PLease help me help my dad

[lillybloom]

My mum had a stroke a few years back and DDad had to give up his career to look after her. She has limited mobility and often falls over. To complicate matters she has mild brain damage due to a fall.

This has left DM a little difficult to live with a times. She falls out with dd for no reason, accuses him of stealing her money, being lazy because he isn't working etc.

DD has coped great with this over the last few years. Recently she has required more physical help and we have managed to get her a morning and tuck in service. However I am noticing that its getting more difficult for dd. He is looking tired and says he is feeling a little frustrated. (big thing for him never admits to anything) He has also been a little stressed out.
I am doing as much as I can given I have children, work FT and doing a postgrad. Is there anywhere I can get help and support for my dd?

Hi lillybloom. Is there a local carers support service? They can advise on services available such as sitters or day centres that your Mum could go to, which would give your Dad a break.

Did social services assess your parents and set up the service they receive now? If so, then they need to be made aware of the situation now. They may hold a review and look at services like those I have mentioned.

Hope this helps.

Thank you It was the hospital that set up the care after her last fall. I had to plead with them to do something then and even so they had to have mums agreement. I really tricked her into agreeing before she could do anything about it Might have alook at her care folder and see if I can contact anyone.

May be totally off track but does he get carers allowance (if still relevant or whatever it is now called). If so, could he use that to get extra help in?

I pay for cleaners to come every week to help out but I'm finding it a wee bit tough financially. Cares allowance is £53.90 a week. He pays his council tax with it. He really couldn't afford to pay out any more. They are in the bracket where they have too much to get help (were excellent savers) yet not quite enough to live on.

If he is old enough, get Age Concern to come and do an audit on what help they are entitled to. Age concern are excellent and very helpful.

At least then you would know they are getting everything they should.

I don't think they are old enough- not pensioners yet. Does anyone know how to go about organising extra help without ss being involved?

In the area I grew up Age Concern could provide input from 55 onwards I think.

If he hasn't had one already, your dad is entitled to a carers assessment, where they will look at his needs as the main carer. This is done through social services. If you call adult services they should be able to tell you how to request one of these. Your mum will need to consent to any extra care that is brought in but this could be negotiated once your dad has been able to discuss the challenges he's facing and has found out what else is available to help both of them.

Your parents will be entitled to so many days of respite care a year so your dad can have a break.

What about local day centres for adults with disabilties? It may be worth googling stroke and your local area to see if there are any voluntary groups / services which they could access for both support and maybe for your mum to participate in.

Unfortunately any extra care that is put in is likely to be charged for. Are you sure they get all the allowances they are entitled too? It may be worth calling your local CAB to see who (it could be them) in your area is able to go through your parents entitlements. Do they get attendance allowance? (which I think is Disability Living Allowance under a certain age) which in theory is given to pay for any care required.

Good luck

Just saw your post re not getting SS involved. But it really is worth getting the formal carers assessment done, as then they will hopefully be pointed in the direction of suitable voluntary sector services that can help.