4 month sleep regression hell: Support thread

[blackcurrants]

DS is 18 weeks and has never been a good sleeper (waking every 2-3 hours in the night) - but he used to go back to sleep immediately after I offered him a boob. I then either fell asleep next to him (got bed set up for safe co-sleeping) or waited five minutes and eased him into the co-sleeper next to the bed.

This has all changed: over the last two weeks he wakes every hour, feeds for AGES, sometimes won't go back to sleep, has also been teething since last week (poor lad) and generally totally exhausting.

I'm at the end of my rope. For the first time since he was born I've felt "I can't do this" - not sure what 'this' is exactly - breastfeeding, raising a child, both? I work three days a week but have cut back any other commitments at the moment so I can nap at every possible chance -on the days when I'm home I lie down every time DS does - but I'm still bloody knackered, and a wreck.

I've been searching my soul: did I respond too quickly to his cries when he was a newborn? Have I 'trained him' to wake up this often? Is it time he was in his own room? Is it time I was in my own room, in another (warmer) country, after a name change? I'm definitely a bad mother for all this breastfeeding co-sleeping nonsense, after all, because friends who 'let their baby cry a bit' MONTHS ago have had 6-7 hours each ever since....
(yes, a friend let her baby CIO at 3 months old. Yes, she's still my friend. Yes, it upsets me that she did that, but no, her daughter's not suffering - indeed, they're all insufferably perky and happy and well-rested looking)....

Anyway, I don't want to stop being a breastfeedy, co-sleepy, respond-to-crying baby-y weirdo - and DH is right there with me - but I DO need to remind myself, now and then, that this is the 4 month sleep regression and not 'my chickens coming home to roost' or 'the rod for my own back'... it's a developmental stage, not my failures as a new mum.

I feel lots better for writing all that, actually! [cgrin]

I know there are other people going through the same lack-of-sleep torment as me - come and have a vent. You'll feel better. We can commiserate and share notes!

oh! I should add, this is here and not in sleep because I'm about to go back to mum's place in the UK for Christmas and stay there 3 weeks. Last week I mentioned on the phone that Ben's always been waking every 2 hours but now it's even more frequent and I'm starting to feel it, specially with this cough that won't go away and the rest of the family also having a cold.... and she said "he should have been sleeping through the night MONTHS ago! You all did! I shall have to have words with him, when we meet next month!" - all in a playful, jokey kind of way but... how can I respond "yeah, we all did cos we were formula fed and you let us cry, I'm not doing either of those things?" ... She's going to attribute all of my sleep issues with breastfeeding and cosleeping, I just know it. So, erm, I was hoping for a bit of feeding-related support, too!

Hi there, am watching with interest! My lo is 16 weeks and last two nights has been waking constantly for no apparent reason, kindly just after a week of hell with no sleep due to terrible vomiting flu! She is constantly trying to roll during the day so I think this is the start of the dreaded sleep regression.... I am a breast-feeding, co-sleeping weirdie who won't let her cry as well btw :-) am not looking forward to visiting in-laws after christmas and constantly being told I need to "get my life back".....

My breast fed baby also has sleep issues and I'm not sure which one to try and sort out first! She's 17 weeks and her sleep has got steadily worse since she was about 2 weeks old when she slept through from 11 to 6 a couple of nights! At 13 weeks she reinstated the 2am feed having dropped it at 8 weeks, and now she's waking every 2 hours, and definitely needs her 2am feed after a decent feed at 11pm. I just don't think my boobs produce enough at each feed for her to go more than 3-4 hours, yet my mother assures me that all 3 of us slept through from 6 weeks and not a drop of formula passed our lips. All my NCT friends seem to get more sleep and some even get the mythical 12 hour sleep through, but they are all supplementing with formula or bottle feeding. My mum is a BF zealot so there'll be raised eyebrows if I give formula, and I don't really want to, but I would love a decent sleep!
The wonder weeks book has been a very useful sanity preserver as it very accurately described her 10 week blip of misery and she's now doing all the classic 17 week things, apparently it will all improve by 20 weeks so hang in there!

Here are the sleep regression links: here, here, here and here.

matilda73, you are lucky you had such a good run of sleep before it went mad. I'd be over the moon if my 11 m.o. slept that well!

Every baby's different. Some babies' sleep is affected by developmental spurts, while for others it's behaviour / mood / feeding / eating which is messed up.

During sleep regression periods lots of people also stop bf but find that the baby wakes just as often, but is then harder to get to sleep, so topping up/ff doesn't necessarily make any difference.

It does improve, really it does (until the next spurt at 26 weeks, then the 8/9 month regression, of course ).

