Bullying behaviour to y3 daughter , ? Move schools ?

[maryEliz]

My 7y DD has had a tough time since sept. a girl in her class dominated her in past 18 mths. Didnt like her playing with anyone else but v quiet and sneaky. Had my suspicions all no good but she is a quiet girl and hides her manipulation well. In sept she dropped my dd like a stone and then began excluding her from games in break time taking the other 4 girls with her. My dd then left on her own with no one to play with. She has fallen behind massively from top of class to barely doing anything and sitting near support group. Went to see head who said other girls don't like my DD. says it will be very tricky and take long time to fix. my dd is v unhappy, not sleeping well, compulsive hand washing etc. She has friends outside of school , no problems, lots of play dates etc. she is very pretty and well liked outside of school. Now i discover that the mean girls dad is calling my dd names 'whingeing gingerhead and redhead monster child" and this is what other girls in class now calling her. should I move her? There is a place in village school with girls she knows and gets on with. A small established group so worried it may happen again. Don't know what to do......

I'd take her out.

I don't normally suggest moving schools but I think I'd take her out too. The school seems to be failing her all round. The ginger-ist comments are unforgivable. Your poor dd :(

Normally I would say tackle the problem where she is but as you describe this I would not hesitate to move her and fast.

She sounds very unhappy but it may not be all down to this one child. What strategies did the head suggest ? If you are not happy ask to see the bullying policy and take it up with the relevant governor. At very least they should address the name calling and playground issue. Are there other options such a s them managing the groups she works with , swapping class etc. If you take her out and put her among a smaller school it could still be a problem and your options are fewer. Also she may feel somehow to blame.

Thank you for such prompt definite replies. Feels like such a big thing to do as would have preferred to see through to get good conclusion but in my heart knows we need to go. Current school v academic and competitive and transfer would be to less academic but friendly small church school with good pastoral support - just want to get my happy girl back!

Mary, I chose a school that doesn't get the best academic results - it's always in the middle of all the results tables. However the school is a (large) happy school and my dd y4 and ds yr1 have been very happy so far.

I say go with your gut every time. Your dd will probably breathe a sigh of relief.

Crumbs, your poor dd and poor you. It must be very upsetting. She does not deserve nor warrant this kind of behaviour.

I would definitely move her, but get lots of advice on how to prepare her for her new school, so that she doesn't carry the awful baggage and low self esteem from this school.

I'm really surprised at the school, from experience, I would have thought they would be able to deal with it via class talks and friendship discussions, they're only 7 after all? This cannot be a shock to them, they must have seen to coming and could have tried to nip it in the bud. You must be incredibly disappointed with them (I know I would be).

I have been through issues with my kids but nowhere near what you are dealing with, I'm always shocked at how young all this starts nowadays, for me it was senior school. What a huge shame.

As for the father's comments, completely out of order and inappropriate, how do you know he is saying this?

I find your story incredibly sad and I wish good luck to you both

Small pastoral school sounds lovely.

Pushy school probably has lots of overly competitive kids/parents. The children are in effect isolating and excluding your DD. it is possible that this manipulative behaviour is a feature throughout the school and the school has poor discipline and therefore a poor grip in how to resolve things. Maybe the school is too weak to deal with the bullying.

I would definitely email the school and tell them what the dad and kid are calling your child. She's obviously getting it from him.