4 month sleep regression hell: Support thread

[blackcurrants]

DS is 18 weeks and has never been a good sleeper (waking every 2-3 hours in the night) - but he used to go back to sleep immediately after I offered him a boob. I then either fell asleep next to him (got bed set up for safe co-sleeping) or waited five minutes and eased him into the co-sleeper next to the bed.

This has all changed: over the last two weeks he wakes every hour, feeds for AGES, sometimes won't go back to sleep, has also been teething since last week (poor lad) and generally totally exhausting.

I'm at the end of my rope. For the first time since he was born I've felt "I can't do this" - not sure what 'this' is exactly - breastfeeding, raising a child, both? I work three days a week but have cut back any other commitments at the moment so I can nap at every possible chance -on the days when I'm home I lie down every time DS does - but I'm still bloody knackered, and a wreck.

I've been searching my soul: did I respond too quickly to his cries when he was a newborn? Have I 'trained him' to wake up this often? Is it time he was in his own room? Is it time I was in my own room, in another (warmer) country, after a name change? I'm definitely a bad mother for all this breastfeeding co-sleeping nonsense, after all, because friends who 'let their baby cry a bit' MONTHS ago have had 6-7 hours each ever since....
(yes, a friend let her baby CIO at 3 months old. Yes, she's still my friend. Yes, it upsets me that she did that, but no, her daughter's not suffering - indeed, they're all insufferably perky and happy and well-rested looking)....

Anyway, I don't want to stop being a breastfeedy, co-sleepy, respond-to-crying baby-y weirdo - and DH is right there with me - but I DO need to remind myself, now and then, that this is the 4 month sleep regression and not 'my chickens coming home to roost' or 'the rod for my own back'... it's a developmental stage, not my failures as a new mum.

I feel lots better for writing all that, actually! [cgrin]

I know there are other people going through the same lack-of-sleep torment as me - come and have a vent. You'll feel better. We can commiserate and share notes!

You poor thing! Hopefully a tooth will pop through and he may sleep tonight...or soon anyway.

We can all live in hope!

My DS goes off early evening but it's the hours from 10 when he starts waking up on these 2 hourly cycles. If it was 3 hours it would be far more bearable.

You taking him clubbing then???? :)

Hi everyone, well I am supposed to be out drinking wine and dancing the night away on my xmas do however I am sat here in my pj's about to try and go to bed!

I managed to get approx 2 hours sleep last night as had decided I couldn't keep co-sleeping with dd as I don't sleep properly and she gets even hotter with us which isn't great when her temp goes up again as the calpol wears off. So everytime she went into her cot the eyes pop open and the tears start I pick her up again and she goes straight to sleep. Think it is partly cos of her chest infection making it more difficult to breathe but have her cot propped up so hopefully this will help and that she is a soft bugger!

She finally decided to sleep at 7am woke at 9am back to sleep at 1m woke at half 4 and has just gone to sleep but am waiting for the screams to commence again!

Hope you are enjoying your nights out (I'm very jealous!) would have been my first proper night out since she was born.

TSC your boobs are clearly redbull-ish.
Erm. That wasn't supportive was it?
Is he too hot? Too cold? Congested? Teething (I shoved a finger in to feel for tell-tale bumps and not only found them but had my finger half gnawed off - gawd, that on top of everything else...)?

I don't know what to say except for "argh bad luck" and "yay disco! D.I.S.C.O..." etc

If it makes you feel any better tsc I am here to at this ridiculous hour! Your not having any caffeine are you during the day?

Hope you had a good night

5 am again. Then she finally went back to sleep at 6.4o (2 poos 2 feeds, crying chattering and so on). Dc1 woke up at 6.42 but the little darling read in bed until 8 so we got a bit more sleep.

This reverse cycling is a sign that they're getting a bit more able to feed less frequently, isn't it? So maybe life will get less feedy soon.

Caffeine could definitely affect him. The one time I had quite a bit of caffiene (coffee and 2 teas and ate chocolate and a chocolate brownie) dd was up, wide awake, all night. Never did that again, now I only have 2 cups of tea per day and a bit of chocolate sometimes.

WOW there are some hardcore sleep-refusniks on this thread

DS down at 10.30, up at 2, 4, 5.15 and then for good at 7

So not appaling but not fabulous either

I can't really be arsed to 'do' asnything until after Christmas either... not sure what there is to 'do' anyway

It might be worth trying without the caffeine for a few days and seeing if it helps. I try and avoid it just in case so decaff coffee, decaff coke and can't have chocolate as she has a cow's milk protein allergy.

My plan is to get serious with her after xmas too as we are going away to my mums over xmas and new year so probably can't do it there. Think I might try the pick up put down method to try and teach her to self soothe as I think thats where our problems lie. Cos she falls asleep on me but then wakes up as soon as she goes in her cot and if she wakes in the night she can't really get herself back to sleep.

