Suddenly sore latch in tandem feeding 2.10 y.o.

[AngelDog]

It hurts - especially after a minute or two into the feed. When I stop DS1 feeding there are tooth marks on my areola.

I make him say 'aaah' and re-latch but it doesn't help much.

It's worse on the left breast, where DS2 (2 weeks) finds it difficult to latch well, but the toothmarks make me think it's more than the slight damage/irritation caused by latching/removing DS2 several times over at the start of each feed.

I need to sort it as feeding DS1 is doing my head in - I'm hating the way he 'fondles' me, the way feeding feels and this discomfort too. He clearly needs to carry on feeding for the time being at least, given he's been fraught, exhausted and non-sleeping, non-eating he's been since DS2 arrived.

I don't think this is what you want to hear, but I would try feeding DS1 less often with a view to stopping as soon as possible. If you're no longer enjoying it, then really he's big enough. It's obviously a very difficult time to do so, as he will be jealous of DS2, but there are other activities you can do with DS1 to make him feel special (reading an extra story, playing a particular game?). Perhaps you could emphasise that DS2 is too small for these things, and encourage him to choose from a list of doable activities what special thing he would like each day. Maybe there are less important feeds you can cut out first and bribe him with chocolate milk or similar.

I fed my DS2 till just after his second birthday, and then decided to stop. It was already just down to nap time and bed time, so I got it down further be making sure he fell asleep in the car or buggy at nap times for a few days, till he got used to one feed a day. Then I got my DH to put him to bed every other day, and just gradually tailed it off. It will be much harder with a new baby, but you need to do something positive if you're struggling. Good luck!!

Angel, sorry you are having a tough time. It's common for toddlers and pre-schoolers to go through a lazy latch phase. Kind of like a newborn, you have to keep showing them and reminding them how to do it. If you've got any engorgement then that might be making DS1's latch a bit shallow, you could try some reverse pressure softening to see if that helps any.

It's still early days tandem feeding and it can take a while for everyone to adjust to their new roles, so trying a few different things until you find what helps might make things better. You seem really in tune with your DS1's needs and you're right that this is a really tough period for him. If you can get any one to one time with him at all (I know it's tough!) then that might help.

Thanks.

Yes, we're really noticing that things are changing lots at the moment. Today was a much better day - latch was okay until bedtime feed. And I didn't mind feeding him today.

I know it's normal to feel a bit eurgh about the older child in a tandem situation. I think feeding him more often is definitely helping though. We have been having sleepless nights, food refusal & extreme fussy eating and multiple meltdowns / tantrums (this from a boy who rarely gets himself into a state). I've been letting him feed more often, and for longer, and today we didn't have a single extreme screaming fit, and had 3 meals without a strop happening - which is a first since DS2 was born. (In fact, even 1 meal without a strop is a first, I think!)

DS1 is a funny thing; he doesn't like DS2 to be left on his own (or even with DH sometimes) - he wants the person cuddling him to be cuddling DS2 as well.

Incidentally, he was diagnosed with an unusually high palate today (he's had some SALT issues) which I believe causes latch issues in babies, but I don't know whether it would affect his latch by this stage.

I'd be reluctant to wean him as (a) I think he still needs it and (b) I have no idea how he'd get to sleep otherwise. He can (could) go to sleep fine without bf - but not when overtired, and he's overtired all the time since he dropped his nap a month or two ago.

Has he got a lip tie? Often nurslings with lip ties will leave indentation marks on the nipple (mine did).

I commented on your other thread too about posterior tongue tie, and apparently if there's a lip tie, there's a really high chance of there also being a posterior tie.

And urgh to the older nursling thing. I remember it well. DS1 was normally a fairly chilled lad, but he went crazy behaviour wise when ds2 was born. I gave him unrestricted access for about three weeks (IIRC) but had to restrict him after that because I couldn't stand it. And he didn't like it one little bit. I don't remember what happened in the end. I think I found that letting him nurse was the lesser of two evils!!

Good luck

Yes, I've suspected a lip tie for a while (though again, no diagnosis). I've not noticed indentations previously, though I'd not really had reason to look. That's useful, though - more clues to fuel my TT paranoia.

Going crazy behaviour wise would be a good description of poor DS1. It must be a big adjustment - not only the new baby, but all the HCPs, visitors and (for him) boring trips out to bf groups instead of having fun playing at home. Hopefully things are starting to settle down - he seems to be going back to sleep more easily when he's up in the night, which is a relief. I would prefer DH to be spending his time helping with housework than dealing with DS1 being up at night.

It's a good job that (so far) DS2 is a very chilled little thing.

I suggest that it might be an idea for you to get your ds2 checked for tt as well.

My ds2 is tied too. He has a lip tie (type 4, there's a gap between his teeth) and a tongue tie, but nowhere near as bad as ds1. He fed beautifully from the off, but I am now wondering about his speech and his gut isn't right. Would have been far easier to have had him checked at birth and dealt with then, but of course now he's older, it's more difficult.

Also, if you are getting ds1's tongue done, it is advisable to get the lip done too, but there is hardly anybody in the UK who will do a lip. Part of ds1's dental problems are related to his lip tie which we got done at the same time as his tongue in Huddersfield.

Yes, I'm off to see the IBCLC specialist about DS2 on Friday. I was determined to get it looked at ASAP this time (I didn't know about TT till DS was much older).

DS2's latch isn't fantastic on one side - when he does open his mouth wide enough it feels okay but he often doesn't. The BfC I've seen so far couldn't make any particularly helpful suggestions, other than what I'd already tried.

How does anyone manage to leave the house? Getting up & bf'ing takes an hour. Then I bathe & dress DS, wipe round the bathroom, heat up the porridge and bung some washing in the machine. Then another 45 mins of bf. Then finally eat cold porridge, by which time I'm about ready for a nap rather than trying to get washed and dressed.

Most of the feeding time is DS1.

And if DS doesn't stop the night waking and needing milk soon, either DH or I will go mental. The poor boy's bags under the eyes are about down to his chin...