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How to stop a nearly four-year-old undoing a car seat harness

21 replies

Sunshinemyonly · 16/07/2026 23:09

Are there any decent solutions out there to deter a 3y10m child from unbuckling their harness?!

I can’t seem to find much and what I can find, I reckon he’ll undo in a jiffy.

theres a lot for stopping kiddos undoing actual seatbelt buckles, so if I have to, I can put his car seat into the other mode.

but I specifically bought this one so I could use a harness for much longer :(

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
24Dogcuddler · 16/07/2026 23:28

There are calling and Fledgling harnesses designed for SEN children but they are expensive. I know you can’t put a price on safety.
If no additional needs DC is old enough at almost 4 to understand the need for basic rules and safety.

You could’ve sharing this book. I’m sure there are others. Better Buckle Up Suzie W.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0957466277/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0

Daily firm reminders Belt on like Mummy and if DC persists then try a short journey with a reward such as the park or favoured activity at the end. Turn back if harness is undone. Not safe, time for home!
Praise for keeping it on.

Enko · 16/07/2026 23:32

What type.of seat do.you have @Sunshinemyonly there may be someone who has an idea. https://amzn.eu/d/0048ft9P we used something similar to this

Amazon

Amazon

https://amzn.eu/d/0048ft9P?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-car-seats-chat-5555413-how-to-stop-a-nearly-four-year-old-undoing-a-car-seat-harness

Sunshinemyonly · 17/07/2026 11:57

Hi @Enko its a britax advansafix. This is the sort of gadget I’m looking for but it’s just Velcro so he’ll just undo it in seconds.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 17/07/2026 16:50

Note: I tend to write long posts. MN have started truncating them so some of this will probably get cut off, if you see a "Read More" button there are more suggestions under there.

At his age if there are no SEN you might be able to use behavioural methods.

ie, make it really positive to wear a seatbelt. Everyone emphasises the safety and goodness/rightness of wearing a seatbelt. Praise him massively when he sits properly in the seat and lets you do it up. Praise massively when you are halfway somewhere and his seatbelt is still done up (if he struggles with getting halfway, try praising 20% into the journey - breaking into v small chunks where he can be successful can help a lot). Talk about seatbelts with other people he likes as well like grandparents, nursery staff, random strangers on the street etc, e.g. if he's done well that morning then gushingly report to his keyworker that he did so well keeping his seatbelt on today. Or as you leave, make sure a keyworker hears you reminding him to keep the seatbelt on today, so that they can back you up and reinforce the message.

Some kind of reward attached to keeping the belt on. A sticker, a reward chart, being able to choose the music or have access to a certain toy, something nice when you get where you're going, whatever might work for him.

Possibly a consequence if he undoes it. Though it would need to be something fairly immediate.

Also, don't forget to make sure it's comfortable. The straps do need to be snug, but they don't need to be so tight they are uncomfortable. Check the headrest is adjusted so it's not squashing his shoulders, and that the pads are on the straps properly so they are soft against his neck. Get him to sit with his bum back and lean back into the seat so he's not being pinned in a crouched or slumped position when you tighten the straps. Pull his clothing through so the straps aren't rubbing his skin, esp in shorts.

You can also make it uncomfortable for him to press the button by sticking the prickly side of velcro to it. That is sometimes enough to deter young children, as they have sensitive fingers.

The praise/reward/social approval/etc are the most effective for most children, but not all children do respond to them. Some children respond to praise by immediately doing the opposite of the thing they are being praised for.

If he doesn't tend to do well with rewards and punishment, you can try approaching it in a way which gives him more control - make a serious thing about how he's worked out how to open the seat, which is very clever and responsible, but if he's going to press the button, it's important to know when to do it and when not to do it, a bit like how he knows (some other safety rule), which he didn't used to know when he was little. You could make him the "safety officer" of the car, since he's getting to be such an expert about seatbelts, maybe he would like to know why we all wear seatbelts and check/remind that everyone else is wearing them. Then (depending on his personality) either teach him the rule that the car has to stopped and parked fully, and how to recognise this, OR that he needs to wait for a signal word from you before he opens it. If he doesn't wait, then mum/dad will open it for him (I know that logically this does not work, but a three year old does not know that. Or you can fasten it and then immediately open it, which usually annoys them sufficiently to make the point.) But essentially, teach him the appropriate time and place to open the button and then give him the opportunity to do it in that context.

