how many of your mums are negative about bf?and what sort of comments do they make to you

[robinredbreast]

if so how do u handle them ?

mine is very pro bottles and always makes little digs such as
oh its so gross !!!
put her on bottles!!!
for no reason i might add
your milk is gonna be no good if your feeding her that often!! wtf!!

would "oh for fucks sake mum just shut up, this is how I am feeding dc so just accept it and move on" work?

I just told mine that her myths were wrong. That that was how I chose to feed ( for the first weeks anyway) luckily or unluckily she wasn't around that often to interfere.
Mine fed non stop and I was in tears lots and basically my mother was unsupportive, saying things like shes hungry, shes nt getting enough, put her on the bottle. It was demoralising especially with hormones raging. Just tell her she is not helping. Tell her if she wants to help you ,that she might make your food to keep energy levels up.
Is she close by?

My Mum made comments which were meant to sound supportive but actually undermined my efforts to BF like

You look exhausted, you're not coping, you need a break, put him on formula so you can rest, you'll get mastitis like I did, you'll get an abcess, you'll get PND, you're too tired, why are you so hard on yourself...

And I WAS tired because I had a new baby, so it was very difficult to persevere. But to give her her due, she now says 'You did ever so well to BF for so long'. So, bless her, she means well.

my mother used to make comments about it being obscene that I was still feeding my 18mo old dd. I eventually stopped because of it. I feel very guilty about that as dd1 was not at all ready to stop and loved bfg. I fed dd3 until she wanted to stop.

also when I was having problems bfg she used to try and persuade me to give a bottle. I know she was just concerned because I was finding it tough, but I didn't find that very supportive.

My mum wasn't anti-breastfeeding like your mum is though - it is very difficult - you just have to develop a thick skin and ignore her, it would be very difficult to change her mind at this stage I think.

this is the sort of coment that gets me

your milk is gonna be no good if your feeding her that often!!

shes doesnt have a clue what shes commenting and critasing on

just smile and nod, and then carry on what you're doing regardless. as someone else said, develop thick skin.

so "Your milk isn't going to be any good if you keep feeding her so much," is met with, "Uh huh mum, yeah...ok..." and just carry on doing your own thing.

from what you've said i don't think she'd respond well to "Actually mum, the more i feed, the more i make, and the quality of breastmilk is far superior to formula milk, which at best is an adequate substitute."

I was very lucky in that my mum said right from the start that I was the mother now, and whilst she knew how things were done in her day, she would support me in what I chose to do. Seemingly not an attitude many MNers have benefitted from - I know I am lucky. I am adopted so she knew she couldn't really advise on BF anyway.

Having said that, I know she found it difficult when I was really tired and she just wanted to help. She really loved giving my DS EBM, and later formula. Don't mistake your mum's concern for you as an attack.

Having said that, friends have found their mums very interferring, damaging confidence. Telling her you are the mother now and perfectly capable might be a good start!

comments i got ( frequently) with ds

if only you'd give a bottle i could help feed him

if only you'd give a bottle you'd know how much he was getting

my advice is to develop a thick skin and not really respond. i used to either say nothing, or 'yeah'.

didn't get same comments when i had dd. mum had 'progressed' to,

'you see, i couldn't breastfeed you'

'you see, i never got the chance because i had to get back to work'

it's hard to stand your ground without criticising how you were parented ime.

well the reason i started thread titled

thoses of you who bf 2nd babies how the hell do it manage?

was because my mum said to my sister whos pregnant

i might try a bf like nina with this baby [ my sister has two older children 9 and 5 that where ex ff]
and mum turned around to her and said

i dont think so
youve got two other kids to consider!
you havent got the time to sit around all day!

ja9 sounds lik your mum has been trying to justify herself you you
its such a shame whn all she really should say is well done love your doing a great job

If your bf or ff you still need to actually sit down & feed the baby.... so even if you have got another child to consider it makes no difference to the hours in the day. I bf my DS1 for 9 months & my mum used to make lots of 'oh he can't be hungry again, he thinks his throat has been cut!' type comments but now I have a thicker skin. My DS2 is nearly 8 months old & this time I will continue much longer he is a really quick feeder & we both love it!

yeah good point

actually, ime, having given ds both bf and EBM in a bottle, bf-ing is easier because you once get practised at it, you only need to use one hand. in fact, now ds is bigger, i don't need to use any hands, i just prop him up on my legs and MN away! so really, ff-ing would be more time consuming!!

