4 month sleep regression hell: Support thread

[blackcurrants]

DS is 18 weeks and has never been a good sleeper (waking every 2-3 hours in the night) - but he used to go back to sleep immediately after I offered him a boob. I then either fell asleep next to him (got bed set up for safe co-sleeping) or waited five minutes and eased him into the co-sleeper next to the bed.

This has all changed: over the last two weeks he wakes every hour, feeds for AGES, sometimes won't go back to sleep, has also been teething since last week (poor lad) and generally totally exhausting.

I'm at the end of my rope. For the first time since he was born I've felt "I can't do this" - not sure what 'this' is exactly - breastfeeding, raising a child, both? I work three days a week but have cut back any other commitments at the moment so I can nap at every possible chance -on the days when I'm home I lie down every time DS does - but I'm still bloody knackered, and a wreck.

I've been searching my soul: did I respond too quickly to his cries when he was a newborn? Have I 'trained him' to wake up this often? Is it time he was in his own room? Is it time I was in my own room, in another (warmer) country, after a name change? I'm definitely a bad mother for all this breastfeeding co-sleeping nonsense, after all, because friends who 'let their baby cry a bit' MONTHS ago have had 6-7 hours each ever since....
(yes, a friend let her baby CIO at 3 months old. Yes, she's still my friend. Yes, it upsets me that she did that, but no, her daughter's not suffering - indeed, they're all insufferably perky and happy and well-rested looking)....

Anyway, I don't want to stop being a breastfeedy, co-sleepy, respond-to-crying baby-y weirdo - and DH is right there with me - but I DO need to remind myself, now and then, that this is the 4 month sleep regression and not 'my chickens coming home to roost' or 'the rod for my own back'... it's a developmental stage, not my failures as a new mum.

I feel lots better for writing all that, actually! [cgrin]

I know there are other people going through the same lack-of-sleep torment as me - come and have a vent. You'll feel better. We can commiserate and share notes!

One of the things I did to try and sort out the nosleep madness was protect his naptime vigorously, I even stopped going out if I knew it would be in the middle of his sleep (and I had a choice.) Dull, but by god it helped.

2 hours after waking and every 2-3 hours after that - at the first sight of a yawn, an eye-rub, or just getting bored/cranky, I change his nappy and whip him into the bedroom, where I lie down with him (some soft music playing) and feed him till he sleeps. Then I creep away and enjoy some blessed not-baby time, (or fall asleep myself) - and, erm, yeah. Him being less overtired at night means he was easier to settle at bedtime and has longer sleep cycles. He's definitely less good on the nights after a day when he's had to miss a nap. I am a bit tied to the house (and god knows how people with other kids manage it) but right now it's so cold I don't care...

Jeez, tsc have you been slipping him some redbull?
DS goes to bed at 6.30. Well, I'm done feeding him to sleep at 7pm, but the bath-pajamas-cuddle-with-dad session starts at 6.30. It took a week or so for it to 'take' but keeping the lights low, keeping our voices calm, and not watching telly (little stinker was craning his neck to look at the flashy lights, and getting waaay too excited) did help.

Do you have a bedtime routine? Might it help? Everything I've tried came from the 'No Cry Sleep Solution' book (make sure they nap, have a set bedtime and routine to let your baby know when it's time to sleep) and those two have worked. Putting him into the cot drowsy but awake? Pffah! not managed it once! He's either deep enough asleep that he stays asleep or NOT deep enough asleep and pings back awake and cries to be picked up.

sigh - co sleeping it is, then!

gosh re-reading that first bit it sounds judgy - it was meant to be silly/flippant/making light of our terrible sleep-hungry state. Not at ALL judgypants about anyone's baby not sleeping, gods know I'm in no position to do so!

Bleeeuuurgghhhh.

No sleep last night. He kept wanting feeding, I'd doze a little while feeding him, but I couldn't get comfy with him in the bed, too tired, and every time I put him back into his cot he would be asking for food almost straightaway.

Now have a splitting headache and a very loud baby.

