Concerns over 13yr old dd - self esteem/ocd/food issues

[meercatmum]

My 13 year old daughter (dd) seems to be really struggling with self esteem problems that tend to take control of her life. This has been going on for at least 2 yrs. She spends at least an hour every day putting on a "mask" of makeup and will not ever be seen without it. She is unable to do anything without prior notice of at least an hour to put her makeup on. She gets really anxious with anything which is out of the ordinary planned day. She believes she is completely ugly and is saving up for cosmetic surgery for a tiny freckle removal (altho this changes depending on what she is completely absorbed on) - this will not be happening!! She is incidently really pretty and we are always telling her this but she says we would say this as her parents.
She is prone to huge "melt downs" due to anger/frustration/anxiety..

Holidays are a nightmare due to melting makeup and hours required to put on before going out to pool - and not wearing suntan cream incase it smudged her "mask" of foundation.

She has eating issues where she keeps taking sweet food eg icing sugar to her room but getting her to eat sensible meals is a real issue. She is underweight and sees the GP for this and self esteem.

A recent more worrying incident is that she has been going on a "meet a stranger website" (which is legal with no age limit!!!) with a webcam and has copied conversations that she has had onto her facebook album where strangers tell her how stunning she is - we have spoken to her again and again about dangers of the internet and cannot believe the potential risk she has put herself in. Obviously we have now taken away access to the internet. What is even more strange is that she says that she is unable to talk to people at school unless they are her close friends and cannot make eye contact with them.

This is my first mumsnet "Talk" so hopefully have done this right ... comments pls (PS we are going down the route of kick starting some professional interventions)

• put on wrong thread first time so moved question to this child/adolescent area

Any comments?/support?/ideas?

I think your GP needs to stop trying to manage this and refer her to CAMHS who are professionals in dealing with this sort of thing.

I would go and see the GP without your DD and request a referral asap.

We did have 6 sessions at PCAMHS last year but think we were directed to the wrong strand - school did the referral but they did not request family therapy so mystified on the fact that these sessions turned out to be f.therapy. None of the above issues were discussed until I went in separatly and asked why issues were not being discussed at which point they agreed with me suggested I gave my daughter a book on OCD and reapplied for more session.
Anyway we are going through process of referral again making sure we get to the right people this time... hopefully someone who can diagnose and offer ongoing support!!

Sorry about delay in sending this have just noticed my DD has self harmed her arms with ear ring spikes....I am horrified and shocked she has done this to herself! What next!!!She does not really want me to hug her and says I will just get upset ...I really do not think she has any comprehension of what she has done and as I write this she is cheerfully talking to her friend as though she has not a care in the world

I would give CAMHS a call and ask them to hurry the referral up. If your DD is self harming she needs support sooner rather than later.

Don't be fooled by the outward appearance your DD puts on. My DD1 was able to look very together when she was in a very bad way last year. It's like a mask which makes the world easier to face. Underneath she was in pieces.

Have you read any of Tony Attwood's books on girls with Asperger's Syndrome? I think you might find what he's written useful.

I am trying to speed up the referral but felt your comments about aspergers very interesting as my dh and myself have concerns re aspergers but this has not been suggested by our GP although I have said I am concerned about aspergers in my comments on the CAMHS referral and also feel that she does show signs of this but am surprised nobody but you have suggested!

I think there are many professionals out there who have not read Tony Attwood's work on girls with AS and don't realise that there is a whole group of children out there who are really adept at hiding many of their symptoms.

My girls are both very typical of this type of girl with AS and a fair few professionals have had to backtrack after refusing to acknowledge the signs. I have been known to photocopy pages of Tony Attwood's book to give them to various professionals. One once quoted from what I'd given her in a report.

Have been to library and there are several books by him - is there one book which you would recommend Al1son - I have also got a book out calked Aspergirls which is all about embracing aspergers as a blessing and I struggle to see it this way at the moment