4 month sleep regression hell: Support thread

[blackcurrants]

DS is 18 weeks and has never been a good sleeper (waking every 2-3 hours in the night) - but he used to go back to sleep immediately after I offered him a boob. I then either fell asleep next to him (got bed set up for safe co-sleeping) or waited five minutes and eased him into the co-sleeper next to the bed.

This has all changed: over the last two weeks he wakes every hour, feeds for AGES, sometimes won't go back to sleep, has also been teething since last week (poor lad) and generally totally exhausting.

I'm at the end of my rope. For the first time since he was born I've felt "I can't do this" - not sure what 'this' is exactly - breastfeeding, raising a child, both? I work three days a week but have cut back any other commitments at the moment so I can nap at every possible chance -on the days when I'm home I lie down every time DS does - but I'm still bloody knackered, and a wreck.

I've been searching my soul: did I respond too quickly to his cries when he was a newborn? Have I 'trained him' to wake up this often? Is it time he was in his own room? Is it time I was in my own room, in another (warmer) country, after a name change? I'm definitely a bad mother for all this breastfeeding co-sleeping nonsense, after all, because friends who 'let their baby cry a bit' MONTHS ago have had 6-7 hours each ever since....
(yes, a friend let her baby CIO at 3 months old. Yes, she's still my friend. Yes, it upsets me that she did that, but no, her daughter's not suffering - indeed, they're all insufferably perky and happy and well-rested looking)....

Anyway, I don't want to stop being a breastfeedy, co-sleepy, respond-to-crying baby-y weirdo - and DH is right there with me - but I DO need to remind myself, now and then, that this is the 4 month sleep regression and not 'my chickens coming home to roost' or 'the rod for my own back'... it's a developmental stage, not my failures as a new mum.

I feel lots better for writing all that, actually! [cgrin]

I know there are other people going through the same lack-of-sleep torment as me - come and have a vent. You'll feel better. We can commiserate and share notes!

Please help, I am sitting here sobbing whilst my DS naps AGAIN after waking every hour for the last two nights.
I go back to work in 6 weeks and feel physically sick at the thought that this will continue.
Until a couple of days back he slept through or fed once/twice a night - I know i'm lucky to have had that but I am in bits at the prospect of what's to come.
I'm EBF and trying to move to formula although we are fast stacking up a collection of bottles and teats that he just won't accept.
I just can't stop crying I'm so scared having read your posts.

cuppatea, I don't have any advice but didn't want you to think you were on your own. I'm in the same boat with bottle refusal and returning to work. We're seriously thinking of paying for a nanny or maternity nurse for a week to help us break the cycle, as I'm just unsustainably tired. Well have to use savings but if it works it'll be so woth it. If it works (or if we have a breakthrough of some other kind) I'll post about it.

THX petsville, i've got myself in a right state over this and have lost all perspective, DS is 14 weeks. Have ordered breastflow bottle and teat as nursery said these could help, they also said that they've always got babies to take them in the end - have arranged a two week overlap in case.
The extractor fan over our hob has worked in the past to 'enforce' naps so will try that tonight, will be following this thread closely. thanks again

I have exactly the same problem. DS 18.5 weeks, been waking continually since he hit 16 weeks exactly. He is EBF. But has never fed particularly well and for the past 3 weeks has not been gaining weight. At the last weigh in (at 18 weeks) the HV said that if he doesn't put on weight by next week it'll need to be solids/formula. I took matters into my own hands day before yesterday, gave him a bit of mashed banana- he slept much better. Last night gave him baby porridge (both after a usual milk feed at 5). he slept from 7pm-6am only waking for 2 dream feeds at 10pm and 4am. Now, this may be a coincidence- maybe it never happens again and i'll be back in the no sleep gang- but desperately wanted to share this with you as i know how truly awful and desperate it all is. Not sure if the bit of solids are the key, may have been coincidence- but might be worth a try?

(sorry for long post)

Solids not working here (but we're doing BLW so I don't think he's had enough to make a difference - we're just starting to offer him some food). We've got a highly-recommended maternity nurse coming to see us next weekend to try to help us crack the problem with DS not accepting a bottle, and we'll ask her for advice about the sleep while she's here.

DC3(28w) still not into solids,she's sucking toast and banana but refuses spoon feeding, BUT at night time things are subtly better. She now does nearly 4 hours sometimes whereas she was doing 2.5 or 3 . At the weekend we had 10.30pm,3.30am then 7am which is the best we've done since early december.Before that she used to wake once between 7pm and 7am.Funnily enough I'm tireder than ever, can't spell(at least I'm only writing thankyou cards to family) and am very bad tempered.

