DH wants me to give up bf

dinosaur · 02/06/2004 17:42

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006 · 02/06/2004 17:45

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suzywong · 02/06/2004 18:01

You are doing a sterling job Yorkiegirl
Have to say if that was m y DH I would show him the back of my hand and tell him to P off, but it sounds like Dinosuar is right, he's just jealous.
Do you have the energy to give him more attention? If you and baby are happy then that should make him happy too.
HTH

frogs · 02/06/2004 18:02

Could you outline to him the following scenario:

Baby cries at 3 am. Do you

(a) lie in bed while your wife plugs the baby onto boob for a quick snuggly feed in the dark, after which you all doze off again;

(b) get up, turn the lights on, go down to kitchen, faff around for 10 minutes getting a bottle to the right temperature while the baby works itself up to a fever pitch, spend 20 mins trying to get now hysterical baby to drink its bottle, put baby back to bed, spend an hour trying to go back to sleep now you've all had to wake up properly.

I think 'no-brainer' is the phrase we're looking for here.

Clayhead · 02/06/2004 18:18

Yorkiegirl, how sad! I would be gutted if my dh felt like that.

If you and dd are happy why would you want to change? Maybe Dinosaur is right? I agree with suzywong - happy mummy + happy baby should = happy daddy!!

Good luck!!

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Yorkiegirl · 02/06/2004 18:24

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eddm · 02/06/2004 18:25

My dh admitted he was a bit jealous of me for breastfeeding ds so I wonder if that's the case with your dh too? Dh was also very supportive when I was struggling with b/f but I think he would have preferred mixed feeding. As it was, we did give one bottle of formula a day from about 10 weeks, just so we could split the night feeds (I never got the hang of expressing). Dh really, really enjoyed bottle feeding ds. But I know other mothers who have found mixed feeding caused huge problems with milk supply or babies' latch and meant they had to stop breastfeeding. I can sympathise to an extent with men who are jealous of the closeness you get from feeding a baby. But the baby is more important than dh's feelings and breastfeeding was very important for us as there are serious allergies in the family.
Breastfeeding has myriad health benefits for mothers and babies ? from reducing the risk of allergies and heart disease in baby to cutting the mother's risk of some forms of cancer. Maybe point your dh to the NCT or NHS Direct websites which I think give a long list of the advantages. Basically I think your dh has to remember he's a grown up who has the ability to deal with his own emotions. The baby's health and wellbeing has to come first.

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Yorkiegirl · 02/06/2004 18:34

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Piffleoffagus · 02/06/2004 18:49

are they his breasts? Sorry am in anarchic mood after too much big brother
can you tell him to piss off nicely?
Or in fact, what you have told us, how much you love it now, the potential benefits for baby and for you now...

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Yorkiegirl · 02/06/2004 18:53

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shrub · 02/06/2004 19:22

do you think his mother could have anything to do with his feelings or his friends - sometimes other peoples opinions can have a real hold on this subject especially when they can't see how much the baby is getting. he might feel differently next week or it may reinforce the idea that your breasts belong to him. men can be so strange sometimes...

AussieSim · 02/06/2004 19:26

Has he explained any reasons at all why he is against it? Was he breastfed?

My DH eventually put a bit of pressure on - though not much, but not till I had bf past 12mths - mainly because I made my boobs completely off limits to him while bfing - just felt wrong to me.

I think your DH should come clean with exactly what bothers him about you breastfeeding your baby.

aloha · 02/06/2004 19:28

Talk to him, talk to him, talk to him. You must get to the bottom of this and find out why he feels like this (while at the same time making him realise it is really non-negotiable). YOu have to say, I love doing this, it will protect our baby from future obesity, heart disease and diabetes and cancer, it will make her healthier for the whole of the rest of her life. It is natural and it WILL get easier and less frequent. I love you. NOW what's your problem??

