Saw 8 YO get shoved

[August1984]

Back in September we moved to a new area and so my DD went to a new school.

She's always been a happy child with secure friendships. As soon as she started at this new school I noticed that she started having body issues (do you think I'm fat, I'm going to stop eating puddings etc) but assumed it was her age (she's 8)

Then I noticed that she kept saying she was ill and being sent home- 7 times since September.

I started watching and got a really bad vibe from some of her "friends". They didn't smile when she walked in and gave the kinds of looks to both of us that I've only seen in American 'mean girl' films, not on the faces of little girls! But DD kept saying things were fine.

She's finally admitted that around 4 of the girls leave her out, won't let her play with them sometimes etc, will throw her coat. Then today as I collected her from school one girl (who hadn't seen me I assume) pushed her face into hers and shoved into her with her shoulder. I was utterly shocked, but wanted to check with DD before I flipped.

DD has confirmed this girl was being mean/violent but has BEGGED me not to say a word to anyone. I've never dealt with anything like this and am desperate not to make it worse, yet really feel like I need to intervene. Sorry for the long post but...help!

I would be into school the next day to have a chat with her teacher. Describe what you saw, tell them your concerns about DD missing school and ask if they've noticed anything with the other child and your DD in the classroom or at playtime.

At 8 they are at an age where this issue can go away quickly if addressed quickly. Best of luck.

I would have taken the girl straight to the teacher immediately to explain what I'd seen

You need to tell the teacher what you saw even if it's late. You could always tell the teacher confidentially on the phone and ask that she not let on it was you that informed.

Get to the bottom of things with your daughter. Is she unhappy at school?

Your daughter lacks the maturity and wisdom to make the decision whether to report or not, you need to do the right thing and go to the school tomorrow. Best wishes.

Yes I wish I'd reacted more quickly, I was just completely thrown and didn't want to kick up a fuss if it was something playful. Then when I spoke to DD the child had gone.

My first reaction was to call/email school but I'm very concerned about making it worse and making her more of a target, which is what DD believes will happen.

Most times when DS has had an issue in school I've told hIm to just ignore, play with other children, stay out of the way of horrible children but this is a lot more and I don't think reporting it will make her more of a target, she is already being targeted in the worst way and I'm sure their parents would be horrified to learn how their children are making your daughter feel. Good luck Op

Bullies will assume they won't be told on - stand up now before it escalates - the child needs help in her social interactions - it will benefit both girls