ASD referral and bullying

[Cowsontheloose]

Hi all

Genuine help needed.

My Dd14 is very likely on the spectrum and should be having her initial appointment around march/April.
School have helped me with all the paperwork and extra bits needed so they are well aware.
As is often the case, she is massively struggling socially.

She does a drama club on a Friday evening locally with some girls (and boys) from school.
She did a holiday club in the summer and shared a room with 2 of the girls, one was an friend, and one was just someone she has known at school.

Well obviously they all had a falling out. My DD is an only child and has never really shared a room with others and she massively needs her quiet time to regulate. These girls are very social and we're inviting others back to their room for chats and games etc. DD was quite upset with this but found a quiet spot in one of the main lounges when needed.

Fast forward to now, the 2 girls are now covertly bully my DD who already suffers with anxiety. Whispering in her ear as she walks past, turning others against her etc. today they wrote a statement to be voted on as a junior leader at school. My DD didn't get voted in but she's upset because the other girls were laughing at her effort and telling her it was rubbish and no wonder she didn't get voted in. It's just cruel, they know how sensitive she is.

I've emailed school about it, but I'm sure they will think it's just girls being girls. She's gonna have a big meltdown when she gets home or at some point at the weekend.

I just feel so sorry for her, she is so smart, bright and funny, but people just see her bluntness and it puts them off. I'm trying her teach her resilience, but I don't think that's working.

I'm thinking of self refering to camhs early next week to see if there's anything they can help her with.

I just don't know what help is out there.

Anyone going through the same? She loves learning and is extremely smart, set for all higher papers. But now won't speak up in class as she's terrified of getting talked about

Any advice will be welcome

Also forgot to add, she says she doesn't feel safe at school and wants to move schools. I know this is her anxiety talking but I just feel so helpless

Can you afford private therapy in the meantime?

It sounds like her going on a residential camp where she’ll be sharing a bedroom shouldn’t happen in the short term again for her sake and her room mates

You have opened comms with the school so just see how they respond. I doubt they’ll just dismiss as “girls being girls” (whatever that even means)

As this is happening because of bullying, you should consider to relocate her as her environment once improved would help her to behave normally. Her personality would also improve. You should also consider therapy for her to remove her emotional stress and trauma.

Thanks. I'd be ok moving her if she wasn't in year 10. It's just so hard to know what to do for the best.
She's come home in an ok mood so I will chat with her later

Absolutely. She wouldn't want to go again as much as she enjoyed every other bit of it, this is the thing she focussed on

This is the first time you have raised it with the school. At least give them a chance!!

Private therapy?