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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Anyones dh/dp not enthusiastic about breastfeeding?

33 replies

northstar · 06/02/2005 20:57

Just wondering? I was on my own with ds and breastfed happily and successfully for 9mths. Now i am living with dp and 6mths pg. It hadn't occurred to me NOT to bf, but he really doesnt like the idea - his mum didnt or any of his six sisters who all have 3-5 children (all healthy etc) I'm not the kind of person to be swayed from what i think is best, but any advice as to how i deal with this?
I know there's lots of literature, but anyone got any experience of this?

OP posts:

JulieF · 06/02/2005 22:57

Yes, my dh was totally against breastfeeding. He felt that it would push him out and he point blank refuses to beleive any research that b/f is better than formula feeding.

It made life very hard and I sometimes felt that he was deliberately not helping me to show me that it would be much easier to formula feed. I hit big problems (breast refusal) and went through physical and emotional hell.

What I would advise is to get other support. I had a great group of NCT friends and support from a wonderful breastfeeding counsellor, m/w and HV.

I did feel sorry for my m/w one time though. Dh and my mum were arguing with her over why she was encouraging me to continue when it wasn't working. In their opinion she should have been telling me to bottle feed and I was starving my baby.

milward · 06/02/2005 23:19

It's what you did last time so you have experience that his family doesn't have. Are you close to his sisters & mum? - perhaps they might be supportive? Would your dp be interested in the saving money side of things as bf is free! Perhaps it's because he doesn't know much about all the benefits of bf? - Perhaps once you start bf he'll be amazed at how easy it is as no bottles to organise & how much more cash there is to spend than if he had to buy formula. Good luck with this. Let us know how you get on xxx

charliecat · 06/02/2005 23:28

My mum and my dp sat on the sofa telling me BF was ridiculus as i was feeding DD2 on day 1 and I cant even remember what and why thier reasons were but they ranted on about it for ages(months). I took no notice of them at all and really enjoyed breastfeeding DD2 and found it a lot easier than bottlefeeding DD1(no making bottles/washing/sterilising them when your too tired to stand up etc)
I couldnt get to grips with expressing, so until dd2 was 14 months old neither of them gave her a bottle....but it hasnt damaged any of them...least of all dd2! Good Luck.

shrub · 06/02/2005 23:43

could be jealousy or fear of unknown? people can have quite mixed or ambivalent feelings towards bf. my dm didn't feed me and really couldn't understand why i was doing it. if marks and spencers did powdered milk she would think that far superior!
i bf my ds1 for 20 months through 3 bouts of mastitis, when ds2 was born, he was very sleepy and wasn't interested in feeding the first few hours, my dm made a point of asking the midwife:'how long can a baby survive without feeding?' her ignorance and cruelty of that comment still blows me away to this day
just smile sweetly at them if they start to pressure you and follow your instinct. feed in private if they make you feel uncomfortable. its such a precious time in you and your baby's life. best of luck x

Fran1 · 07/02/2005 01:06

What are his reasons?
Does he have any children?

If he's afraid it'll "ruin the boobs" just remind him that they inflate whilst breastfeeding! (my dp loved that and thankfully they havn't deflated too much either!)

If i were you i would say ok, we'll bottle feed if you want, but tell him he has to be the one that gets up 4, 5, 6 times a night to heat bottle listening to baby scream for it, sit up with matchsticks in eyes whilst feeding baby, then burp for 30mins, and then he can go back to bed .... for what 3hours?
And of course don't forget the extra luggage whilst out, and the extra washing up and making up of bottles. That should soon change his mind!

On a serious note, if he is concerned that he won't be able to bond with baby, i started expressing at 4 weeks purely so my dp could give dd a bedtime bottle and be part of the whole feeding/bonding experience. At such a young age dd was perfectly happy to switch and it was a good habit for later when i went back to work parttime.

Original poster

northstar · 07/02/2005 12:55

Thank you all so much for ansering i was afraid to look in case i just had one reply saying "get a life!"
His problems probably stem from a combination of all your suggestions, but what I am most afraid of is that he is put off me by seeing that my boobs are for "baby feeding". I will definately try giving him the option at 3/4/5am of breast or bottle feed.
I am also hoping that when he sees the tiny baby his concern will only be for what is best for baby and not him? BTW he is a lovely person, not selfish or anything and he is just being honest about his feelings.