It needs to be sorted by Feb as I am going back to work and I don't think I could cope working 30 hours a week on no sleep.

On a more positive note because she doesn't sleep at night she now has a nap at 12ish everyday and will sleep for a good 3 hours which means I can attempt to nap - however just spend the time lying in bed thinking about the state of the house and end up getting up and cleaning, but at least I get a bit of a break. I am hoping she will settle a bit more when this bloody infection goes as she wakes herself up coughing a lot of the time.

wow tsc so far dd went down at 10 woke at 11 then again just now - off to put her back in a min - hopefully for a bit longer!

We had a reasonable night, every 3 hours and wide awake at 6.30. I still only got 6 hours sleep as i went to bed at 1015,got woken by dh at 1045 woken by dc3 at 1130. i can't persuade dh that for me to get 7 hours sleep( in bits) he needs to get to bed at 10, not just me.Dc3 will 'settle herself', she's always awake when i put her down, but she's just genuinely hungry evry 3 hours. She used to manage a 6 or 7 hour stretch at the start of her night but not any more.

oh and i agree about the caffeine, proper coffee used to keep dc1 awake, instant was ok but i only drink tea at the moment as i read something on kellymom about he ridiculous amount of time caffeine stays in bm for. i know tea has caffeine but i drink my coffee really strong so am avoiding it.

Yeah - caffeine stays in BM for 2 days or something absurd. I have a cup of tea some days (I can manage this because I already went through the worst, I quit almost completely when pg as it's a major taboo over here in the USA,) and choc whenever I fancy it - but I can never drink more than 2 cups of tea or any coffee without expecting a fussy baby in a day and a half... just when I've forgotten why he's be like that...

He went to sleep at 6pm like a little cherub, wanted a feed at 8 and 10pm, slept for a good while and THEN woke every hour from2-6, when I woke up DH and tagged him in...zzzzzzz

Bloody sister posting on fb about how her ten week old is sleeping through the bloody night. In fairness to her, the LO was v. sick at the start so can be praised for everything - but I'm still JEALOUS!

I just wanted to post in synpathy.
My DS was a nightmare from 4 months onwards. He woke constantly during the night always hungry (having slept 11-5 from about 2 months) -I tried everything food wise trying to stop him being hungry - even introducing solids (no help- poor lamb got stomach ache which made it worse) - he just wouldn't sleep.
In the end (in desperation as I was due back to work) - i ended up at a sleep clinic where they basically suggested some form of controlled crying - I was in tears literally as I really didn't want to do it - but we tried it (going in every few minute, patting etc just not picking up) and it worked pretty much after one-two nights which wasn't anywhere near as bad as I thought (one hr 1/2 -more indignant crying than sobbing)-he now sleeps 9.30- 5./6.
Before that at one stage he was waking up every 1/2 hr all the way through the night - some nights he would wake up and cry for 2-3 hrs

I wouldn't tell anyone to do any of the crying/leaving techniques - the idea of doing it upset me so much - also i don't know whether it would have worked at an earlier stage- I had to be really certain that he wasn't hungry/teething/in pain etc - and i also had to be really desperate but it is an option

I am not against cc but feel I need DS to be on solids before I start so can be sure he is not crying as hungry. Also it is difficult as we have a 4 yr old and don't want her waking up. Anyway thanks - at least I have a bit more time to play with now.

BTW - which sleep clinic did you use and did you find them useful?

Am trapped under a sleeping baby,post tired hysteria...

She wouldn't go to sleep till 830 last night,the 945 feed,good run until 0130 then wide awake 0430. At about 0600 managed to get her to nod off,only for Dh's alarm to wake us at 0645.

I think I'm going to have to work in some sort of routine in the new yr. Met a friend earlier whose 5 month Ds has been in baby rice for a while,determined to resist as dd is too little at 4 mo.y

IME (have 2 older DC) weaning does very little in terms of getting them to sleep better

Of course once they are fully established on solids and eating everything you are 3 times a day etc then it makes a difference... but the actual process of getting them onto solids (the gradual build up) does little to aid sleep. Milk (breast or formula) much more calorific than mushed up carrot

Jolly good, BF is so easy I am loathe to complicate my life unnecessarily!

How is everyone.

Just to offload..............night of hell last night. In cot after BF asleep from 7-9.45. Fine. Fed at 9.4 but he woke then at 11.45 and would not settle until 2am and then woke again at 4 am and has been up since!!!!

Aaaaaaagh. I have such hollow black eyes I could cry!

TSC - it is hell isn't it? DS fell asleep for 2 hours this morning but I had to get DD to school and sort stuff out so couldn't use that time myself really to sleep. Had 30 mins but actually feel worse.

I don't know where to go with this? I feel I can't do 'sleep training' as it will involve serious crying and don't want to disturb DD. Also as not yet eating solids he may actually be hungry?

I suppose mine at least sleeps a bit in the earlier part of the evening which is better than your boy so should be grateful!