tent for one. possibly to go in a rucksack/other bag

[SagacityNell]

I am looking around at tents that are quick to pitch with one person. Only needs space for me, minute amount of stuff and poss a bike (so may need to be 2 man?)

Can't fold up the pop up ones although they look FAB.

DOn't need a porch, don't need to be able to stand up in it. literally just to sleep in.

Oh and cheap as chips.

If you want to put your bike in the tent you'll need a porch. A 2 man backpacking tent will probably only be 120-130 cm wide and 90 cm high, so there's no way you could put your tent in there and sleep.
After you've sorted out the dimensions you need to think of how much you want to pay, how much weight you want to carry (in rucksack or in panniers?) etc.

i just want to get a cheap bike, a cheap tent and sod off! Maybe i should just get a tarpaulin and attach the bike to my ankle at night

Get a dome tent with an extended porch and instead of the porch pole use the bike- peg it down with guy-lines so it stands up (turn it upside-down first though!). No one will be able to nick your bike without demolishing your tent, which will probably wake you up...

This sort of thing..

sports.ciao.co.uk/Jamet_Choucas_2XL_Tunnel_Dome_Touring_Tent__6640957

If it's any help, at the campsite where we stay, all those on bikes just lock them to the fence.