4 month sleep regression hell: Support thread

[blackcurrants]

DS is 18 weeks and has never been a good sleeper (waking every 2-3 hours in the night) - but he used to go back to sleep immediately after I offered him a boob. I then either fell asleep next to him (got bed set up for safe co-sleeping) or waited five minutes and eased him into the co-sleeper next to the bed.

This has all changed: over the last two weeks he wakes every hour, feeds for AGES, sometimes won't go back to sleep, has also been teething since last week (poor lad) and generally totally exhausting.

I'm at the end of my rope. For the first time since he was born I've felt "I can't do this" - not sure what 'this' is exactly - breastfeeding, raising a child, both? I work three days a week but have cut back any other commitments at the moment so I can nap at every possible chance -on the days when I'm home I lie down every time DS does - but I'm still bloody knackered, and a wreck.

I've been searching my soul: did I respond too quickly to his cries when he was a newborn? Have I 'trained him' to wake up this often? Is it time he was in his own room? Is it time I was in my own room, in another (warmer) country, after a name change? I'm definitely a bad mother for all this breastfeeding co-sleeping nonsense, after all, because friends who 'let their baby cry a bit' MONTHS ago have had 6-7 hours each ever since....
(yes, a friend let her baby CIO at 3 months old. Yes, she's still my friend. Yes, it upsets me that she did that, but no, her daughter's not suffering - indeed, they're all insufferably perky and happy and well-rested looking)....

Anyway, I don't want to stop being a breastfeedy, co-sleepy, respond-to-crying baby-y weirdo - and DH is right there with me - but I DO need to remind myself, now and then, that this is the 4 month sleep regression and not 'my chickens coming home to roost' or 'the rod for my own back'... it's a developmental stage, not my failures as a new mum.

I feel lots better for writing all that, actually! [cgrin]

I know there are other people going through the same lack-of-sleep torment as me - come and have a vent. You'll feel better. We can commiserate and share notes!

Things are a bit better!!! She's still starving hungry all the time but we've had 2 nights without her waking for good at 5 am. She's woken but gone to sleep again afeter a feed. So 7pm til 7am in bed, waking every 3hrs or so to feed. She's got back into proper daytime sleeps too, so maybe the two are connected,if so it means I can never go out to lunch ever again as she sleps 12 til 2. She's getting carrots tomorrow, she's 24 weeks old and my other 2 started at 24w. So carrots, butternut squash and baby rice for 2 weeks, then if she's worked out how to swallow,proper dinners.
TSC what gets him to sleep? Rocking?Pram?Dark?White noise? My dc1 had a very narrow sleep slot in between being a bit tired and going totally manic.Wild activity was an indication of being overtired. The problem was once he was overtired he was unable to sleep.

TSC - like you after Xmas we are going for it too. Keep me posted how you go as we will probably do cc too. He will be pretty much 6m then and like you the whole health and well being of the family needs to be OK so don't feel too bad about it - at the moment anyway.

In the long run helping your child to sleep well and to settle themselves is a good thing - that's what I am telling myself.

Interesting that the dietican says 21-24 weeks when the health visitors round here say 26 weeks and not before!!! Anyway starting soon, especially as I am beginning to think my baby needs a bit more bulk in his diet.

Hmmmmmmmm interesting re BLW. I have been reading the book and was convinced by their arguments, that you let baby take the lead by eating what they fancy off your plate more or less. And that is how it was done in the past before we started feeding them mush. I think the argument is that we used to wean too early so had to give mush as there was no way the baby was developmentally ready to eat food like adults eat it. Anyway it was convincing but can see what she's saying about use of spoons. I think the main thing is to go when baby is ready and they can have a mix of purees and finger foods. I think as she suggests, where there is bottle refusal there is little choice but to start on solids if you want someone else to be able to feed them.

Anyway YES - lets do a post Christmas baby bootcamp. Starting Jan 2nd or earlier? Until then will have to suffer.

You starting weaning at the same time as doing the cc or starting one off before the other?

Good idea. Unfortunately we are short of space and DS won't have his own room which is an added complication. Will have to share with DD but until he sleeps through that's a no no so I can see he will end up having the luxury of our nice big bedroom to sleep in while me and DH sleep on the sofabed while we are doing the 'sleep training'!!! There is no way I can do it if we are in the same room as him.

I am starting weaning just after xmas too.

Can I join the boot camp too? We have just started weaning as she is very refluxy so dietitian recommended early weaning. We will be back from my parents on 6th Jan and she has to be self soothing and going to bed at a decent time by the 14th Feb as thats when i go back to work and she starts nursery.

