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Bullying

Find advice from others who have experienced school or workplace bullying on our Bulllying forum.

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Original poster

Son being bullied

28 replies

StressedToSickness · 29/09/2018 16:44

My son is being bullied by another child, the bully is a little bit younger so my son can't even defend himself otherwise he gets the blame. I've tried talking to the other child multiple times, I've told them both to stay away from each other and I've even tried talking to the other boys mum but she did nothing. My son is by no means perfect and he has retaliated and probably antognised to some extent but this child has hit my son with a metal bar, and a baseball bat, he has pulled on his hair and ears and tried to choke him. I'm not sure what else I can do. I have thought about phoning the police as a last resort, but I'm worried that could make it worse, I've spoke with them before and because they are young children they don't seem to care/there isn't a lot they can do. It is happening nearly every day and is stressing me out to the point where I feel incredibly unwell, I feel so bad for my son but I don't know what else I can do :(

OP posts:

MamasGarden · 29/09/2018 17:11

How old are they both?

Your child isn't just being bullied - he's being beaten with objects and choked. That's assault. I would threaten the little boy's parents with police if anything happens again. Sorry this is happening to your son.

GreenTulips · 29/09/2018 17:13

How old
Where is this happening

Wolfiefan · 29/09/2018 17:14

Sounds awful. Where is this happening? School? Playing out?

m0therofdragons · 29/09/2018 17:20

Where is it happening and how old are they? Key info if you want advice really.

Original poster

StressedToSickness · 29/09/2018 17:28

Sorry should of included that, it's at a local play area next to my house, he does similar things to other children tells them to leavethe area or he will punch them etc, they're 8 and 10

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Burlea · 29/09/2018 17:34

My DGD who is 10 was being bullied by a girl of the same age, my DIL phoned and reported to the police after trying all other avenues, a PSCO came out and logged the incident so they have a crime number. They also spoke to the other girl and fortunately this must of scared her as the bullying has stopped.
Please report they were very helpful.

missyB1 · 29/09/2018 17:35

To be honest I wouldn’t let your ds play there with that going on. It’s a shame to stop him going but better than your ds getting injured.
Could you stick to inviting the nicer kids to play at yours?

Original poster

StressedToSickness · 29/09/2018 17:39

I may have to do that it seems like the only other option, I will try talking to his parents one last time to let them know that if it doesn't stop I'll have to report it. His parents aren't exactly the type of people that are up for a calm discussion which makes it all the more awkward.

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Original poster

StressedToSickness · 29/09/2018 17:43

I have tried getting him to play elsewhere and having people over instead, which is fine occasionally but he just gets so frustrated that he can't go out and play because it's somewhere he's always enjoyed up to the point this other child showed up.

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missyB1 · 29/09/2018 18:05

yeah he’s learnt his aggressive behaviour from somewhere and it’s probably home. Violence might well be the answer in his house.
Local community officer might be a solution.

MamasGarden · 29/09/2018 18:08

Take pictures of any future injuries caused by that little terror and start to log incidents. If he's threatening the other children then their parents must know too.

I'd let your son know he's allowed to defend himself. Of course not giving the other boy a punch if he just got shoved, but if he gets his hair pulled and choked he's allowed to hit back for his own safety. With the baseball bat and metal pole - I'd call the police straight away. How horrible your son has to deal with this.

summerlovingliz · 29/09/2018 18:15

I know this is not the answer but I would keep him away too. Another option could be going to watch or asking an older teenage boy to accompany your ds?

Original poster

StressedToSickness · 29/09/2018 19:11

I will start logging everything, thats a good idea. I normally do go watch him but it can be embarrassing for him to need supervision at his age, he has an older friend that goes out with him too and it's not as bad when he is there but still happens, I'm honestly not sure how this bully gets away with what he does as he is like it to so many kids, but yes it is definitely learnt behaviour as his mum was the same at school and is known being a bully herself.

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GreenTulips · 29/09/2018 20:21

See ignore there's a local community police officer to walk round the area and speak to the child

Sometimes a firm word can help - he may be able to officer advice or involve other agencies. This boy may well need help

Sadly the karma in these situations leads to the child becoming friendless and it worsens their behaviour.

Log incidents take photos of injuries get your child to hand write a report in his own words

Is this child attending the same school? If so report it there as well.

CaptSkippy · 29/09/2018 20:53

Maybe he should just hit back. I was only able to get rid of my bullies by beating them up. Sometimes that's the only way.

Original poster

StressedToSickness · 30/09/2018 11:01

Yes they do go to the same school but luckily are on opposite sides of the school ground's so never come into contact with each other. I would tell him to just hit them back but because the other boy is a bit younger he has excuses made for him and my son end's up with all the blame.

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GreenTulips · 30/09/2018 11:16

Who blames him?

I'd also encourage him to hit back - just once - make it count - you may find this child stops picking on your son in future -

Blame wise I wouldn't give any of mine greig for defending themselves

CaptSkippy · 30/09/2018 11:18

As I understand your story now, your son gets blamed whether he reacts or not. So he can either allow the bullying and get blamed and also be forced off his favorite playground or he can teach the bully a lesson and discourage the behavior forever. Age does not really factor into it. Only if the bully is a lot smaller, but clearly that does not seem to disadvantage him as he has hit your son with a metal bar.

Wolfiefan · 30/09/2018 15:30

He gets the blame for what?

Original poster

StressedToSickness · 30/09/2018 18:45

When I say he gets the blame I mean he retaliates or tries to defend himself then the other boy will run off and tell other children/other parents that it is my son that has started it, he's also tried the same when I've confronted him about things even though I've been watching and seen exactly what's happened.

Thanks for all the advice everyone.

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GreenTulips · 30/09/2018 19:06

Video him
Show him
Call him out on it - or report it as assult to the community police - if be suprised if they haven't already heard of this family

Wolfiefan · 30/09/2018 20:28

So this boy winds him up until he’s physically violent?

HsD2975 · 30/09/2018 20:33

This other child sounds a complete horror bag and it must be so worrying for you. My son has been the victim of bullying for many years and I completely get where you are coming from, it makes you ill.

My son was physically attacked at school and I contacted the police for advice and they didn’t want to know.

I would try one last attempt at speaking to his parents after the next incident.

What I would suggest is taking photographs of any injuries or recording an attack makes. I would then take your findings to a police station and ask somebody on the front desk to view the footage, show them photographs, explain this is ongoing and ask what can you do?

I would also be concerned that your son may end up with a trip to casualty if this appalling behaviour continues.

Please keep us posted on how you get on and good luck.

Original poster

StressedToSickness · 30/09/2018 21:09

@Wolfie He does wind him up and he will push him around and hit him until he has no option but to push him back.

@Hs + Tulips that's good advice I'll be sure to do that, cant really argue with video as proof.

He is an absolute nightmare, makes me wonder how he has ended up like it to be honest, I've never known another child to be so awful to people.

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Wolfiefan · 30/09/2018 21:16

Well he does have an option. He can leave. I wouldn’t be letting him out when this child is about. Have his friends over.
How the child got like this? He’s 8 and playing out alone. Go figure.

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