You can do this less verbally, e.g. using a pictoral social story to show when the button is OK to be pressed vs when it is not OK to be pressed, and possibly also what happens if the car crashes with no seatbelt on (in the form of e.g. a bumped head and crying face)

Lastly, do make sure the child locks are activated on your rear doors! And ultimately, a seatbelt that he keeps on is safer than a 5 point harness which he won't keep on, but it is worth persevering with the harness as it is much easier for them to lean and stretch out of position with the seatbelt. Once he's over 4 and 18kg the evidence is not so clear that 5 point harness is safer, so it's not terrible if you end up switching.

Good luck!!

Meadowfinch · 17/07/2026 16:55

My ds learned to undo his harness when he was 4. Every time he did, I had to pull over, put him back in his harness and read him the riot act.

One evening coming around the M25 he undid the clip again so I pulled onto the hard shoulder and climbed out to clip him back in. A police patrol pulled up behind us and asked what was wrong. I explained and the helpful policeman explained to ds in very short sentences that what he was doing was illegal and dangerous and would "get mummy in to lots of trouble" DS had eyes like saucers. 😁 He didn't do it again.

Whatthefork1 · 17/07/2026 17:58

I had the same issue when my daughter was a similar age. Just enforce and teach him not to do it, he is old enough to understand surely?

RachTheAlpaca · 17/07/2026 21:45

A 3 year old should be in a rear facing seat for starters.
But they're more than old enough to be told NO, just discipline him!

englandd · 17/07/2026 22:28

Meadowfinch · 17/07/2026 16:55

My ds learned to undo his harness when he was 4. Every time he did, I had to pull over, put him back in his harness and read him the riot act.

One evening coming around the M25 he undid the clip again so I pulled onto the hard shoulder and climbed out to clip him back in. A police patrol pulled up behind us and asked what was wrong. I explained and the helpful policeman explained to ds in very short sentences that what he was doing was illegal and dangerous and would "get mummy in to lots of trouble" DS had eyes like saucers. 😁 He didn't do it again.

Edited

🤣🤣

Indaloo · 17/07/2026 22:31

We have one that clips. It’s hard to undo as it takes multiple clip points and is great. He can’t figure it out. Let me see if I can find it.

Thecatspjymas · 17/07/2026 22:34

You can buy anti escape devices on Amazon!

ThatMintMember · 17/07/2026 22:52

Unless there's any SEN can you not just talk to him about why it's important it stays on? 'You need to keep the buckle fastened otherwise if someone crashes into us when we're driving you will be very badly hurt because your carseat wouldn't be able to keep you safe without the buckle being fastened'.

Let him help put it on if he's curious about the buckle but tell him he's absolutely not to take it off himself. I'm pretty sure my almost 4 year old could undo his but he knows what it's for and leaves it alone.

moftwo · 17/07/2026 22:52

The ONLY thing that worked with my daughter was telling her the police will tell her off and even saying ‘oh look there’s a police car behind us’ or ‘do I need to call the police?’

Of course I had to explain that the police tell you off if you do bad things but also are there to help you if you need it, so she didn’t get scared of the police.

Zingading · 17/07/2026 22:57

We stopped car and took the bus when he wouldn’t stop unbuckling. Lots more walking and took longer. Got the message! I think most children at that age are able to understand why they mustn’t do it. Allowing fiddling and fastening/unfastening when stationary might also help demystify the whole thing.

Berkeleysquare128 · 18/07/2026 00:43

Not sure how well it works, but i've read somewhere before about putting a bit of velcro (the more prickly side) on the buckle... they don't like pushing against the velcro

BurtsBeefCrisps · 18/07/2026 05:58

Sorry, but there are times as parents when we have to be pretty strict, some of the advice on here is lengthy and although those methods might work if you had the luxury of it not being a safety issue.
I remember having to get really stern with my daughter at crossings when she was trying to get out of holding my hand. This is similar, assuming this is not your default position then he should be slightly shocked into keeping his belt on. You may want to combine with withholding treats/fun days out.
There is a time and a place for positive parenting but this is not it, especially with a SEN child (I have one).
This is where parenting is going wrong, they are allowed to feel uncomfortable for a few seconds, if it’s for the safety especially. We need to expose our children to more than just constant positivity, as life is not one happy roller coaster.

CactusClive · 18/07/2026 08:10

RachTheAlpaca · 17/07/2026 21:45

A 3 year old should be in a rear facing seat for starters.
But they're more than old enough to be told NO, just discipline him!

Why shouldn’t they be rear facing? The latest safety guidance is to have them rear facing as long as possible.

whereisit1 · 18/07/2026 08:13

Try knotting a long sock over the buckle, worked a treat for mine

RachTheAlpaca · 18/07/2026 08:31

CactusClive · 18/07/2026 08:10

Why shouldn’t they be rear facing? The latest safety guidance is to have them rear facing as long as possible.

That's exactly what I have said...

Doone22 · 19/07/2026 19:10

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