Teen drama or bulling?

[Lovemusic33]

Not sure if I will get much traffic here (didn’t even realise there was a bullying section).

Dd is 14 (year 10), school has always been tough for her as she has Aspergers and anxiety. She goes to small high school and has a small group of friends since year 7. They usually have lunch together and I have had these children over my house (she has been to there’s). One of the girls has made friends with 2 other girls that bully my dd. My dd says that the girl will bring these girls over when dd is eating her lunch and sit next to her, the girls bully my dd and her friend doesn’t try and stop them. Dd wants to approach the friend today and tell her she doesn’t want to be her friend anymore because she is letting these girls bully her. I’m worried how dd will word this and also worried that her other friends could turn against her (she only really has 3 other friends, 2 are boys, one other girl).

Should I let dd deal with it?

I have this girls mothers phone number as dd went to her party in the summer, should I message her and tell her what’s going on? Or just let dd sort it?

I feel your pain. It’s so hard to know when to stand on the sidelines, and when to try and step in to help.

I think talking to the other mother is always risky and in this case even more so. Given your talking about the mother (not of the ones you see bullying) but of a friend (who may see it as her daughter being allowed to expand her circle of friends, eat lunch with others etc and may not see it as her responsibility to get her daughter to stop other people’s children bullying yours) I think this is a dangerous course of action.

I’d say - talk a bit more with your daughter, and help her frame how she brings it up with her friend and support her depending on how that goes. Involving other mothers is tough and best avoided in my view. But of course only a view.

I would go straight to teacher and ask for some gentle intervention/keeping an eye on and report what has been fed back.
Make sure the teacher doesn't take it upon themselves to draw attention and breach your confidence at this point, because at this point a very simple 'being caught out once, and those girls being spoken to can put an end to it.