I got myself into such a state trying to get dc2 to take a bottle that I'm not even considering trying with dc3 for a few months. In the end when dc2 was about 10 or 11 months she guzzled a whole bottle first thing in the morning from a totally standard avent bottle,she was sleeping through so I was horribly engorged all morning. We had to hire a skip to take away all the fancy bottles and teats she had tried and rejected.

Hi all... can i join the no sleep gang. DS 16 weeks waking to feed every 2 hours for the last three weeks.

I'm also one who will be going back to work (start of May) and have a bottle refuser. very interested in the maternity nurse idea and also will think about having a week overlap with nursery to see what they do... scared that he'll go without all day then just feed all night... mind you that's what he's doing now

my DD was sleeping through by now and never went back... i was clearly spoiled (and she was FF by now, for other reasons)

Petsville - how's it going, any good advice from the nurse? I literally had a breakdown last week and am thinking I should see docs as having major anxiety issues now re sleep and feeding. He is waking every 90 mins or so and cannot nap for more than about 30 mins in the day although every few days he will sleep for hours.
We had a couple of good nights and then it's back - am beside myself.
Extractor fan does work but he's still waking and since it means sleeping on a sofa in the kitchen it's not great.
KSal - I spoke to the nursery and they were pretty laid back re bottle refusnik but, at significant cost am looking to start him 2 weeks before I go back plus I have 3 settling in sessions 2 of which I leave him with them- just trying to buy time.

Hey- ignore my last post!!! I'm so back in the no sleep gang, it's not even funny!!! It feels like it's goingt o go on forever and that i will never sleep again. there's no way i can ever contemplate any other children, and I have started to 'fear' the night times. Ridiculous!!

Any idea at all how long this lasts for? anyone??

Hi, we're still in the no sleep zone here. I discovered yesterday that I can cook lunch for 14 people (big family gathering) in spite of feeling like a zombie, which makes me perversely quite proud of myself, but it's one of those things I'd rather not have found out!

Nurse is coming next Sunday (23rd), so I'll post here when we've seen her. Are any of my fellow-sufferers on this thread in London? If so, and if she turns out to be good, I can e-mail her name and details of the agency we found her through.

Allegedly the 4-month sleep regression lasts between 1 and 6 weeks, but we're 8 weeks and counting here, and there are some posts earlier up this thread from women who didn't really get much sleep till their DCs were 7 months or more. I'm trying not to think too hard about that.

Hang in there petsville. We are based just outside london nr watford so details would be good.

This four month sleep regression started at 4.5 months(she was sleeping 7pm til 3am then til 7am) and she's now 6.5 months. he's actually a good sleeper, wakes only to feed sleeps from 7 til 7 and has a morning nap and a good hour and a half or so at 'lunchtime'('' as she doesn't eat her lunch) but she wakes hungry 3 or 4 times in the night and won't eat off a spoon. But things have stopped getting worse.....

I'm so glad i found this thread too! My 18 week old baby has been waking at 2 hourly intervals for the past week and I was in tears with the health visitor at his injections this morning.

He is EBF and doesn't nap for more than 45 mins in the daytime and normally only twice. He doubled his birth weight in 3 months not si and has always been hungry but this is so draining.

He was sleeping reasonably well and I tried him on baby rice this afternoon but i suspect it's too early as most of it dribbled down his front. Have been told formula probably won't help either and that it's probably a 'phase'.

anyone still about with 4 month old grizzly babies? i know the original babies from this thread are a couple of months older now but am just searching for some tips or other mummies to share the "i can't do this anymore!" phase

Yep, I am one- which is why I am replying at such an ungodly hour! 17 week old daughter who has been waking every couple of hours during the night for the last couple of weeks. Tonight has been even worse. Woke at half twelve, then half one- still not back asleep, aargh.... She's happily feeding and does seem to be dozing off though so I may actually get to go back to bed at some point. Also she is cutting her first tooth- not sure if that has been partly why she's not been sleeping so well. Everyone else I know in RL seems to have babies that sleep really well, with only a few night wakings. One even does the holy grail of seven till seven. I keep questioning where I have gone wrong???? I am starting to feel really fed up with people reacting with pity/surprise when I tell them she wakes so often . Makes me feel like a crap mummy . But I don't know what else to do- I won't leave her to cry.

