the last one for you both x