And if it's any consolation, the baby I know who was worst affected by the 4 month sleep regression was entirely ff.

Hello! I am also a bf co-cleeping mum :) I didn't start out co cleeping though, too afraid of rolling over and squishing DS! Although back then we did sort of co sleep, I just slept sitting up with DS on my chest .
Anyway, he's 20 weeks and used to sleep through. Now for the past forever he's waking 2 or 3 times a night. I'm assuming it's for boob, it's all he's offered! He sucks, I go back to sleep and then a few hours later I awaken again and find him pulling at my top!
Co sleeping provides a good nights sleep for both me and DS. Not for DH though. He sleeps on the sofa (spare bed coverd in ironing yet to be done!) as he's still afraid of squishing DS. Don't tell him I said this but it's actually better as when he's there I spend most of the night protecting DS from DHs flailing arm and elbow!
I did think that this was all a sign DS needed to start from solids but I think it's the 4 month sleep thingy so I'm going to wait it out for a few more weeks.
I'm back at work as well.
Oh and btw, I hate it when DS cries. I'm the first the pick him up and soothe him. I don't understand this CC stuff. It just sounds mean. But fair play to those who make it work. I'm just too much of a marshamllow! Was driving through traffic yesterday with DS screaming in the back cos he was hungry (he's always hungry these days) and I was nearly in tears myself as there was nothing I could do!

I will join you. DD is a good sleeper but I think she has hit it too, she is 16 weeks and currently is refusing to go to sleep until 11pm and waking once and then up at 6. Which I know is not so bad in the grand scheme of things but I am not used to it! I have a nearly 2 year old who is being a pest as well (though he is an excellent sleeper atm - touch wood!)
I am a breastfeeding non co-sleeper, I am not anti leaving babies to cry a bit to settle themselves but not remotely up for controlled crying/cry-it-out at this age. Unfortunately if it gets really bad DH is and we will fight about it, and I am also already DREADING in-law visit after Xmas as DS sleep always goes tits up there due to it being a bit cold and uncomfy and MIL talks the biggest amount of nonsense, and with SUCH AUTHORITY, oh my god you would think she was a parenting expert with years of experience, not a 60 year old who has brought up one child over 30 years ago.

I think our parents generation forget anyway. I am sure we were not all dream sleepers. For example, MIL says DH slept through from 3 months when it suits (e.g. when persuadign me to let baby cry), but in other cases he didn't (e.g. wanting to tell me how hard she had it, going back to work when DH was tiny, etc, etc!)

blackcurrants, unfortunately I strongly believe that sleeping is almost all down to luck, especially when they are tiny. But I know plenty of people with not so good sleepers like yours who suddenly got better eventually.

My DD is bloody adorable at the moment in the day though. She spends all her waking hours massively pleased with herself. I think this is why she doesn't want to sleep!

Gotta go DS is moaning.

I feel your pain! DS is 16 weeks and slept through (9pm till 7am) from about 5 weeks old. Now he is waking constantly during the night...refusing to settle and waking every 15 mins sometimes

I am shattered. He is in the process of moving from breast to formula but the formula has made no difference in helping him sleep.

I am also dreading xmas as he cries every time he is put down (and stops as soon as I pick him up). DH and his family believe in controlled crying so I think there will be conflict.

some familiar faces here! ds is 19.5 weeks old and has been feeding at least every 3 hours for the last few weeks. until a month or so ago he was sleeping 7, 8 or even 9 hours in s row.

i have been clinging to the magic 20 week date as a time things might improve. and do you know what? fingers and toes crossed, but the night before last he slept for a 4 hour stretch, and last night he finished feeding at 9 (though was awake till after 10) and woke at 2.20. that's more than 5 hours between feeds! fingers crossed this is the beginning of the end of the regression.

i like having DH in bed with me when I co-sleep - we normally use a bedside cot so have our own space, but for the 5.30 feed this morning I couldn't be arsed to sit up so just pulled DS across. I then got DH to snuggle behind me so I didn;t have to balance on my side to feed. We then all went back to sleep like that.

I sympathise about family making'helpful' comments. Luckily mine are all pro-BFing but they all keep telling me to give him a bit of baby rice to make him sleep longer. Ignore, ignore, ignore...

I'm joining too,but am posting left handed on phone due to sleeping baby on other arm! Will write proper post later.

Just wanted to check in here for now. We have feeding, sleep regression, and now a really nasty nappy rash

I'm so glad I read these threads because I am at the end of my teather with my 18 week ds who has never slept more than 3hours since being born and for the last month wakes every 2 hours. I'm so tired and feel a complete failure for not being able to get him into a routine. I feel like my life is on hold because I no longer make arrangements with friend because I'm so tired.

