4 month sleep regression hell: Support thread

[blackcurrants]

DS is 18 weeks and has never been a good sleeper (waking every 2-3 hours in the night) - but he used to go back to sleep immediately after I offered him a boob. I then either fell asleep next to him (got bed set up for safe co-sleeping) or waited five minutes and eased him into the co-sleeper next to the bed.

This has all changed: over the last two weeks he wakes every hour, feeds for AGES, sometimes won't go back to sleep, has also been teething since last week (poor lad) and generally totally exhausting.

I'm at the end of my rope. For the first time since he was born I've felt "I can't do this" - not sure what 'this' is exactly - breastfeeding, raising a child, both? I work three days a week but have cut back any other commitments at the moment so I can nap at every possible chance -on the days when I'm home I lie down every time DS does - but I'm still bloody knackered, and a wreck.

I've been searching my soul: did I respond too quickly to his cries when he was a newborn? Have I 'trained him' to wake up this often? Is it time he was in his own room? Is it time I was in my own room, in another (warmer) country, after a name change? I'm definitely a bad mother for all this breastfeeding co-sleeping nonsense, after all, because friends who 'let their baby cry a bit' MONTHS ago have had 6-7 hours each ever since....
(yes, a friend let her baby CIO at 3 months old. Yes, she's still my friend. Yes, it upsets me that she did that, but no, her daughter's not suffering - indeed, they're all insufferably perky and happy and well-rested looking)....

Anyway, I don't want to stop being a breastfeedy, co-sleepy, respond-to-crying baby-y weirdo - and DH is right there with me - but I DO need to remind myself, now and then, that this is the 4 month sleep regression and not 'my chickens coming home to roost' or 'the rod for my own back'... it's a developmental stage, not my failures as a new mum.

I feel lots better for writing all that, actually! [cgrin]

I know there are other people going through the same lack-of-sleep torment as me - come and have a vent. You'll feel better. We can commiserate and share notes!

Petsville really agree with you about wishing I had mixed fed. Sorry you had a rough night, if it's any consolation you are not alone!

DS was in bed for 7, fed at 9.30, 11.30 and then woke for another feed at 12.30 and was up and down and wide awake at times until 2, then woke at 3 and 4 and then finally slept 4.30- 6. Am soooooooooooo fed up.

I just need him to feed more during day and then when he hits 6months I am doing cc. I can't see any other way forward.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST
i can't stand this-he's been awake since 10am with just one 10 minute sleep and we had to take him out in the pram as driving found for half an hour didn't work.he's feeding constantly. i can't stand this much longer.
do i wean, dob 23\7 and he weighs 19lb7oz

Hi everyone.

My DS2 is 5 1/2 months and def hit the 4/5 month regression with a vengeance - although it has passed now. He's back to his delightful every 2-3 hour feeds instead .

DS1 (EBF) slept 7pm-7am without a single feed from 3 months old so this is a bit of a shock!! DS2 is also one of those with a proximity detector. 1/2" away from Mummy or Daddy and the World Ends.

I'm not considering early weening as DS1 hs eczema and it seems that DS2, like DS1 is dairy intolerant (by proxy at the moment). In DS1 dairy triggers eczema and in DS2 if I eat dairy he gets refluxy and distressed so it's no chocolate for me, even after a bad night.

So I'm interested in seeing how things go here. We co-sleep out of necessity (although I am surprised to find I like it but would be very happy to have him in his own space). He has shown a lot of interest in our food so once he's over 6 months I'm going to let him try some.

BTW, I personally don't think that there's any real difference in outcome between BLW and spoon feeding mush, other than BLW is much easier! The most important thing is that the baby is physically ready and the problem with mush is that it can be given to a baby who isn't ready. I was advised to early wean DS1 (at 4 months) because of reflux and now I think it was the wrong thing. He still had the tongue thrust reflex and anyway I suspect the reflux was caused by his dairy intolerance like his brother. This is why I'm totally determined to wait until DS2 is over 6 months (adjusted, as he was 3 weeks prem) before allowing him anything other than BM. But if you've no problems like that in the family then it's perhaps not so critical. But the gut does close up at around 6 months so it's a good benchmark.

DS2 also won't take a bottle. Has anyone tried a doidy cup? Or a sippy cup?

Yes have tried both and both rejected!!!!!

I do think the bottle holds the key for me. It would fill him up a bit and maybe give me longer at night and just free me up a bit in the day so DH can have him.

I BF now for 5.5 months and this is longer than I wanted to do.

I am even thinking about going 'cold turkey' and only offering the bottle, will express at first to avoid engorgement too. Not sure though..................

public - I don't think a couple of weeks matters either way if the baby is ready. My mates tell me weaning helped with the sleep but it took a while.