OP posts:

Original poster

northstar · 07/02/2005 12:56

Oops- answering

OP posts:

LipstickMum · 07/02/2005 12:59

Perhaps when dp/h realises his feed at 3/4/5 am will actually disturb his nights sleep, he may suddenley decide that breastfeeding is ok

chatee · 07/02/2005 13:00

whenever babi is ill, my mums first comment is"maybe your milk isn't good enough".......good job i am stubborn....ds is 11.5months old and still breast fed 4/5 times in 24 hours..
when dh queries when i am giving up i just remind him that it will be him giving the night time feed and him doing all the washing of bottles....he soon changes his mind

milward · 07/02/2005 21:04

ns - it's great that he's being honest about his feelings. This is a good start as you know what's bothering him. Hopefully once he sees that bf is fine and that your relationship isn't effected he'll be ok about it. Good luck.

motherinferior · 07/02/2005 21:14

Tell him b/feeding will give you the most fabulous bosoms.

Gloss over the squirtiness, obviously.

Fran1 · 07/02/2005 22:56

LOL

I am sure if he asked my dp's advice he'd say bf makes the boobs big and good to look at, which over compensates the fact that you can't touch them without getting an eyeful. lol sorry if tmi

I do remember dp briefly raising this as one of his concerns, that bf would "ruin" my boobs. But as someone else said, once that precious baby comes along, who cares what your boobs look like! Baby is no.1 and gets only the best, and i do recall times when dd was screaming, dp would sigh and say just give her the boob for a bit of piece!

mears · 07/02/2005 23:09

northstar - my DH had no experience of breastfeeding and his mum and SIL bottlefed. Howver, once he actually met his baby and watched him breastfeed he soon changed his mind. So did parents-in-law actually. My MIL actually gives advice out to others on breastfeeding He will chnage his mind when the baby is here.

Original poster

northstar · 16/02/2005 10:11

Mears (and everyone) thanx, i am definately going to bf and really hope he is converted. I know he was a bit freaked when i said i was pg because he thought i was going to change and i DIDNT - well i did of course but not as a partner. Hopefully things will be the same after the birth. BTW had a little leak from a boob this morning and i still have 10wks to go would that be normal?

OP posts:

tiktok · 16/02/2005 10:21

Totally normal - your body just assumes you are going to bf, even if you and dp weren't

Original poster

northstar · 16/02/2005 10:41

great

OP posts:

acnebride · 16/02/2005 10:47

nothing to add just wanted to say how fantastic i thought all the posters here are who stuck to what they wanted to do with so little support. you're amazing and i hope your ds's and dd's know it

galaxy · 16/02/2005 10:50

Mine wasn't comfortable with the idea of breastfeeding before dd arrived but we talked about it and why it was important. When dd was born he was extremely supportive and often gave other people glares if they gave annoyed looks when I was feecding in public.

Original poster

northstar · 16/02/2005 11:01

good to know galaxy, how long did you bf for?

OP posts:

bundle · 16/02/2005 11:29

also, extended bfeeding reduces your risk of developing cancer by a couple of percentage points i believe

triceratops · 16/02/2005 11:47

My BIL hates the idea of breast feeding and says that it makes him feel sick. So much so that he pursuaded my sister to give up after just one week. She regrets it now and wishes that she had managed to ignore him but it is difficult to be strong with a one week old baby keeping you up at night.

At the time I was a bit disappointed when she told me about the bottles that she hadn't tried harder but didn't say anything as I wanted her to make her own decision. Now she says that she wished I had supported her more.

wordgirl · 16/02/2005 12:03

That's awful triceratops. I hope she at least got him to wash, sterilise and make up all the bottles and do all the night feeds!

Lonelymum · 16/02/2005 12:17

I b/f all 4 of my children and TBH, although my dh was fully supportive of this, there was an issue with it. I felt my bobs were exclusively feeding organs and didn't like dh to touch them. By the time I stopped feeding, he was frequently asking me when I was going to! But then, my youngest 2 I fed until they were a year old so maybe I did keep dh from my boobs for rather too long a time!

I think you should try to tell your dp how much you would like to b/f your baby (it was important to me, having b/f the first, that I did the same to my others) but if he really doesn't want you to, well, it isn't worth sacrificing the relationship for. As you say, plenty of babies grow up good and strong on formula milk.

Lonelymum · 16/02/2005 12:18

boobs, not bobs!

LittleB · 16/02/2005 12:43

Hi Northstar, I'm 6 months like you (and leaking a little too,have been for weeks!) My dp was concerned about it as his mother couldn't breast feed - but wanted too so is supportve. He now understands that its what I will do and that its better for baby, easier, cheaper etc. but is concerned about me bf in front of other people, seems to think I can pop upstairs to feed baby when we have friends/family around, I don't think this is practical - I don't think he realises how much time the baby will need to feed for! I think he is concerned about others seeing my breasts, although I know I can do this discreetly - I think he's a bit put off by a friend of mine who isn't discreeet at all, and although that doesn't bother him, it would bother him for others to see my breasts, any tips for help with this, or the best ways to feed discreetly?

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