Spiteful child in my daughters class

[Maturemumma]

Hi everyone, I'd be ready grateful for any advice regarding help I can give my 5 year old daughter so she can stand up for herself against a girl in her class who is a spiteful, sneaky little madam. She picks on the softer natured girls in the class and has done since reception. I raised it with school then and have had another incident last week. The school take it seriously but they can't watch this girl all day! I want to help my daughter learn to deal with her, so any help is very much appreciated 😊 Thank you in advance xx

Spiteful and sneaky are pretty explosive terms to use without examples as a backup OP...what is this girl actually doing?

Yes, what are the incidents exactly?

Watching with interest. My 6 yo dd is being excluded from their usual group by one girl in particular. The others are being instructed by this girl to not play with dd, or ignore her, that kind of thing. Most don’t listen to her and continue being friendly with dd, but it’s getting to dd.

Dd is no shrinking violet but it’s heartbreaking to see her confidence dented by even this low level stuff. It definitely falls within the ‘STOP’ remit (several times, on purpose) so I’ll mention it to her class teacher. Other girl has form for this kind of thing.

Thank you for your replies. I don't want to go into detail on this forum as I have no idea who is on here and reading my comments. My children go to a very small school and I really don't want to risk anyone identifying the school or guessing who I am.

I did feel that having my choice of words questioned was unnecessary, especially as I was asking for advice. What has happened is largely irrelevant. What is relevant is the fact that my daughter is being picked on by a child almost a year older than her and I asked for help from people who might be able to guide me towards some techniques which I can help my daughter to learn, so she can stand up for herself.

The child in question said to another child that if B€£%y came to X's party she was going to kill her..... I hope you now understand why the words I chose to describe this child were not OTT. She makes sure she never says or does ANYTHING in front of or within earshot of any adults btw.... is this a clear enough explanation?

I think you need to keep raising it with the school.
If this child is bullying your daughter then they need to talk to her and Yes, they can keep an eye on her all the time.

Is she in the same class?
When I experienced this the teacher did a whole class talk about what is and isn't ok

Hi Cakeymccakington,

Thank you for your reply. I did raise it again this week and I feel confident the teacher will deal with it. They are in the same class, it is very small so makes observation by the teacher and her helper much more possible but also has the disadvantage of lessening the space between the kids!

The very sad issue here is the girl's Mum is a really lovely, gentle and kind person and she has expressed her sadness to another Mum that her daughter hasn't really made any friends yet.... at some point I feel I will grasp the nettle and talk to her over a cup of tea but I have promised my daughter faithfully that I won't say anything to her at the moment, as she is really frightened of reprisal from this girl. I cannot go against this promise as my daughter doesn't tell me much and the fact she actually told me last week means she must really be at the end of her tether with it now.

Yes, I understand how difficult it is. My son was also in a small school which was nice in a lot of ways but also meant there was not a lot of choice with who to play with!

I would expect the school to tell the other parent about it

I'm so sorry to read you and your daughter are going through a similar thing. I am shocked that such young children are capable of such nasty behaviour.

I have my theories about why this girl is picking on my daughter but she is also nasty to other girls, so I feel that she is fundamentally either unhappy or just an incredibly un-generous individual.

Good luck with your situation.

xx

I'm new to this so not sure how to make my responses directly to another user!! that last message was to austenozzy!!

Hi cakeymccakington, I think the teacher will do a general talk in class about how to treat other people first and if things don't improve I think she will speak to me and see what I want to do. She said she would get back to me within the next 2 weeks anyway.

I actually don't feel this child can change without a great deal of help. She gets pleasure from seeing the reactions of those she is picking on, there is so much she has said and done and continues to do on a daily basis, I just can't go into detail here.... She and another pupil (her only ally it would seem!) pinned another child in the corner of the playground one day and wouldn't let her go, until she almost wet herself That cannot be within the bounds of normality, surely?

Maturemumma - no it is not normal at all.
At least it sounds as though the teacher is being proactive.
Have been in your shoes as a Mum and yes, the reaction is what they thrive on - so I would recommend your dd has a go at seeming totally disinterested in the nasty behaviour - and definitely not reacting in front of them at all. Very hard and why should they have to do this really .. but it might help a little.

This happened to my DD. Other child was her best friend! Spiteful comments when no one listening, etc. When quite clearly it was not going to stop I went to head teacher, she got the girls in together the same day, other child cried, head told my DD to let her know if it happened again. That was over a year ago and not one spiteful comment has been spoken since. Let school sort it out I'd say.

Good luck, hope you get it sorted

She gets pleasure from seeing the reactions of those she is picking on

There's your answer, DD is to walk away or some responses

'That's not nice
That's unkind
You mean I'm 'repeat word'
Why did you say that?

Do not engage

AMumma16, ICantFightThisFeelingAnyLonger, GreenTulips thank you all very much for your extremely helpful comments and advice. I feel so much happier about taking a step forward now with this. :)