Weaning 18 month old

[SpreadsheetLife]

DS has just turned 18 months and I would like to start the process of weaning/setting boundaries around breastfeeding, but I'm not sure where to start.

Sleep isn't an issue - night weaned at 12 months and he doesn't feed to sleep, sleeps through mostly and can be settled with a cup of water & bum pat if he wakes.

We mostly feed in the morning, after nursery and before brushing his teeth, however he's becoming more and more demanding, pulling my top down every time I pick him up, he has a huge tantrum and sobs his heart out if I refuse and I feel horrendously guilty. It's his biggest comfort and I feel awful taking it away from him, but I'm really struggling with how insistent he's becoming about it.

Please bear in mind he's only just turned 18 months so too young for Baby Moon/sticking plasters etc - he's never even seen a plaster before. His comprehension is good but he will not accept he can't have something he really wants.

At this age id just keep it very light and use distraction. Have you got a partner or can take over if he’s pulling at your clothes?

Thank you, I do yes, it's just that he's asking for a feed every time I hold him or try and have a cuddle. Sometimes he can be distracted, but a lot of the time he just ends up crying at me if I don't give in and feed him. Maybe I just need to be a bit tougher, it's so hard when I know he just wants that connection with me though.

It’s really good that you’ve already cracked night weaning. Well done for doing that.

I’d start with the morning feed and go straight to breakfast with a cup of milk. It helps if you have someone else to do his breakfast whilst you do something else.

Once you’ve done the first feed, I’d go for the one after Nursery. You can offer a drink and snack. Things like hot chocolate or a milkshake sweetened with banana usually is acceptable for them.

Then when you’ve done that and left it a couple of weeks, I’d go for the bedtime feed. With both of mine I went out at bedtime for a few night whilst DH did bedtime.

Another thing I did was to only feed in one seat and then just never sit down anywhere near to it during the day.

Have you heard of the don’t offer/don’t refuse method too?

I started with don’t offer / don’t refuse and it did work to reduce feeds. I’d start with cutting the morning feed - you’ll have to get them up, downstairs and offer something they like for breakfast. I found it hard to not have a slow start with a BF in bed but needs must! Then cut after nursery, we actually started going to the playground after pick up but it was light enough so appreciate it’s tricky. Offer a snack instead or a distracting activity? Then move the bedtime feed to downstairs before you go up, once we’d done that for a few weeks I found it easier to stop as it wasn’t associated with going to sleep. Plasters are an awful idea at any age in my opinion. Look at Emma Pickett on instagram she has such good tips on weaning a toddler.

And also I do think you have to accept some tears . It’s a big transition but you are there with them offering cuddles and acknowledging their sadness.

I don’t think he’s too young for stories and simple language to help him understand. Repetition will help.

As others say you can do don’t offer and don’t refuse to an extent and distraction, do something else at the times you would usually feed.

For me this usually meant sitting on the sofa less and lying in bed less 😂

Maybe have food a little more often? Have a cup of milk more often?

Following fo try and get some tips!!

“Baby” is now 19m and still feeds to sleep at bedtime and twice overnight. Never during the day. Gets very upset if milk is not forthcoming.

My older two weaned really easily at 14m and I used to wonder why anyone found weaning tricky. But, as follows most smug parenting moments, i am humbled.

Okay, so the after nursery feed is reason we lasted so long. I think they need that connection after time away so start with the others (and I’m so in awe night feeds have stopped, well done uou!) Keep the post nursery feed for now and practise distraction for the others eg have a biscuit or a drink and see how you feel after etc. I know you feel he’ll never stop feeding. He will x

Also watching as in same boat..! Can I ask HOW did you stop the night feed? What is the routine? I’m in awe.

mine is same age, I want to wean but have given up as she loves boob so much and she’s at nursery full time so I feel it’s the least I can give her. The worst thing though is I have NO milk, not a drop, so she’s just gnawing at a very sore boob but seems to get huge comfort from it. She does this to get to sleep, and during weekends / if she’s off nursery just at random times during the day and for her daytime nap

sorry I have no advice to give, just here to watch and try to pick up some tips

Emma Pickett on Instagram has some great posts on weaning older babies and toddlers.

Thank you! I have yes, the problem is that he asks for it a lot! I think what I'm finding so hard is that I don't want to stop completely yet and would like to keep the morning/after nursery feed, but I'm just struggling with his constant demands the rest of the time - I'm not sure if there's a middle ground.

He won't really drink milk - I've tried it warm in his cup but he'll take a few sips then refuse, I'll keep trying though. DH collects him and as soon as he gets home he runs to me and wants a feed right away, and then he wants to pop on and off the rest of the evening until bed.

I have been out for the evening/away for the night quite a few times and he's been fine, it's just when he knows I'm there.

Ah that sounds really tough!

I did some gentle sleep training/cot settling around 5 months, using a course called Sleep Well with Hannah as up until then he only fed to sleep or on the go, and I needed a break! It was basically a gradual withdrawral method where you reduce the amount of support (bum patting) each night until your baby can fall asleep by themselves. I didn't stop feeding to sleep completely - it was too handy in an emergency!

Then I took the same approach to night wakes when he was 12 months - settled him back to sleep with bum pats instead of feeding. By this point he was only waking twice a night so it wasn't too bad, the 4am wake was a hard one to crack though!

The main thing is not to aim for too much sleep though - I soon realised that DS is very low sleep needs - he only needs 11hrs total. Bed time is 8:30 - 9, he wakes around 6:30 - 7 and naps for about an hour.

Thanks, I'll take a look! I would like to try and keep a couple of feeds until he is two, I think I just need to stay firm with distracting him the rest of the time. I know exactly what you mean about the morning feed, when I'm dragged into conciousness at 6am, it's so easy to just to pull him into bed for a feed and get an extra 10 mins, half an hour if I'm lucky...

We did this really gradually and it helped to pick one feed at a time rather than trying to change everything at once. The after-nursery one was the trickiest for us too, so we swapped it for a snack and a drink straight away and then lots of distraction outside or a book together. Keeping the same short phrase helped, something like ‘milk later’ rather than a long explanation, and it did get easier after a few days even though the first couple were hard. You’re doing brilliantly keeping going this long, and it’s okay to keep the feeds you both still enjoy for now.