Please help me

[Happythoughts123]

I am a first time mum baby 3 days old.
Since birth she has been very sleepy but we have managed to latch pretty well get some semi regular feeds in. She is so clingy and will only sleep when being held which is completely exhausting me. No matter how many times I settle her put her down asleep, she startles herself and gets upset. Last night she was impossible to wake for a feed even with undressing skin to skin etc. Once finally woken She pretty much kept pushing away my nipple getting really upset. It had been 4 hours since her last feed and I was so worried . She just wouldn’t latch. I gave her a small amount of formula to top her up.
I can feel my milk coming in over night boobs are hardening and sore...would this affect the flow and her rejection of me last night? How worried should I be that she is so sleepy? Any tips for when baby rejects nipple? I am desperate.
For info she was 3 weeks early and midwife visited yesterday and seemed happy she wasn’t jaundiced. Thank you.

Hi, it's so, so hard at first. It sounds like you're doing all the right things. Could you contact your midwife again today and explain your worries? Kellymom is a great online resource for breastfeeding and you could also call the breastfeeding helpline. You could try hand expressing a little first to make it easier for baby to latch on. As for settling, have you tried a swaddle? Do you have anyone who could hold baby for an hour or two while you try to sleep? X

Do you have a pump? Or even hand express (there’s tons of videos on YouTube on how to do it) just before a feed so you soften your boobs a bit and it makes latching easier.

kellymom.com/category/bf/concerns/

This website is amazingly helpful for most bf queries. Also, get in touch with La Leche League ( www.laleche.org.uk/ ) who are also a really good resource.

I’m regards to putting baby down, it is hard in the beginning. Things that helped Dd were swaddling tightly in a GroSnug or a cellular blanket, breastfeeding laying down in bed till she fell asleep, Co-sleeping (I know lots of people aren’t keen on this, but if done safely it’s absolutely fine), playing vvv loud white noise which really helped her settle.

Ring your the labour ward/ community midwife ad get the out today. Your baby may have jaundice.

I had a similar issues when DD2 was the same age and I had two midwives at my house by 9.20.

The only wanting to be held asleep is normal.

Please call the midwife to echo PP. Babies are really sleepy at first but should wake enough to feed. Jaundice can come about quite quickly so best to get her checked. They really won't mind you ringing.

This time last week she was still inside you so it's a huge adjustment for her now that she's in the world.
Normal to want to be held. Try to have less expectations of yourself so that holding her becomes a joy and less of a task.
My first son was 5 weeks early had jaundice etc. He did have a few days in special care but he came home before he was 36 weeks old.
He was really really difficult to feed and it affected how I felt about him too, I was so frustrated. I can relate to the whole trying to wake her up thing and feed her. I honestly used to panic so badly about my son not feeding and it would take at least 40 minutes for him to drink like 2 oz
All that you're describing sounds like the normal struggles of a slightly prem baby. Can you get some Hakkas from amazon? They are amazing and won't hurt your boobs, can use them to relieve the engorgement
If you get your husband to feed her one night on and one night off can you sleep in another room so you can rest and that will help you cope better?

I don't mean this harshly, but at that age, any concerns you want midwives not mumsnet.

Loads of goodwill and support on this site but it's women messaging in the gaps between doing other things, they won't necessarily know the right answers or know all about your situation.

Kellymom and professionals should be able to help!

That said, it's normal for a baby to not want to sleep away from you. Fourth trimester - you're basically providing an extension of the womb.

Enforged boobs - hand express into a muslin to relieve pressure and feed as much as you can.

I recommend the book 'food of love' by Kate Evans, it's a comic book style guide to breastfeeding.

Good luck op! Early days are very hard. It'll get easier.

Wow I’m so appreciate of all these comments. I followed your advice and called midwife as soon as they opened. They advised me to take her in to be checked for jaundice which I did and it came back clear thank goodness. They advised me to top her up with expressed milk or formula every two hours and call back again tomorrow if she is still as sleepy.
It’s just mentally so so draining. I’m so surprised at how challenged I feel. I’m hoping for a more settled night now that she should be more full but that may be wishful thinking. Strangely she settles in her Moses basket alone ok during the day but cry’s at night to be held.

Glad to hear she's clear of jaundice, op!

The first bit of motherhood is a total headfuck, there's loads to learn and hormones and everything is different but the same, it's really hard. If she needs a bit of formula it's no reflection on you, just do what you need to do to get through!

How has she been today? How are you today? Xx

How are you doing? Have you had the day 3 to 5 hormone carbs when it feels like everything you are doing us wrong and it’s the end of the world?

Topping up with formula is not good advice unless she is jaundice or does not have good out put (wee, poo and weight). Your body produces milk on demand and if give formula then your body won’t produce as much milk.

I would set an alarm on your phone for 3 hours after the start of each feed to begin feeding again.

Echo all of the above and want to add there’s a brilliant app called huckleberry where you can track sleep/feeding/nappies. Xx

@Pantheon @alwaystiredalwaysgrumpy @cultkid @Lockdownseperation @Wingingthis @DemolitionBarbie @TeddyIsaHe

I just wanted to revisit this thread and thank you all for your advice. You really made a difference to me when I was so fragile. Thank you x

I’m glad. How are things going now?

@Thatwentbadly things are ok. Thank you for asking ❤️ Unfortunately I went on to develop PND but I am now receiving therapy so feeling more myself. My little girl is well and now an enormous 6 month old x

Goodness she has grown. Having a baby it’s such a difficult time and covid has not helped anyone’s mental health. I have two children, 4 yrs and 1 1/2 yrs and I think with both of mine 6 months was the most difficult age. Take care x