First CAMHS appointment today

[Unhappychild]

Hi,name-changing regular. I thought some of my information made me quite identifiable. DD was assessed in hospital after a crisis. I got the report of that yesterday.

The crux of that seemed to be my "strong history of depression" I have had three episodes in my life and two were long before Dd was born. This time, struggling with redundancy, followed by high pressure job and being a single parent to young DC I saw the signs and saw the GP.

Ive been taking ADs for a year. Life is still hard because we are short of money and I am facing another redundancy . But DD is violent, aggressive, really down on herself, has massive mood swings and is generally pretty hard to live with. Other DC are ok but affected by her moods. She is fine at school but says she hates it and wants to change schools. She wasn't always like this. She can't get to sleep at night but was always a great sleeper (no CC required).

I feel the CAMHS doctor is just looking for an easy target to blame DDs problems on. I think the ADs have been a big help with parenting and I have been much less shouty overall since taking them. I have also been able to be really calm when she says or does awful thing (almost 8 btw). This week she slammed into a door so hard it came off its hinges

Unhappy. This is only a thought but... I think it's natural to start wondering if you are to blame and so a letter like that might make you feel you are being blamed. Whereas possibly they are not blaming, they are identifying a genetic disposition?

My child has an illness that has a familial link. Her medical letter listed my history because it's relevant. It's not however blame (unless you want to conclude I'm to blame for giving birth!)

Please don't infer from it that your mental health is under attack. It's important that you are well so that's what everyone would want for you in order that you can support DD.

I have two teenage DDs and have had many fraught, desperate times (CAMHS with one). The one thing I think CAMHS did very badly was support the parent.

Maybe look at getting support for yourself elsewhere. It is a really distressing time when your DC are unhappy especially if you feel any sense of responsibility for that.

Thanks for replying. I have just started a short course of CBT via the GP. I do often think I am to blame and think others are blaming me. It's a good idea to tell CAMHS about that feeling. The. Doctor said she will have a diagnosis after two more sessions with DD.

I fully understand the feeling blamed approach (been there many a time for many situations) but know that for myself it's been unhelpful. It's put me into defensive stance which deflects my attention away from helping my DD

Tell yourself that depression is not your fault. It's not. Would diabetes be your fault?

Diabetes would carry some blame if you didn't either change your lifestyle or engage with medical care to get well. You are obviously trying lots of approaches to help your depression so IT's NOT YOUR FAULT :)

Very confusing time for you and DD who may well blame you.... But that's because that what teenagers do!!!! You ruined their life ....and all that. It takes a strong parent to recognise this normal teenage attack shouldn't be taken personally. Throw in mental health issues and you can see what a muddle it all becomes and how hard it is to see what is going on. First thing I would say is stop focusing on blame because you need to focus on a way forward. Good luck. I do know how distressing teenagers can be.

I agree that telling CAMHS how you feel might be helpful.