We were doing ok until 5.30am (she'd been waking feeding then going back to sleep every 3 hours or so so not good but not bad) but then she stayed awake, refued to feed at 7am , slept in the pram while taking the other 2 to school and is now (obviously) refusing to have a morning nap. yesterday was crap a she had to sit through 2 primary school plays when she should have been napping then fell asleep late afternoon. She went to bed ok at 7pm but is not doing a nice long stretch at the start of her night.

Any tips on what to do when they want to start the day at 5am?? I sort of think that we should take it in turns to take her downstairs so at least one of us can sleep another hour but it's too cold to get up. And maybe she is cold despite all the layers I put her in.

I feel for you with the 5.30 starts. One of us usually gets up as you describes and watches the news on tv while the other (usually me) gets a couple of hours before the rush to get ready for school starts.

What a life eh?

BTW - My DS goes easily up to 4 hours without a feed in the day yet wants it every 2 at night! How can I get him to do it the other way round! I try feeding him more in the day but he isn't interested. Grrrrrrrrrrr.

Same here fifi dc3 is increasingly not interested during the day, and waking more and more at night. kellymom has some word for this but offers no solutions.

Reverse cycling I think it's called Loo. I call it a bloody nightmare!

If anyone has a solution to the reverse cycling thing I'd love to hear it. DD is just like yours fifi and Loo - I have to remind her to feed during the day yet at night it's every 2 hours like clockwork. The HV said (rather helpfully, I thought) that it was a bad habit and it would be very hard to change now ...

I am back at work in January worse luck. I am not sure how I will function!

Last 2 nights with DS have been 'good'

Only waking at 2, 4.30 and 5.45...

He was in our bed from 4.30 this morning. I am all for the idea of co-sleeping, but I just don't find it comfortable and I can't get bacjk to sleep properly

Last night..

fed at 10.00,12.00, 1.00, 3.00 and 5.30 and then up at 6.30.

He is 18 weeks and seems to be constantly hungry HV said he is just eating little and often which is the best way of eating. Maybe for him but definately not for me.

I have to admit giving him formula on the odd occasions to see if he goes any longer. I can definately confirm this is a myth!!!

I tried the bottle of formula thing with DD1 to try and get her to go through longer (and to knock her out - she was utterly crap at going down initially)

It did Sweet FA

So wed night was great (comparatively). After her/my meltdown at lunchtime, she slept for 2.5 hours then rolled over!!!!!! How exciting :-) she then slept 9-12, 12-2, 2-5, 5-7. I woke up feeling refreshed and fantastic! Last night however was frickin awful! Good start, 6-830, 830-12. I was thinking we had this ole sleep regression malarkey sorted but no, she wouldn't settle, went back in her cot and grunted and rolled, crying every hour till 240 when she cried and wouldn't settle. Was in the middle of a breakdown when she did the most enormous poo, me and dh were both up changing clothes, trying to contain the rivers of poo that kept on coming! She was absolutely delighted to see dh and I and was massively pleased with herself. That explained all the grunting and rolling of the previous 3 hrs then. She then fed (again) and slept nicely from 4-630. I think without the massive poo we might have had an ok night :-(

Took dc3 to get weighed this morning ( still sturdy) and just stood like a zombie, unable to chat cheerfully with hv. We would have had an ok night(rocked her to sleep at 8.30pm and 10pm)then she woke at 2.3o and woke for the day at 6) but at10.15pm i ran half a bath and then the water went off so we had the water repair team hopping about til 11pm (burst water main) and no water until just now. And i do like to wash my hands after changing dc3's nappies, wetwipes never seem the same.

I'm trying to get her to feed as often as possible in the day to put an end to this 'reverse cycling' but sometimes she just tosses her little baby head and screeches at me.

Oh no louloo, what a nightmare!!

We are on third pooey nappy since poo-gate at 240am this morning. Is loads of poos related to the sleep regression, or is it coz I'm feeding her constantly trying to get her to sleep??

More feeding = more poos I think.

I had 2 hourly again last night with a wide awake spell from 2-4.30! Ugh.

TSC I have a feeling these awake spells are linked to teeth. Hope so as it's a reasonable explanation otherwise our babies are just sadists!

Do you mean 1.30 pm? To 2am????? No sleep between then! he really is a little devil isn't he???

I THINK DS has the very start of a tooth so waiting to see what happens tonight.

As usual, dreading going to bed. Good luck ladies with your nights tonight!