There's a section in the "No Cry Sleep Solution" about transitioning your baby into his own bed/crib/room.
We're also going for starting the night in own room after Christmas. I'm visiting the UK and so we'll have a jetlagged baby in mid-jan, and his room finally set up - so he's going to start the night there, and we'll see how long he can do in there per night, before we bring him in with us. I can't do CC - live in a flat where you hear EVERYONE else all the time, so not practical. Plus am smooshy marshmallow mother who can't bear to hear her baby cry so it wouldn't work for me. BUT am excited about going to be with DH and being able to chat/undress in the light, rather than creep around trying not to wake up DS.

Last couple of nights (after a good week! Argh!) he's been waking 10 minutes after going to sleep, and basically not sleeping unless he was touching me. Urgh, am not a cuddly sleeper and am developing serious neck-cricks. Hope that it's something easily solveable, like he's cold - rather than some new development, like he's becoming clingy. Fingers crossed he's over it, whatever it is. He napped like a champion today, 45mins to 1 hour, always after about 2 hours awake. It's a bit limiting as to what I can get done outside the house, but at least it's a pattern to get started with.

Ha ha blackcurrant- I too am looking forward to dd being in her own room so we can regain use of our bedroom! My poor dh is sometimes home after she has gone to bed and unless I remember to put his jeans out he is in his suit for the evening as he can't get in to change his clothes in case she wakes up! She won't be moved till feb though, not so long now.

I've just bought the no cry sleep solution and am going to try working on it in earnest after Christmas. We have actually had a much much better week, am hoping we are out of this phase as she is now 17 weeks but would be almost 19 weeks by her due date. Let me know how you get on and maybe we can share tips! I've realised that she isn't normally such a bad sleeper, although she could be better, but I want to get her napping for longer in the day and I want to stop always feeding her to sleep. I know she can go to sleep without boob, it's partly just me being too lazy to do other things coz its easier, but if I want to be able to leave her at night confidently it's gotta change....

5 am poo-fest again today.

IMHO you can't do cc with any confidence if you are not totally sure your LO is not hungry, so with dc2(who was a night time crier) I got her eating 3 good meals a day with proper protein in lunch and tea all ready to start refusing night feeds. But she stopped waking in the night of her own accord almost at the same time as we introduced protein to the 3rd meal. I'm not doing BLW or mushweaning, I'm taking the middle path, I'll mash up some of it and dc3 can try to bung the rest of it in her mouth. So steamed carrots with steamed mashed carrots for lunch.

Well, I thought DS was getting a bit better the last few nights (only up to feed once or twice)

But last night he broke all his own records

Down at 10, up at 10.30, 12.10, 1.30, 4, 5 and 6

Feel like a character in Night Of The Living Dead or something (Look like one too)

Right - am starting a couple of teaspoons of baby rice for tea, next week ( I know it's the middle of xmas but it shouldn't be inconvenient) then week after move onto a mix of purees and steamed stuff as described by Loo- the middle path if you like. Thats if he gets on OK with the baby rice.

Once he's on 3 meals, I know he shouldn't be hungry and am starting the cc so will look out for all that are doing it. Shall we start a new thread on jan 1st/2nd with the new years resolution to get some more sleep!!!!

Dc3 had about 0.125 tsp of carrot mash yesterday and then looked at a bit of rice cake for a while. Today she had about 0.25 tsp and really went for it with the ricecake. I think I'm off to see if there's anything going on on the weaning threads.

Good luck with the solids and cc - DS is only 17 weeks or I would join you.

Things are getting a bit better here: I'm still up several times a night but the gaps between feeds are getting longer, and this morning he didn't get up for the day till 7.30! I felt together enough to get some work done for the first time in weeks. And he went to bed at 7.30 this evening and is still there and hasn't stirred. Maybe we're coming through this regression business. (Now, of course, we'll have the night from hell.)

I think DS is definately reverse cycling - I need to look into this more. He feeds every 2 hours on the dot from 7pm but today fed at 8am, 9,30 and a little bit at 12.30 and now he's asleep. If he had that approach at night I would be happy!

TSC - does DS not even fall asleep in the early evening so that you could then move him into his cot?

Things are definitely on the up here (DS will be 22 weeks on Sunday). Last night he slept for 6 hours straight for the first time in months! and previous to that we've been regularly getting 4/5 hours at a time.

My mum has convinced me to offer him the odd bit of veg at Christmas - so it'll be 3 weeks early. I do want to at least give BLW a go so I figure if he's not ready he won't eat it.

Another terrible night here. I'm so wishing I hadn't breastfed, or at least that we'd mixed fed from the start so that we didn't have this complete failure to take a bottle - DH came to take DS after his feed at 6.30 this morning in the hope that I could get some more sleep, but he was back clamouring for more food at 7.45 (after being up every two hours all night). It's really damaging my relationship with DS: if I could just get one unbroken night things might not feel so awful, but at the moment I'm just not seeing any of his good points.

I'm supposed to be going out with three old friends on Wednesday evening, and I'm wondering whether to just cancel now rather than have to cancel on the night because DS is perpetually starving. So fed up - it would have been my first evening out since DS was born.