What should I do if DD1 is jealous of DD2 breastfeeding?

[DollyPopsOut]

Hello

I am 30 weeks pregnant with DD2 and fed DD1 until she was 18 months. She will be 23 months when DD2 is born and self weaned, although I was thrilled at this as I found early pg hard going.

I am now worrying a bit about what will happen when I BF DD2. DD1 points at my boobs and says "mummy - milk" and I have drilled it into her that it's milk for babies and she is a big girl with her beaker cup etc. (I realised tandem feeding wasn't for me so needed an excuse to stop - I would have been happy to feed for longer had I not been pg). She still has milk in a bottle pre nap BTW.

However, last week a friend of mine BF her daughter (aged 2) and DD1 went beserk, pulling at my top and saying "mummy - milk -(name)". I said friend's dd only has milk as she has allergies and DD has big girl cup etc but she was very upset. I am now worried that she will be jealous of the baby feeding as well as just her arrival.

Does anyone have any advice? I would be happy to let her have a try if that would put her off, but I don't want her to get the taste back and end up feeding the pair of them!

Many thanks.

bumping for you

My friend let her older dd feed, she was very jealous. But the marriage had just broken down and her dd was insecure. I think the daddy has a really important role with the bigger child when little one comes along.

As your dd self weaned, she was ready to do without so if you didn't reject her she would probably lose interest again. If you distract her with cuddles and stories she'll probably be ok.

The little baby demands a different kind of attention. My dd was 22 mnths when ds2 came along, I had stopped bf at 10 mnths and it wasn't an issue for us. Her dad made a huge fuss of her while I was busy and she soon realised that I still love her as always and she became possessive of her baby brother.

She did stop sleeping through and tried to wake as much as the baby, it took her 3 months to gradually settle down again.

keep drumming into her that the baby will feed from your breasts and letting her examine them and talk to you about it.

dd was a little younger (18 months) but i'm convinced this was a key factor in her not being jealous. even before the baby came along she was holding her teddy up to my boobs in bed every morning smiling and saying 'bear milk mama' and chattering to me about it... i just kept on talking about the baby and letting her talk to and touch my bump and showing her babies on tv and in shops etc in the hope of getting her used to the idea, with lots of
'xxxx drinks milk from her cup now doesn't she?',
'the baby is going to need lots of milk and will be feeding a lot',
'the baby is only going to be small and won't have anything to eat besides mama's milk, isn't xxxx lucky to be able to eat yummy things like banana's'.
i think repetition is the key.

also i never pushed her away when she came up to me after ds was born and let her sniff my boob and give it a lick... she never actually latched on and lost interest very quickly but i made sure never to let on that i didn't really want her feeding.

make sure to give her tones of attention from the second you walk in the door, instead of 'look at you little brother isn't he lovely' say 'xxx, you're such a good big sister giving xxx a kiss, he's very lucky to have you' ... you get the point.... make it special for her so that she doesn't feel the need to get upset or jealous.

we expected massive jealousy from dd as she was a spoiled only child before but she's surprised and amazed us from day one at how well she's taken to him and breastfeeding especially has never caused any problems

hope everything goes well

Thanks for all your help girls. I am trying to get her used to the idea but it's a slow process! I'll keep you posted.

Thanks again