Guilt around stopping pumping

[TealAnt]

My baby is nearly 7 months old now. We had a tough start with him being premature and initially tube fed. When he came, my milk hadn't come in but when I was in hospital for a week before he came due to sudden severe pre eclampsia, I hand milked colostrum to get him started. We supplemented with a bit of formula to begin with while waiting for my milk to start.
Due to a late diagnosed tounge tie and palate issue, he has never been able to breastfeed which I was initially really sad about but I've got past that by being able to exclusively pump for him until now.
Since August my milk supply has been slowly decreasing and I cant work out why. I have tried all the nutrition, diet and pumping schedule and nothing works.
I feel like I have reached my limit and am feeling so much guilt about possibly wanting to stop. He has started weaning and has some food during the day but still has up to 700ml of milk - which I'm just not keeping up with. Im exhausted - physically from doing all the pumping and mentally/emotionally from the stress of trying to keep up.
I'm not really sure what I'm looking for here to be honest but I'm really struggling to keep going. My partner is supportive of me and whatever choice I make but we would both prefer to keep him on breast milk for as long as possible. My original goal of at least a year now feels entirely impossible.
How do I deal with the guilt of possibly stopping pumping? I have no judgement of formula - we've been using it to supplement my low supply. But I'm just feeling alot of emotions around this right now.

I nearly drove myself to PND by trying to breastfeed exclusively. Awful pressure I put on myself for no good reason, absolutely exhausting and miserable. At 3 months I had a breakdown and fortunately for me a fellow new mum was there to let me cry on her shoulder and understand my experience (she pumped for 8 months and hated it) and being further down the road, give me hope that it’s all okay. My daughter had formula and breast at night until about 9 months when she completely rejected breast. It was still a sad transition. But what everyone, literally everyone, was telling me then was: this is such a small part of your parenting journey, you won’t even think about it as they grow etc etc. I’m here to say this is true 😅 My daughter is 3.5 and thriving. I can’t give a damn about EBF not working out or stopping before her first birthday. All I have is deep compassion for the hormonal, crying, pumping, exhausted me in those months when I should have been recovering, enjoying my precious baby and being grateful for our good health and abundant love.

Let yourself be sad, speak to someone who’ll understand, you will forget about it before you know it - you’ll be too mesmerised from watching your baby grow ❤️

You have done an absolutely incredible thing for your son, you’ve given him all the benefits of breast milk even though it was way way harder for you to provide this than it would have been had he been able to breastfeed directly, plus you have ensured he has had the quantity he needed by topping up. You have literally done everything you physically could to promote his wellbeing and so there is nothing to feel guilty about.

As someone who has done only a tiny bit of pumping, I’m in awe of the effort and love you’ve poured into pumping for 7 months. Your son will have felt that and will continue feeling that love however he is fed going forwards.

I guess you may be having a hormone crash too if your supply is dropping so give yourself plenty of grace.

You have nothing to feel guilty about. I had an extremely premature baby - so premature I had to pump as child couldn’t have formula. I pumped exclusively for 4 months then went into the hospital for my next appointment and told them I was done. I have another child and it was impacting my life and my mental and physical health too much. The consultant said fair enough and told me I’d done the hard bit and given it when it was needed and that baby would be fine. I swapped to formula full time. I have a nearly 2 year old now who is fully discharged from hospital care and who I was told was exceptional in my last appointment. You know what they say about life is what happens when you’re busy making plans! Sometimes things don’t go to plan you need to accept it and move on and enjoy your baby.

The BFing Helplines are just there to support you to continue BFing or pumping @TealAnt. The BFC can help you talk through how you’re feeling and come to a decision, hopefully without guilt. She’ll also be able to help you to come up with a plan that should reduce your risk of Mastitis whilst you decrease the pumping sessions.

Once he’s FF, you’re looking at 450 Floz a day by 10 months.

Does that sound like something reasonable to aim for or would you prefer to stop completely before then? Neither is wrong

I am here to tell you to throw in your towel without guilt! He’s 7 months - that is an absolutely epic effort of pumping time!

The benefits of breastmilk do not outweigh the negatives of your exhaustion right now.

Add in the very real benefits to you of stopping (that I experienced and anecdotally my friends did too) of mood stabilisation, feeling like your body is returning to you (weight loss!), a general spring in your step and less weepiness…to me it’s a no brainer to hold your head up high and pack the pump away now that you’ve reached your limit.

You have done so much and he will be A OKAY on formula now and thrive with a happy, less tired mother.

You’ve done a great job and it’s perfectly reasonable to stop now.

I guarantee that in a year you will barely remember why you gave yourself such a hard time.