For those that haven't read my other threads over the last week or so quick rundown of events - DS3 (4 1/2 weeks old) breastfed exclusively for just over 3 weeks, then we had problems with him latching on (screamed hysterically for up to 1hr before finally latching on - most probable reason it would seem was he'd had a fright with lots and lots of milk and extremely fast letdown). Because he was hardly latching on at all (and when he was feeding for a short time before falling asleep exhausted) we gave him a few bottles. The latch was then sorted again.
Couple of days ago with decided to mix-feed (2 bottles of formula a day) a happy compromise between going back to JUST breast (which I thought I wanted to do) and switching to bottles (DH's preference).
Up until the yesterday - and mainly today - DH has the only one who's successfully given him a bottle - he rejected them from me. Yesterday posted saying I was thinking of switching over to bottles completely - but wasn't sure about it - as I particularly enjoy the feed(s) he has early morning in bed with us - but finding the days (and particularly evenings where I have 3 DS's to sort on my own while DH is at work) really quite a grind.
Had lots of lovely posts and suggestions on that thread but still haven't really made up my mind.
Today DS3 has been latched on for almost the entire day - from 8am this morning to about 7.30 this evening - with only short breaks for me to cook dinner and bath the boys. I deliberately let him just 'camp out' (when he slept it was with his head resting on my - naked - nork) for the day to try and keep my milk supply up.
However he still wasn't really settled and wouldn't let me put him down - so I got a bottle of the formula out of the fridge and gave it to him - despite having been latched on just before he drained 4oz - and then another 2oz of previously ebm. He's now fast asleep in his carrycot downstairs - something he's not done for me since the day after he was born! (He's been settling into his cot at night for DH without any problems - but when I feed him he hardly sleeps at all if I put him down - but sleeps well in my arms).
Before he went to sleep he was just gazing up at me looking REALLY contented - more than he's ever done after a breastfeed (even before the bottles came into play) and suddenly I thought that perhaps I do want to switch to bottles.
I FF DS2 and had lots of lovely long cuddles on the sofa with him while feeding him - so I'd still get that (which is what I really enjoy about the breastfeeding) and tbh thinking back to DS2 I didn't really find bottlefeeding any more of a hassle than breastfeeding - so I don't have that conundrum to deal with.
It's just I feel a bit guilty about actually wanting to switch to FF when breast is the far better option for so many reasons (and it's not like we're having any difficulty with him latching on, or sore nipples etc etc so don't even have that 'excuse' to fall back on). If I switch I'm doing it because it suits "me" better - which makes me feel rather selfish . But at the same time the only bit of breastfeeding I'm enjoying this time round is the cuddling up next to each other....which can be done when bottlefeeding.
ahhhhhhhhh I don't know what to do.