You can resolve this, but you mustn't cave in. He's being odd, for some reason. Hopefully, when you find out (from him) why that is, you can help him fix it. Good luck!

aloha · 02/06/2004 19:28

BTW DEEPLY envious of the sleeping pattern

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Yorkiegirl · 02/06/2004 19:47

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suzywong · 02/06/2004 19:51

Yorkiegirl
Put him on, go on, we'll have a word with him.
You sound like you are in a very happy state and coping brilliantly with your young family, good for you.
You know you will find all the support you need here.

(isn't it bliss when you can settle back for a long BF and leave the older one with the potty and the VCR/Lamaze educational toys in the other room for 20 minutes?)

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Yorkiegirl · 02/06/2004 19:59

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suzywong · 02/06/2004 20:01

You go girl

Piffleoffagus · 02/06/2004 20:03

ask him to respect your decision and the reasons that youa re doing it, that it helps you feel better, aids the depression and has numerous other benefits, also tell him that it hurts you when he talks it down and that you would really appreciate the stopping of aside comments...

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Yorkiegirl · 02/06/2004 20:03

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frogs · 02/06/2004 20:25

Sounds like you're doing brilliantly, Yorkiegirl!!

Lots of people of our mothers' generation bottlefed in the sixties and seventies because of the unsupportive atmosphere at the time. You'd think they'd be pleased that more of today's mothers are bfeeding, but actually they can have real problems with it, as it threatens the way they did things.

If your dh has been brought up by his mum to think that bottlefeeding is the 'normal' way to feed babies, then you doing it differently may make him feel uncomfortable. But you say you were bottlefed, so you've got over that factor for yourself; hopefully you can help him see that you're doing what you know is best for your baby.

You sound really sorted, Yorkiegirl, I'm sure you can get him round to your way of thinking!

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Yorkiegirl · 02/06/2004 21:05

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hercules · 02/06/2004 21:11

Hi - I've just gone back full time and dd is nearly 8 months old. Tried her on expressed milk at various stages but she wouldnt take it. I waited until a week before going back and spendt my time enjoying her rather than stressing about the botle thing.
She takes playtex teats (odd shaped) fine or uses a beaker with the breastmilk.
I had no milk in the freezer as back up and simply express the day before for the next day.
I now express once at work during my lunch break for about 15 minutes and get about 4 oz. I express as soon as I come home without washing the pump and get another 4.
I carry the milk in a special freezer bag thingy with those blocks you put in the freezer - just looks like I'm carrying sandwiches in my cool bag.

She hasnt needed anymore and I feed her once I get home and during the night. She doesnt tend to feed in the morning.

I do have a couple of cartons of formula as back up but havent needed them.

At the weekend and holidays I feed her as and when.

I like doing it because I want to be able to feed her as we please when I'm off so need to keep my supply going well during the day and also so I feel I'm doing something for her and not depriving her of anything she would get if I wasnt working.

hth
If you want to ask questions feel free!

AussieSim · 02/06/2004 21:13

Good on you YG for sticking to your guns. BTW I don't think that your DH has come to terms with his feelings about breastfeeding. Do you think he might be concerned that it will deter you from going back to work and he feels bad that you have to go back so soon and that needing you to go back to work so that you guys can pay the bills makes him feel a bit emasculated - not being able to win the bread on his own? I don't know your situation or you DH obviously so all conjecture.

Also at 7 or 8 mths I had given up the lunchtime feel but still gave a mid afternoon feed as well as breakfast and bedtime, but there shouldn't be any reason why you couldn't give two bfeeds and to bottle feeds a day if you want to continue that way, it might depend on how your body adapts to it but I am no expert. Good Luck!

aloha · 02/06/2004 21:19

IME tiredness had nothing to do with breastfeeding - only lack of sleep. Once ds started sleeping I was fine and still breastfeeding. I don't think it makes you tired even more than making your blood makes you tired. Anyway, that's not really the issue. he will have to get over it and will see your baby thriving. I can barely remember all that time ago (two years!) but I fed when it was wanted so that would probably be at least three times a day at that age - maybe more. A morning feed, a night feed and an afternoon feed (plus when he woke at night until eight months). You'll be fine