A day in the life of......

[BunnyLebowski]

DD is 13 months old and breastfed . She feeds about 10 times a day (mostly snack feeds with about 3 big feeds a day). Has never taken expressed milk and won't take any replacement). She takes lots of water every day though in her doidy cup thingy.

DP works full time 9-5. I work in a pub - 3 evenings a week and 2 day shifts on a weekend.

So basically when dd isn't with me she's with DP and vice versa.

Appreciate this isn't the ideal but with my family being in Ireland and DP's being total f*cktards it's all we're left with .

DD doesn't and has never slept through. She usually goes to sleep at about 8pm and wakes about 4/5am and then goes back over till about 6/6.30am.

I'm pretty sure DP is getting pissed off as lots of our friends are talking about their babies sleeping from 7pm till 7am whilst dd is not. On saying that he is and always has been extremely supportive of me bf'ing dd.

Also she hasn't said 'dada' yet despite saying 'mama', 'mami', 'bella (the cat) and 'go go go'.

To help a desperate and dysfunctional set of parents please reassure me that our set-up is (relatively) normal?

With no-one to compare to but mn it get's a wee bit confusing

Sounds ok.

When she wakes does she feed?

Yep but only for about 5 mins or so and then she's much more interested in breakfast/makka pakka .

Just to make clear I am in no rush to stop bf'ing at all. It's been a rocky but hugely satisfying journey for me and dd.

I absolutely want to keep going but my minor insecurities coupled with the insidious 'too big for that' and 'oh you're a big girl now' comments are beginning to grate! (well that and the nipples you could grate a block of cheddar on with no sensation )

It really does sound ok.

A lot fewer babies/children sleep from 7-7 than parents are willing to admit. Sleep patterns is something which is frequently lied exaggerated. Your dd is normal. My 13 mo old dd2 still feeds three a couple times a night and that is also normal. I work full time so it makes up for the feeds and cuddles we miss out from so much separation. We cosleep too as everyone gets more sleep this way and we also have no relatives to help with childcare. I have not had a child free night in 4.5 years. If we go anywhere, they come or we can't don't go. Dh and I have slowly realised that this 'burden' is actually a precious one as they are important parts of our lives and this dependent stage is a small fraction of the rest of our lives.

Thank you all for the reassurance.

It seems like DP and I aren't sharing the same viewpoint at the minute.

I am not good at any kind of controlled crying/sleep training. If dd wakes it makes sense for me to go and feed her and out her back down.

DP thinks we should be leaving her to cry and then if she escalates he goes in to try and settle her but more often than not this results in her wailing as all she wants is me/my boobs.

Then he gets pissed off and this morning stomped downstairs with her and slammed the door and then when I went down to see what was up he shouted at me and went on to tell me that he feels useless and that dd is 'too dependent' on me . Oh and that it's my fault that she won't sleep through and that my mumsnet friends are wrong when they give me reassurance and advice.

The way I see it she's a 13 months old baby so of course she's going to be dependent on her mum! I don't mind at all. I'm still really enjoying bf'ing.

I think she's going through a growth spurt as she's feeding madly at the minute.

I don't think we're doing too badly in terms of sleep quantity. I just wish DP would realise that, as you say Foxy, a lot of couples exaggerate about babies sleeping through.

Feel really crap today. He left the house this morning without me saying a word to him. I was so angry and hurt .

they are little for such a short time.

enjoy every minute.

you sound like a brilliant mum.

you are doing brill. Your DP sounds a bit like mine although our DS is a lot younger so not quite the same conversations - but DP feels we should think about sleep training soon and that DS wakes too much at night and that I respond too quickly. DS does wake a lot and I do feed him - he is tiny.
DP means well and he is very tired! I think they might feel they can't help us and that if the DC were not so dependent only on Mum (even though they know it is natural) that they could help us and all get more sleep.
From your set up it seems maybe you do not get a lot of time together as a three? Is that right? if so agan we are the same but have just had two weeks hols (a real luxury) and it has made a huge difference - importantly to how DP feels about DS being a baby and needing us both.
hang in there. talk to DP.

Thanks everyone.

DP's behaviour today was really out of character and that's why it shocked me so much.

I do understand that he must feel a wee bit secondary to me but I try to explain to him that it's not he case of dd simply preferring me to him, it's because she associates me with boobs and comfort and being fed and being all snuggly and sleepy and that's why she wants me when she's tired/upset.

We've made so much progress recently for example dd used to have to be fed to sleep every night but for the past 3 months DP takes her up to bed at the sane time every night and puts her over. A big achievement as she's never really gone to sleep without being fed.

He's not here tonight but we're going to talk tomorrow. We're very solid and I know how much he loves me and dd. I just think he's feeling a bit stressed as he works long hours in a pretty high pressure job and the interrupted sleep isn't helping.

Thanks for reassuring me that I'm a good mum. It's easy to doubt yourself sometimes.