Just to say that dc3 is now 11m and now sleeps fine. I didn't do controlled crying or anything dramatic, just kept feeding her at night and eventually things got better. Dc1 and 2 slept much better but dc3 sorted herself out eventually. I've name changed since this thread was last active!

i'm quite lucky overnight but the lunchtime/afternoon nap and evening/bedtime is a nightmare. he's hysterical for some reason and it just goes on and on till he's so overtired and congested from the crying. nothing soothes him, feeding makes him more windy and wound up, dummy and cuddles make him scream in rage and i can't leave the house to take him for a walk in the buggy with my older 2 if it's going really bad. i did that today cause i had dh and was at my parents and it worked a treat but am dreading tomorrow.

i feel like i've switched off and am not even trying to work out if anything is wrong, or try something different that might work. all i want to do is buy an expensive baby swing, stick him in it and walk away! but we had a swing and sold it cause he wasn't mad on it.
i looked at him properly earlier and wondered if it's something in my bmilk or colic but i'm sure he's too old for colic?? i can't face the thought of giving up caffeine or dairy, and am sure that's not it cause it's only been this last week so i'm sure it's just the growing.

Thought I'd add my tale of woe! DS was never a fantastic sleeper but we were at least getting a 4-5 hour stretch between 9.30 and 2.30 recently. Sadly now at 15 weeks I fear the dreaded regression is upon us. The last 5 nights have started with a 3 hour stretch from 10-1, but after that he's awake pretty much every hour until 7am. Weirdly his naps in the day are still fine, but as he's only ever napped on my lap or in the sling that doesn't really help matters.
Thankfully he's being so smiley and sweet during the day it stops me going mental. He's also feeding just as much in the day as the night so I know he hasn't got them mixed up.
Basically I think we're just going to ride it out. Ff made no difference when we used to give him a bottle before bed, so we stopped. It's just a case of co-sleeping, lie-ins on a weekend when DP can take him, and hope it doesn't last for too long!

co-sleeping and lie-ins?!? that's my usual method of coping but not getting much of those these days with my older kids.

i went to the weigh in clinic today and ds has put on loads of weight which is great, and suddenly sleeping all day so looks like we're just about over it for now! he will be 19weeks on friday. i can't wait for this screeching to stop!

Poor you Naturalbaby, if I had other kids I think I really would be going mental by now. Last night I was so tired I took DS to bed at 9pm even though he was still wide awake, and just prayed I could feed him to sleep. Luckily it worked so I got 9.30-12.30am asleep, then fed on and off til 7.15am. I've no idea how many times but I do think it was generally a little better than the night before.
The other thing that's gone up the spout is putting him in his co-sleeper cot fairly drowsy and him just dropping off. He used to do this about 50% of the time but now he has to be fed to sleep every time. Again I hope it's just a phase.
Fingers crossed for a better night tonight!

we got to bed with baby as well, as soon as the older 2 have settled. i still end up staying awake rediculously late on the laptop though! i found around this age with my older 2 the habits started and i really struggled to get them to self settle around 6-7months when i tried to move them to their own room so i've been quite hard on this baby getting him to settle himself to sleep. i've ended up using a dummy though so still not great!
off to get him jabbed this afternoon just to add to the grizzles

Last night was about the same for us. DS stayed asleep in his cot for the first three hours which was good, but he still ended up in bed with us after that as he wouldn't settle. I have it easier than some as he does generally go back to sleep quickly after each feed, and he's happy in the day. We even had a 1 hour nap on the bed together this morning. As long as I have a nap I can just about cope, but I'm just praying it doesn't last too long. His last sleep regression was at about six weeks and only lasted two days. We're on night six so far this time!

I know this is a very old thread but I am going through this exact same thing. 19 weeks old today (but 21 weeks according to the wonder weeks as 2 weeks late).
It's been 4 weeks now and I am exhausted. Are any of you still around, did it get better? please say yes, please say yes, please say yes

Hi Jemjar, I'm currently going through this with my 20-week old. She's been up every 2 hours in the night for the past two weeks. I'm going crazy!
Weve been bringing her into bed with us as she seems to sleep a bit better in our bed - don't want to be doing that forever though...

Hiya Piggymad and Jemjar

I'm going through the same thing. Going to start a brand new thread for us and others like us! Think I'll call it 4 month sleep regression madness!

Hope you will both join me! xx