Fear of breastfeeding

[Whatnow777]

I haven't met anyone that shares the fear I had/ have. I can't explain it, but I feel extreme dislike for milk coming out of my body, which made it so hard to try breastfeeding - and I did give it a good go. It was not a case of just not liking it, but dreading it and crying / shaking / not being able to look at it. Am I completely alone with this?

D-MER? I had that. I breastfed my kids until they were one in spite of that, but nobody could relate to the intense negative emotions it triggered for me. Anxiety/anger mostly. I had to breastfeed in a darkened bedroom and "breathe" through it to cope, and felt intense anger if anyone disturbed me. I expressed milk (which triggered the same feelings) for my younger child, to be able to
bottle feed in public in peace so our lives weren't disrupted. It was physiological and strange, I could literally feel the dopamine drop, like I wasn't myself for the first minute or so of breastfeeding. I have never felt so relieved to stop anything in my life.
my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24879-dysphoric-milk-ejection-reflex

Do you think you have D-MER ? I have met women through work who have suffered with this x

Also apparently it usually subsides within 3 months, but with me it got worse and worse over time. When my babies were around 1, I couldnt cope anymore. When I stopped breastfeeding, once my body stopped producing milk, I felt utterly elated to finally leave the horrible anxious, agitated and intensely angry moments behind. I'm proud of myself for finding coping strategies that worked enough to stick it out for 12months though. And I sympathize because
it also made me feel quite sick to see my
body producing milk.