What a kick in the teeth...could do with some encouragement..

[funnylittlekaty]

2 weeks ago I was advised by hv to stop expressing 5 x daily and go back to breastfeeding with top ups when necessary. I did, and by this week have only been topping up at 6 and 10.30 in the evening. Anyroadup, had the little one weighed today and he's only put on 110g in 2 weeks. Am gutted. Demoralised and fed up. Have been trying so hard to breastfeed and it's not helping my gorgeous boy. Feel like jacking it all in and cracking open the aptamil but I know I'll be devastated with myself if I do. Huff, sigh, stomp etc etc. Any help or advice gratefully received.

My impression is that if the baby's happy and gaining weight it's not too important or crucial exactly how much and when they gain the weight! They are all different. If you're happy breastfeeding and the baby's happy, then that's great, and you can be sure that it IS helping your little one. And please don't be devastated with yourself if you decide to go the formula route, lots of people do for one reason or another!

He is gaining wt.

Ditch the charts/scales and look at your baby - if he is well, content, developing just feed, feed, feed at every opportunity, particularly at night.

I cannot stay just now, but don't stop BFing unless you want to.

Keep going with it!

BF babies' weight is quite prone to fluctuation anyway. And he is gaining.

So long as your baby is happy and needing several nappy changes each day then it's all good.

Thanks for the support. I've decided to keep going for a fortnight and see after that. He generally is a happy chap, and the hv said he looked really well and a good size. Sods law though he's been really crotchety this afternoon and now I'm not sure how heavy his nappies feel when I change them? Think I'm just doubting myself. He gets very distracted when feeding, so getting him to stay on for a good amount of time is a struggle. Oof

How old is he and how often is he feeding?

agree, give him another couple of weeks

i'd also strongly advise seeing a breaastfeeding counsellor (a real live qualified one as opposed to the "advisors" you see round about)

how old is he?
and how often are you feeding?

He's 18 weeks on weds. I demand feed and it our day roughly looks like this
5-6am-wake up feed in our bed then doze til 7.30 ish
8-9 feed
11-12 feed
2.30-3.30 feed
5.30 bath
6.00 feed then daddy does 100ml formula bottle then bed til
10.30 when he has 100ish ebm and 80 ish formula.
Then he'll sleep til 5-6am.
His daytime naps are terrible. Maybe an hour in the morning but after that it's generally 20mins here and there, usually mid feed or in the pushchair.

Ps am off to nct bfeeding counsellor run group tomorrow morning x

So is that only 6 feeds a day? That seems quite few for a 4 month old - I'd feed at least 2 hourly in the day, and offer as many sides as he'll take.

If you offer feeds at 5, 8 10, 12, 2, 4, 6 and 10.30 you'd be able to squeeze in 8 and still have that long stretch at night.

Thanks Rita, I'll try anything so will def give it a go.

Just wanted to add, don't assume the lack of weight gain is because your ds is bf. My dd has been ff since she was 4 wo and still doesn't gain weight consistently, before last week she had only put on a few ounces in a fortnight and now has suddenly gained 6 ounces in a week. The hv told me the same as other people have said here, that as long as the baby is happy and lively it is okay.

Went to bfc group this morn, they were really lovely and said that it's not too bad weight wise and not uncommon at this age when they're busy beaking round at everything and not concentrating on the job in hand. He fed there for about 10 mins in total with lots of fannying about and looking around. Am going to go back in a fortnight and see then. Please put on weight baby....I want to feed you myself such a lot.

Glad you are getting real life support, katy.

If there is an issue with your baby's weight (and there's not enough info to say), then the easiest thing to tackle this is to get more calories into him, but of course they can be breastmilk calories! I agree he is not feeding all that often , so there is lots of scope for extra breastfeeding with two, three four or more breasts each time. No need to worry about the length of time he is on each session though - if he wriggles and fusses, switch sides, and if he keeps wriggling and fussing, just stop and try later.

