Sexual Bullying at Primary School

[MM72]

Hi, I'd really appreciate any perspectives or advice on this one.

My 11yo DD, year 6, came home today very upset. She had been to see the head teacher but wouldn't tell me why. Eventually, through a series of notes and broken conversations, she tells me it was because a year 3 boy had chased her across the school trying to 'hump' her. He and his friends had found this extremely amusing, and my DD was understandably distressed.

I am planning to go into the school on Monday to see what they are doing about this, but would really appreciate hearing if anyone else has had to deal with something like this, and any advice on what outcomes I should be looking for.

Thanks in advance,
Mx

I don't have any experience in this. Hope your daughter is okay, and well,done to,her for being able to tell you what happened.

The only thing I can think of is to write down everything your daughter has said, in the safety of your home, in case she gets nervous at school. Also, get names of all the boys.

The school should have a bullying (or anti-bullying?) policy, so,you need to ask for this.

Also, have an idea of what you want the outcome of the meeting to be.

There was an incident at our school where some Y2 girls wouldn't let the class bully (a VERY troubled boy) join in their game and he physically assaulted one, using language that strongly suggests he is witnessing DV at home (along the lines of 'I'll show you what happens when you disrespect me you cunt). The outcome was that the girls got a lecture from the HT about inclusive play.

Way to go, HT: make sure they learn now that it's their job to placate the angry male

So in your case I'd want to be really sure the school is dealing with the sexual aspect and not minimising it because she didn't suffer physical harm and he is younger. So far as I know there is no requirement on schools to treat sexual bullying any differently from normal bullying, but given the involvement and encouragement of other boys I would be looking for some action to send a message to the wider school community about appropriate and respectful behaviours. AVA (www.avaproject.org.uk/) offers advice to schools on good resources on violence against women and girls. The PSHE Association (www.pshe-association.org.uk/) is also good.

I wouldn't term this one off incident as bullying BUT the behaviour of the boy is inappropriate for his age and needs to be dealt with.

You need to talk to the Head Teacher about your concerns and if there is already a pattern of behaviour from this boy it should already be recorded by school.

When dd2 was in yr 3 we had an incident with her talk partner repeatedly trying to kiss her in and out of class. Unfortunately it took the school a while to take action and they did try to minimize it. She moved schools within a fortnight.

I wasn't too bothered about consequences for the boy because he isn't my concern. I would push to have his parents informed though. I focused on the impact on dd and what they would do to stop it happening again. When the teacher made me doubt myself I would think that if this was them in a work environment they wouldn't like being told that they had to sit next to a male teacher who was trying to kiss them so why should dd have to put up with it. We also discussed consent with her and that she always has he right to say no. So for that alone she was right to make a complaint.

She is happy at her new school and 6 months later she isn't talking about it much now. Hopefully as it is an isolated incident and she is not with them all the time she will put it behind her more quickly.

Thank you for all your responses, they're much appreciated. I will follow up with the school on Monday and see what they have to say. I think it's so important that it's not brushed under the carpet and is recognised as being totally inappropriate and unacceptable.

One very good reason to go to an all girls school

Why have you bumped a thread from 4 months ago?