the regular comment was "he's not putting on enough wait, give him bottles"
The best was..."are you going to do this for evry baby? you breasts will sag" And my mom is no vixen....

mum seems to think my sister wont be able to take the other 2 2 school!! wtf
it would only take 20mins max to go there and back

shes alwas trying to put her down

well not when im around she wont !!!
im glad im not at work etc i can give my sis all the support she wants
i was working fulltime when she had the other 2
as ive only just had my babe

My Mum was quite negative at the beginning, in a "Well you were bottle fed and you're okay" way - I think, to a certain extent, it made her feel defensive of her parenting choices but in her day it was very unfashionable to BF and they didn't know what they knew now (she smoked while in labour with me, they had to keep wheeling the gas and air out ). She also found it difficult because I was struggling at the beginning and very unhappy and she wanted me just to enjoy my new baby.

Once I'd got over the hard bit though she became a firm convert. She couldn't believe how easy it was in comparison but what I think really changed her mind was the enthusiasm that both her Granddaughters have had for BF. She hasn't given me a hard time about still feeding DD2 though I don't know to what extent she really approves - she just says it's nothing to do with anyone else and simply up to me - which is true.

My mum didn't bf me but bf my 3 younger siblings. Nevertheless, she did and said the occasional odd thing. One day when ds1 was feeding all day, she LIFTED MY BOOB UP!!!! and said, "Well, you seem to have plenty." wtf?? Then on ds3 she said, "If you gave him a bottle now, he'd sleep through."
MIL is far worse, though. She says she bf for 6 weeks and then her milk "dried up" Well, yes if you keep them on a four hour routine and top up with formula, it's bound to dry up! But she keeps adding her tuppenceworth even though all her suggestions would be bad for supply.

Well I got "you can't possibly do that in front of your father!".

oh I've had everything said on this thread and more

• only poor people bf (wtf)
• my mother had six and never BF one of us she told us straight on the bottle
• no one in this family has BF
• how are you going to cope when you go out
• your brother is embarrassed with you BFing
• you look pale it's the BFing
• you've lost weight have you been to the doctor yet it's all that BFing
• thats why she doesn't sleep through
• you don't know how much she's getting
• you will never get to 6 months with just your milk you were on solids at 6 weeks
• have THEY told you to put her on bottles yet (haven't a clue who they are)
• best one was announcing in front of a room full of family that my boobs had shrunk because of the BFing (nothing to do with teh stone and a half I had lost)

oh I could be here all day now of course she tells anyone who will listen that I have BF 2 babies to past a year

OH god. My parents were both awful. THey had me in tears when DS was about a week old, banging on about how he had "low blood sugar" and needed feeding "properly". I was dying to feed for about 15 years just to annoy them but sadly he stopped of his own accord at 12 months.

Next time I have a baby I'm definitely going with the "feck off and mind your own" approach.

Well done you for persevering!

sweetkitty, when she tells people you bf 2 children past a year, aren't you tempted to say "No thanks to you!"

Robinredbreast are we long lost sisters? My mum said exactly the same as yours -

"you've got two other kids to consider!
you havent got the time to sit around all day!"

(except in my case I had one other child).

My mum brfd us until we were 2 months and for her time and place that was pretty good going. However she told me many times while I was pg for the first time, that she absolutely hated brfding and couldn't wait to give up. So when I brfd dd until she was 1 y o, mum thought that was a bit much and started making comments like "You've got to stop some time, you know. You can't still be brfding when she's 13"

I don't listen to anything she says now I don't know why she gives me her "advice" she told me I HAD to wait until DD1 was 2 before ttc no2 and was horrified when I got pregnant when she was 9 months she was convinced it was a "mistake" it wasn't. She was also convinced my recent pregnancy was a mistake as it was no 3 but told me no one has a big family these days.

But the jewel in the crown was when I told her I was mc no3 she said "maybe it's for the best 3 would be awful expensive"

relatives eh?

Oh SweetKitty, that's just awful. So on top of feeling dreadful about losing a precious baby, you didn't have support from your mother. So sorry.

oh my god sweet kitty that is truely terrible
do you see her often ?

roseylea yeah we could be long lost sisters
yeah that line got me youve got 2 other kids 2 consider as if bf was selfish