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Bullying

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Original poster

Have I caused this bullying?

26 replies

SandyDays · 03/10/2016 19:38

I really need some advise
My son (year 5 primary) loves running and has been training with his dad for over a year. It's been great for them both and a few months ago he asked if he could do a sort of video diary / blog.
I looked into it and agreed we could film him and put his runs on YouTube and help him with a Twitter page.
He really enjoyed making the short films and it was fun watching the views go up on YouTube.
But, tonight he started crying when I put him to bed and it turns out his 'friends' have seen some of the videos and are giving him a really tough time about them.
I feel awful.
I never thought his own school friends would turn on him. He said it's been going on for over a week.
I've gone down he route of it's because he's doing something different and he needs to be strong and proud of what he's doing. But at the same time I've told him if it continues he must speak to his teacher as its bullying.
I asked if he wanted to stop making the videos and for now he doesn't.
Please help with any advise, I feel like I've let him down by agreeing to the videos and opening him up to this, but he was really enjoying it.

OP posts:
Trefoil · 03/10/2016 21:17

No you haven't let him down - you weren't to know what would happen I think I would just encourage him to be wrong in himself and just agree with the factual side of things/ be matter of fact 'oh yes I made the videoed' sort of thing

Trefoil · 03/10/2016 21:18

Be strong in himself!! Dam autocorrect!

ineedamoreadultieradult · 03/10/2016 21:23

What sort of things have they been saying? Can you get a friendly older child say 12/13 to take a look at the videos and offer some advise or tips. I know you shouldn't have to but might help make him feel more confident if he knows his videos are considered 'cool'.

Original poster
SandyDays · 03/10/2016 21:24

Thankyou for your kind words
I tried to explain to him that people often don't like it when other people do something different and that if he's confident and shows he isn't embarrassed they won't have any ammunition to bully him. But I don't like feeling that I've put him In this position in the first place.
Will see what tomorrow brings....

OP posts:
Optimist3 · 03/10/2016 21:27

What are they saying exactly?

How old are they?

Optimist3 · 03/10/2016 21:28

Are the parents approachable?

Original poster
SandyDays · 03/10/2016 21:31

He does have two older step sisters who could maybe put some comments on.
Some seen to be laughing that he 'only'has 50views or that he 'only' has 1 like.
Others are. Saying that he should be doing something different like Xbox reviews or something.

OP posts:
Original poster
SandyDays · 03/10/2016 21:31

He's 9

OP posts:
Supertrooperloopthelooper · 03/10/2016 21:38

Talk to the school not the parents. Whatever they say they Should be acting on out of class bullying of school mates. CEOP man who came to school talk told us that. School denied it to my face though. Start dealing with it now. Kids can be arseholes at that age. Any little difference and they can crucify a child. My kid was bullied throughout yr 6 because he wasn't cool. Hadn't changed and used to be best mates with kid. I just think some kids are so massively insecure they torment others to make themselves feel better

You haven't caused this. But tell school. Your kid sounds great by the way. What about a running club?

ineedamoreadultieradult · 03/10/2016 21:38

That sounds like jealousy to me which doesn't really help your DS but helps you know how you handle it. I think some talking about individuality etc will help him I can't think of any examples at the moment but I'm sure Google will help you find articles about famous v loggers etc who got no views/negative comments when they first started. I would also have a word with his teacher who can do some general class chats about online bullying etc.

Caper86 · 03/10/2016 21:41

Post the link and we'll give him some likes Smile

SpeckledyBanana · 03/10/2016 21:41

Yes, I thought jealousy too. We have this a little bit with DS playing for a local U8s team. He learned to say, so what team do you play for then, huh? (the boys in question don't play) - and seems to be dealing with it bow.

SpeckledyBanana · 03/10/2016 21:42

*now

MrsJayy · 03/10/2016 21:47

Social media can be ruthless your poor son he needs to say some thing like oh we just put it on si my family could see it and then get his sister's and other people to like stuff and say well done you haven't caused this though children and adults get all smart arsey it's very unkind

coolaschmoola · 03/10/2016 21:49

I'd speak to the school.

I also kind of agree that you left him vulnerable to this. The internet can be a harsh place and cyber bullying and in person bullying linked to it is well documented and, frankly, rife.

Nine is very young. He is emotionally ill equipped and, in my opinion, far too young to deal with the issues that can arise from presenting yourself to the world online.

There is no way I would let my child post vlogs online at nine, for precisely the reasons your ds is currently dealing with.

MrsJayy · 03/10/2016 21:50

Some Kids can't cope with other kids being different isn't it all Minecraft that 9yr Olds are into ?

MrsJayy · 03/10/2016 21:51

I would make his blogs private

NickiFury · 03/10/2016 21:52

I don't think you've caused it, you weren't to know, but having been badly bullied at school I know that some children will fasten on anything "different" and use it as a weapon. I would never put videos like that up and I don't allow my children to have profiles that allow comment on YouTube. I just had a sneaky suspicion of how it could go and I didn't want to expose them to unpleasant or cruel comments that might be made. Personally I would take the videos down. It's all very well to say he should embrace and be resolute about what he values but he can do that without giving potential bullies an in. Resilience is something that builds gradually over time and at such a young age he shouldn't have to be dealing with this kind of thing.

MrsJayy · 03/10/2016 21:52

My friends teenage Dd had a channel she is a singer the abuse that girl got was horrific

CauliflowerSqueeze · 03/10/2016 21:55

I would either take his videos off YouTube or make the settings private.

He's too young to face any old internet wierdo posting crap, let alone his peers.

MrsJayy · 03/10/2016 22:10

I agree he doesn't need this poor kid the internet is a weird place

MrsJayy · 03/10/2016 22:12

Can he do his videos subscription only I'm not up on the ins and outs of you tube

Original poster
SandyDays · 04/10/2016 06:33

Thankyou again for taking the time to offer advise.

I will call the school this morning to make his teacher aware of what is going on.

These kids are his friends and yet they have turned so quickly on him. It does seem that anything marginally different these days is used as a weapon to single that person out.

He's on the waiting list for our local club and he was running park run but was told he couldn't run without an adult so that had to stop.

I will turn off comments on his vids although no one has left a comment yet (just in case)

I feel so torn, on one hand I feel bullies shouldn't be given into - why should he stop doing something he's enjoying?
It's not a great example to set him to just give up when things get a bit tough.
But on the other hand, that's easy for me to say and deal with because I'm an adult, but he's 9 so this is a huge deal to him and if it's making him a target and getting him upset, well, nothing's worth that.

I don't do drop offs or pick ups my husband does, and he doesn't generally chat to their mums, but he is the coach of one of our local football clubs which several of the boys ( and our son) goes to.

OP posts:
Original poster
SandyDays · 04/10/2016 06:36

Mrsjayy I'm sorry to hear your friends daughter has also been bullied about a similar thing

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LyndaNotLinda · 04/10/2016 07:15

I would make them completely private. The other kids aren't commenting on them now are they? They're being unkind to his face so that isn't going to stop anything.

Tell him you made a mistake and that actually you're not allowed a YouTube channel at his age (true). Then he can still have his vlogs but no one will see them.