Still having 5am starts every other day. it seems that if she has a proper lunchtime sleep she'll go to sleep again if she's fed at 5am, if she's gone to bed overtired she won't. but now dc1 and 2 are on holiday the house is too noisy for her to have a good sleep. I've started giving her solids (mashed veg and ricecakes) she's not really worked out how to swallow the veg yet but is having great fun blowing ricecake raspberries. DC2 was the same , she took a fortnight to work out how to eat but from then on was no trouble.I don't want to start bottles as I can't face preparing them with this water at 70c faff. So I'm trying to bf til nearly a year but get her on 3 meals a day asap.
public are you ebf? If so maybe starting the odd bottle of formula would give you more of a break as you can't give any proper food until 6m.

sorry, public hair is actually TheSecondComing in another name, yes i am EBF as the little sod baby wont take a bottle,a cup etc etc

I tried all day for DS with a bottle. Total refusal. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

DH tried DS on a bottle this afternoon (we've been trying at the same time every day for ages, with me out of the house while he tries) and got hysterical screaming. Had to call me straight back to do a feed because it was so bad. Anyone would think we were trying to poison him!

We've tried once with a cup but he's reacting so badly to bottles at the moment that we're a bit wary of setting up the same aversion to cups - we thought we might wait a month or so and then try the cup, in the hope that he might want to copy us and drink out of something at the table.

Appalling night again - as well as feeds at 11, 2, 5 and 6.30 DS woke up in between every feed to grumble about his teeth, woke me up and then was fast asleep again by the time I actually got to him.

Oh joy for all of us then. I hope 2011 brings us some much needed sleep.

TSCpublichair I didn't realise you are the same, I'm too tired to realise much these days but things have stopped getting worse. if i were you I'd try baby rice and formula. people have given this to babies for decades even to 6w olds (in the case of a friend of mine whose ds is now 28y). Your ds is 3 weeks younger than my lo and I started carrots last week, it's not really that early just that there seems to be more peer pressure these days to leave it til 26w. it can't make it much worse ....or can it?

hello can I join please? Have been totally spoiled up til now - DD slept through from 6 weeks. Now at 20 weeks. One week ago she started waking 45 mins after going to sleep, 3 nights ago she added a 3 am feed and last night it was bed at 8.30am, waking at 9.15, 1am, 5am and 7am. Any chance this could be a blip or is this sleep regression? She is EBf and I'm not weaning until 26 weeks - so keen for any tips to nip this into the bud. I'm had it so easy up til now, I'm just not used to the sleep depravation.

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has posted on this thread because it has made me feel like I'm not alone in this waking-every-1.5-hours-bottle-refusing-no-nap-in-the-daytime hell I'm in right now.

Anyone want to come back and visit with glorious tales of light at the end of the tunnel?

soontobefatnat - I just had a breakthrough with useing resuce remedy to get DD to chill out and sleep!

I keep hoping someone will post with tales of light at the end of the tunnel too! None here yet, alas: DS is still feeding several time a night and won't take a bottle. He's 19 weeks now. About the only thing we haven't got is refusal to nap in the daytime - we normally get in at least one 30-minute nap, though the timing's unpredictable.

Well done Zimm (and thanks for the sympathy - I saw your post on the thread I started). I might try the rescue remedy - though we had a slightly better night last night ("only" up 3 times between midnight and 7) so I'm really, really hoping that the end of the regression may be in sight. We'll see what happens tonight.

Good luck tonight ladies! RR - what can't it do??!

another one here,,,,,so fucking tired

just to say baby rice did JACK shit, it seemed to block him up as was maybe too heavy for a 17 week old so am stopping

the night time FF has stopped working too

another night of 12pm, 2am, 5.30am and then the gift of 6.30am

UGH, like having a newborn

so pleased I am not only one, but sorry for you all!!!

Bed at 10.30pm then up at 1am, 3.30am, 5am, 6am, 7am........UURRGH!

Bed at 10.30 here too, then 1, 3, 4.30, 6 and that was it for the day. Was lying awake at 3.30 wondering whether I could just leave home. It's actually worse than when he was newborn. And I was psychologically prepared for that to be hell - I didn't know that 4 months was so bad till we got to it.

My thoughts exactly Petsville - I expected the newborn stage to be like this, not the month four month stage! Tonight we have Night rescue remedy, Karvol for her blocked nose and teething granules to hand - Just done her 'final' BF and sent DH wand her upstairs so he can rock her to sleep....have everything crossed as have friends round later!

Fingers crossed for you, Zimm - DS is asleep at the moment (went down beautifully at 7.30), but I'm just waiting for the howling to start.

Well we had 8pm-1.20am here (vast improvement) but still up at 1.20am, 3.30am, 5am, 7am etc....WAH!

Just signing in - every hour here too at the moment and not wanting to sleep at all in the evenings - currently wide awake. He is 19 weeks. Or might be 20. I have no idea any more.

Am hoping it becomes more manageable next week when DS goes back to school (4) and DD does some days in nursery (2.5). It is hell with them all here as I cannot give the others any time, am exhausted, DD is being very jealous...

Am pretty much back in work working from home too with lots of deadlines (academic - grants to write). Am also having a write job applications and attend interviews as being made redundant. The idea of attending an interview like this...well .

It is not so much each night on its own...just the culmative effect. Is slowly killing me.

dc3 is 6m now and although things are getting no worse (10.30pm,2am,5am,7am) we're not managing to get any food down her, she just calmly shuts her little mouth. She'll 'eat' toast but sucking a bit of toast is not going to get her sleeping any better. I'm desperate for dc1 and 2 to go back to school so i can hang about like a zombie rather than playing old maid and making lunch etc..