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Bullying

Find advice from others who have experienced school or workplace bullying on our Bulllying forum.

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Original poster

Do I let him move schools? sorry so long!

17 replies

mamas12 · 13/01/2009 14:14

Am a newbie bear with me. Before school term started after xmas ds broke down and sobbed that he didn't want to back to school as he has no friends there. The two boys that went with him from primary had turned nasty and were physically hurting him and generally affecting his relationships with all friends resulting in him being 'ditched' at lunchtimes because he was lumped in with those two. As a bit of background this was not the school he wanted to go to in the first place, the majority of his other friends have gone elsewhere and says he still wants to go there but only tried 'not to be annoying and make us happy' by changing his mind at the last munute (have recently divorced)
Well should I move him now early enough in the year for him to be with his other friends or persevere with this school where his sister is?

OP posts:

piscesmoon · 13/01/2009 14:20

I was going to say, from the title, that it is better to tackle a problem than run away from it. However, after having read it, moving might be the best option. Before you make any decisions- make an appointment and see the Head and/or class teacher and discuss it.

mumblechum · 13/01/2009 14:29

I'd move him now while it's not too late to make new friendships with other yr7s.

Original poster

mamas12 · 13/01/2009 14:39

Thank you for your replies, it really is lovely to know there really is someone out there! We have seen the head of year and the school have been good to be fair,they want to keep him (shrug) He has moved class as from yesterday, so will see how he is at the end of the week. Says he is happy but can't help thinking he is doing the same thing and just trying to keep us happy and really isn't. Am I being soft to consider moving him just to keep his friends?

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sarah293 · 13/01/2009 14:42

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seeker · 13/01/2009 14:44

what does his sister think?

ahundredtimes · 13/01/2009 14:48

I think I'd move him too. If he thinks he'll be happier there, then he probably will be. Also bullying is so insidious and it erodes self-esteem, day in day out.

Show him you've heard, you've thought - and put the alternative to him. Talk it through. If he thinks it pisses you off, tell him it doesn't. You can get around it. He sounds like he'd benefit hugely from the move - and from the fact you've put his wishes so high.

Original poster

mamas12 · 13/01/2009 15:01

Riven He didn't go to the other school because dd already being in present one. exh preferred this school (was a small issue with dd but she is doing well now).
seeker she says she 'doesn't mind'
They both know lots of kids from both schools as we live in town between them but majority went to other one. Exh thinks the parents at other school are 'snobby'
re bullying is insidious and erodes self esteem - am seriously thinking we should move him now as we had problems with the main boy before and can now see we always will. Thank you for that.

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sarah293 · 13/01/2009 15:05

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ahundredtimes · 13/01/2009 15:11

Also it's a really positive message to give him isn't it? You're saying - I hear this problem, we're going to take some action about it.

That's so far from soft. It's brave and assertive.

Original poster

mamas12 · 13/01/2009 15:15

He has had a horrible personality transplant since last half term and looking back it all falls into place as he was so miserable. He went from being in y6 primary all pals together and everone knowing everything about each other and their ways and getting on in rugby and football to being punched and ran away from and eating on his own and wandering around the school on his own and then taking it all out on us by being so obnoxious. Thank goodness he could tell me.
Don't feel it's fixed yet though.

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Original poster

mamas12 · 13/01/2009 15:37

will stop post for a while as they're due home soon.

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seeker · 14/01/2009 07:31

Would you move his sister as well? What does she say about how your ds is at school? Can she help at all? I assume she's older - or have I misunderstood?

bigTillyMint · 14/01/2009 07:37

It sounds like moving him might be the best long-term option for your DS.

Can you find out if there is a space at the other school, and talk to them about the bullying issue, etc? It would be better if they are prepared and can keep an eye on him - pastoral care - so that nothing like this starts up there too.

christywhisty · 14/01/2009 08:21

This was my DS a year ago
From what I can gather this is so common in yr 7. They have gone from being huge fish in a little pond to a little fish in a sea, some of them need to excercise their muscles, no excuse for bullying though. I heard from so many people this is so common in yr 7 and friendships really don't settle until yr8 or even yr9. Ds said he didn't want any friends because he was so hurt, it was heartbreaking.
The boys ended up getting into serious trouble in the summer for cyber bullying not involving my ds.
We kept the school involved about what was happening,they were worried about him because he was so quiet.

A year later and ds has no more problems and is back to friendly chat with them on the train. He is house captain and generally happy at school. He had a lingering problem with a hurtful nickname which one of them invented but I asked him yesterday and even that doesn't seem to be a problem now.
He doesn't yet seem to have a best friend yet but he does seem happy at school now.

Original poster

mamas12 · 14/01/2009 19:16

Yes seeker his sister is older and she did cry at home when she told me about him sitting on his own at lunchtime after they all ditched him,she can only help at certain times of the day though as school lunchtimes are staggered, thought about moving her but she is fine where she is.
bigtillymint have made enq. at other school so they are aware.
wow christywhisty your boys situation does sound similar gives me hope to know he is fine now but that is two years, looking back now would you have moved him then? As regards after school stuff. He came back from rugby last night in a fowl quiet mood which has persisted today which is not fair as he was happy mon and tues at school in day but of course this boy is at rugby too!

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christywhisty · 15/01/2009 08:27

Hi Mama it wasn't 2 years the worst of it was the first 2 terms of yr 7,summerterm it all started to settle down and he gradually started talking about other chilren at school he is yr 8 now.

We also had the same problem at scouts as the 2 boys went to scouts and he used to come home from scouts very upset.
I did start making enquiries about changing scout packs, but it wasn't that easy and we put it off for a while. These boys were every where he went,. Thankfully we found a lifesaving course for him, even then one of them wanted to join, but I knew the teacher and she knew him and said she would tell him the course was full.
At the time we heard so many stories of these type of problems in yr 7 and most of the time they resolved themselves, so we decided to ride it out. If it was still going on now I probably would consider it.

Original poster

mamas12 · 19/01/2009 08:38

Hello just to ask for advice please.
ds is currently upstairs in bed complaining of a pain in his belly I have made an appointment at the docs for 10 to 10 this morning to see if it's something but I reckon it's an emotional pain and he doesn't want to go to school again. Says there's nothing wrong he's not talking it's so frustrating, How do I get him to open up?

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