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Bullying

Find advice from others who have experienced school or workplace bullying on our Bulllying forum.

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Original poster

Allegations that my DS is a bully - help.

9 replies

Takeadeepbreath · 05/09/2011 21:50

Someone I thought was a close friend has accused my son (7) of being involved in bullying her son (7).According to her my DS did not let her DS play football and shouted at him. This only happened a couple of times and their relationship has always been blowing hot or cold and I know my DS has been upset by him before.To my mind this is not bullying but just children learning social skills and general playground politics, although I accept its not good for kids to be unkind or shout, so I don't condone what my son has done. However she has been telling other parents about my child bullying and has said she is going to the school although I don't know if she will name names. This friend and I are in a close social group of parents and although I don't want to upset the apple cart I am really upset that she has made these allegations (on the phone not in person) and that she is telling others about it. :(

How should I handle it as it has really unsettled me, or am i completely over-reacting? Advice greatly appreciated. Thanks

OP posts:

cornsylk · 05/09/2011 21:52

Hopefully everyone else will at her. School are unlikely to act on that information also. I would be very cross in your shoes though.

Original poster

Takeadeepbreath · 05/09/2011 22:07

thanks cornsylk. What do i do next should i ignore her or confront her? I dont think she has any idea that she has upset me. Feeling really confused about this and dont want to start obsessing!!

OP posts:

cornsylk · 05/09/2011 22:09

If it was me I would want to confront her but dh would convince me to rise above it. Hopefully everybody else will see the situation for what it is.

RandomMess · 05/09/2011 22:12

When she speaks to you about it you need to say to her that you are very concerned and you will be up at the school next day to discuss it with them.

I had this experience, it was horrendous. The school were as they said my dc was absolutely completely innocent .

All you can do is say you will support the school 100% and leave them to sort it out IYSWIM

Original poster

Takeadeepbreath · 05/09/2011 22:15

Thanks, I hope they see it for what it is too. Your dh sounds like mine, he told me there was nothing to be gained by talking to her about it and hes prob right. Trouble is I have to see her everyday in playground - he doesnt. The joys of small town living!

OP posts:

Hassled · 05/09/2011 22:18

I think for the sake of knowing in your own mind that your DS is innocent you need to maybe talk to the teacher/playground supervisor - I know from bitter experience that your DC's version of playground events can be very skewed. And if you do the "I'm really concerned" thing then she'll be less likely to pursue things herself.

But basically I agree that what you've described doesn't sound like bullying. You just need to make damn sure it's not on the back of your DS excluding hers from other stuff, etc.

nickschick · 05/09/2011 22:24

Ive been in a similar situation except it was my ds who was being made miserable for doing the 'right thing' and letting a friends child play when really the group of boys found this particular child quite unfriendly.

The little boy always wanted to be in charge always wanted to be the best and threatened anyone who disagreed with him with his Dad and the dogs,one day ds was brave enough to say he wasnt playing and he and 3 friends played in the back garden in the tent - friend came round with her child and said 'he was being left out' dh was very cross with ds as he said it was bullying.

After speaking with other mums it all became apparent friends child was using ds to get into all the games (my ds is very easy going and placid and avoids all trouble) - we then had to say to ds it was up to him who he played with and when friend turned up and demanded her ds be allowed to play I simply said ds has chosen 3 friends to play im sorry its not xxxxx.

Unfortunately 'friend' stopped being such a friend when due to ds being miserable I stopped being so handy for stints of looking after her child at the drop of a hat etc etc- it sad to see her ds still waiting on the sidelines trying to join in and then when he does hes bossing everyone around again.

mightymouth · 21/09/2011 15:59

These are very young children. A good teacher would help this little boy learn to be sociable and stop dominating the game or threatening to get his Dad and his dogs onto other kids. Once he learns to socialise better and feels happier the others won't leave him out so much. It would be a real pity if he began to see himself as a victim of bullying cos he won't learn how to get on with others. Your son cannot teach him this single handed. HIs mum and the teacher should ideally work together to give him confidence and imporve his ability to interact and play with others. It is not bullying.

Miette · 04/10/2011 22:59

When my daughter was bullied. (Repeatedly upset on purpose.) I wrote a note to the teacher about it. The teacher had a word with both of them and it stopped. I didn't confront the other mum (which never ends well) and I didn't bitch about it to other mums. I can understand that your friend was upset as our children being picked on brings out our fiercely protective instincts, but your friend really would have been better off to let the teacher deal with it than to go around bitching about it.

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