DD very distressing phone call

[Libby456]

last week dd (15) came back from youth club very quiet. She went straight into the bathroom to have a bath then upstairs and called her friend. I thought that because she had just come back from youth club that she should get to bed as it was still a school night. I went to her door to tell her 10 more minutes or so but and i heard her crying.

She was saying things like 'its being going on for weeks' and 'i just dont know what to do' other things i couldnt make out. I decided since she needed a friends support to let her finish phone call and half an hour later we had a chat where i was told she has been victim of verbal and physical abuse at school and at youth club, she wont give me the 3 names of the girls involved or say why its started.

This would explain why she has been distant and emotional for some time (which i put down to hormones and school life) she doesn't sleep, ive seen her throw her lunch and dinner away and she spends a lot of the time crying. I'm worried this will develop into something and maybe it already has.

She has a very supportive friend she talks to daily. I have asked her who it is and shes said its a girls in the year below and above who are the bullies.

I have contacted the school but can do little without names.

are there any suggestions on how to help dd or pieces of advice?

Thank you
Libs x

I am so sorry this is happening to your daughter.

You can try these web sites

www.bullying.co.uk/

www.imgettingbullied.com/shareyourstory.html

Also just letting her know you are there and not judging will help.
Maybe explain that she can tell you what's going on but that she is in control regarding what you do about it. Being bullied takes control away from you so maybe by giving some back might help her feel a little stronger.

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Would she text you their names rather than saying out loud?

Sounds like you are all having a terrible time, as I've just seen you other thread about your older DD. Could you arrange something fun, safe and unstressful for you all to do at the weekend before trying to have some tricky conversations to find put what is going on?

I am so sorry that your daughter has gone through this. Do you think that she might respond to you sitting down and saying something like

• I am sorry that you have had to deal with this
• I want to help you find a way of making this stop
• but in order to do this, I need to know who is involved,
• I can't promise not to pass their names onto the school, or to contact their parents, because what they are doing is wrong
• but my concern is you. You have a right not to have these people make your life difficult in school and out of it.

Might it be worth speaking to the organisers of the youth club to see if they have picked up on anything. Sometimes they can just see something in a smaller group that school might not pick up on?

I think as funny foot says. Let her know you are there to listen and will act how she wants you to. That you can report it to school/youth club and even the police depending on the degree of bullying. I believe Facebook and social media bullying is dealt with quickly and efficiently these days.

However I would say if you feel that your daughter is not coping then go over her wishes and speak to school. Ask them to set up a session with a counsellor or peer support and help her with techniques to deal with it.

My eldest went through years of bullying and it was only leaving school for college at 16 that he's finally changing and becoming happier.

Some very un mumsnet hugs to you and dd

Libby 456

I see from another thread where the posters DD was being bullied that you posted advice and you have recommended bullying support advice groups. I suggest you start with them as they are different from the ones I mentioned.