Most babies of this age feed quite a bit more than he is doing, and they may well feed two or three times in the night, too - but having said that your little boy may be feeding as often as he needs to, because babies do have individual needs :)

So here's an update. Took the wee one to be weighed today as he's been a bit unsettled and I wanted to check it wasn't hunger. He's put on 110g in 9 days. Shit. Even that's debatable as the scales initially said 6.7 ( he was 6.64 last time) and my face fell. Then it went to 7.5 and back to 7.0. The weighing lady recorded 7.5kg.
He's still within his centile (between 25th and 50th) but if he was 7, which I think he was, it would have dropped on to 25th line. I just can't seem to get milk into him. I feed him ALL the time, often hourly if we're in, but he won't stay latched on for more than a minute or two if we are sitting up. It's better when we lie down but then after five or so minutes he falls asleep. I have made such a mess of breastfeeding, I wonder if im being selfish carrying when it makes me neurotic and little bear isnt gaining weight. I can't talk to anyone about it anymore I'm so boring about it and I know everyone will say to go on to bottles full time but I feel like bursting into tears when I think of stopping at 19 weeks.
Any advice, support or a sense of perspective very gratefully received. Xx

Whoops. Meant weighing lady recorded 6.75kg. I think it was 6.7kg. Her weight gain 110g mine 40g.

katy, sorry you feel so low :(

I still don't see a massive issue with his weight and growth. Or any issue, to be honest. No one can 'diagnose' on an internet talkboard, and all we have are your figures and description, but a baby who is on the 25th centile from the 50th and continuing to gain weight is doing just fine - babies really do stop gaining weight at the same rate after the first 8-10 weeks. You can check this by looking at the line on your baby's chart....look how the curve starts to become a little less steep.

A 220 g weight gain in 3 weeks is not terrible at all; even on your figures, a 170 g weight gain is not terrible! They're within normal for a baby of this age.

Weight is not a precise science anyway - look at the trouble getting an accurate reading you have had today !

Would it help to talk in real life about your confidence and your feelings of disappointment and nervousness about the whole bf thing? You must have had a tricky start to have ended up expressing so much for all those weeks, but you must also be a motivated and determined fighter, too :) Ring any of the helplines and talk about it.

Just wanting to add my support, too. Sounds like you're really stressed but hopefully Tiktok will have reassured you somewhat on the technical side.

Personally I think you sound like you're doing an amazing job.

Thank you tiktok you are very kind. I'm going to have a chat with dh when he gets home and decide what to do. I've got it into my head that he should be gaining at least 175g a week but maybe that's for newborns? He's grumpy now but keeps pulling his head away from the boob and crying. I just want what's best for him. There should be a pathetic, teary and grateful emoticon! X

X post. Thanks occ. I'm so relieved I've got someone to squitter on to about this. I think if I say breastfeeding to my family and friends again they'll shoot me! Xx

Oh you poor thing. I do remember how it feels.

Does your cinema do Watch with Baby screenings. Bit of a random suggestion I know, but might cheer you up and I found it great for having a really good long feed. Or just stay in bed with DS and Radio 3 for a day.

At least 175g a week?

That is about right for newborns - having said that plenty of healthy newborns gain weight faster or slower than that without there being any worries about their health or development at all.

Babies' weight naturally slows as they get older - in any case it's within normal for a healthy baby to stay on 'his' line or to drop/climb through two centile spaces and many do just that. Yours has dropped through one space.

No big deal.

Weight is only one part of any health assessment anyway. It's useful, because we can measure it, but it's not the sole factor.

From what you say here, there is no problem with your baby's weight and growth. He is growing normally and age-appropriately :)

What did the HV say?

I do go to the big scream at the cinema. He loves it! I just have to make sure I get plenty of room, last time we went he was so squirmy that he nearly kicked a newborn in the head!
The hv said that she wasn't concerned, that he seemed active, alert and happy. I know I should worry less. He's just really cried when I tried to feed him again but is now lying having a right nice kick on the mat whilst watching Gilmore girls! He's hardly fed since 11.30 though, maybe 10 mins tops. Sigh.

Trying to feed him when he doesn't want it, and wants to do something else, is gonna make him cross and frustrated, katy, and he has no way of telling you 'stop!' without squirming/crying/fussing......:)

Short feeds are normal in babies of this age - honest!

Try to go with the flow, and follow his lead and let him 'tell' you what he wants :)