I did try one formula feed for one week but it made no difference. My family blame the bf and I'm beginning to think they are right but I don't want to give in. Thinking to start baby rice soon.

I have a 3 year old which makes it more complicated :(

I'll keep my fingers crossed for the 20 week mark but feel like I've been looking forward to each milestone only to find there is another reason he won't sleep.

My daughter (18 weeks) usually sleeps really well, but has started to wake at night for a week now. She doesn't want to be fed though, she hardly wants to open her eyes. She just cries until I let her sleep on me.

Of course, everybody tells me I'm spoiling her and that I will regret that soon. But what can I do? I can't just sit there all night trying to calm her down, when I know all she wants is cuddles.

I hope this is just a phase...

You can't spoil a little baby! They've only been here for 4 or 5 months and they know their mummy and want cuddles from us :)
My in laws don't say much about my bf (I'm the first one to do it that they know) but they are all about putting a rusk through the bottle to help them sleep. And heaven forbid I pick up my crying baby straight away . My MIL is fine, it's my SIL with all the 'tips'.
Yesterday DS fed at 6pm, 8pm, 10pm and then not until 4am, woo hoo!! . DH had him during the day as I was at work and I'd fed him twice before coming to work and he had two 8oz bottle of ebm.

Can I join? DS is now 20 weeks but sleeping has gone haywire since about 15 weeks. Used to wake a couple of times, feed then go back to sleep and I'd put him back in cot.

Now he wakes every 2-3 hours at night and generally won't settle. I put him in cot and within anything form 5 mins to 30 is awake and crying again. He will sleep better next to me on the bed so have reluctantly coslept a couple of times which makes things easier in some ways. Means DH banished to the sofa though which isn't great.

I am praying that weaning will help and am geared up for it as soon as he starts showing any signs of readiness, none as yet. probably won't make any difference but there is always a chance.

DD slept beautifully until a few weeks back, now has gone a little skew wiff. We're just doing whatever it takes to minimise the pain(!), we're pretty laid back/non-routine/lentil weaving with her anyway. SO I tend to co-cleep half the night cause she will sleep in her moses basket quite happily until her 3am ish feed. Sometimes she will then go back into her basket until 530ish, but sometimes she will want to come in with us at 3am. I've also had to reinstate her 10pm dreamfeed that we had dropped. She is a big girl though, likes her food! (EBF)

One question though, I have been swaddling her recently as she has taken to flailing a little and waking herself up. But I am worried that she won't start practising turning over etc because she is bound up, should I start working on releasing her and just calming her to sleep? She normally manages to free her arms eventually, they're generally free by either her 10pm or 3am feed.

I'm also worried cause she is getting to within a few inches of the end of her moses basket, but I don't want her going into her own room yet. Should I move to co-sleeping full time until she is old enough/we feel ready to move her, or find a way of bring her cot into our room? I fancied removing one side of the cot and having a kind of co-sleeping arrangement next to us, DH thinks it will be too big.

I had been thinking to start this thread for last couple of weeks. DD is 17 weeks and was starting to sleep 7-8 hours but then got a cough and it all went to pot. Cough has gone but sleep is still not sorted instead of feeding then going down again she falls asleep either by feeding or just being held but then cries about 5-10 min after going down- just after I've settled back into bed. When she started doing the long stretches she had been taking about 6oz ebm at 11 ish but now struggling to get 3 oz down.
Hopefully won't last too long

Ninky - how old is your baby?

Ahh, we're in such good company.
DS only sucks to sleep (or falls to sleep in his carrier) - which means that I'm on bedtime duty (dummies don't work for this, either). DH is in the spare room, and while we miss each other, specially the pre-sleep chatting, it's also something we're both happy with for the moment. I'm just glad ONE of us is getting enough sleep!

Last night DS woke every 2 hours until 3am and then every hour after that. That wasn't so fun. . . There was a point at 4.30 when I realised that he was sucking frantically just to get back to sleep - he then pulled off just cos I think he was full.... poor love!

2 more weeks till 20 weeks, and hopefully the worst will be past by then. I do sympathise with what lla said, though - I keep thinking 'maybe by xtime he'll be a better sleeper' . . .
Apparently DH was a terrible sleeper. I was 'fine' but then, I was allowed to scream in my cot till I gave up - so, not sure what I was actually like. Ah well, maybe he'll improve in time! They all sleep fairly well by the time they go to school, right?

[hollow, mocking laughter]

Ah yes, this is me :)

DS1, EBF, slept 7-7 with no feeds from the day he turned 3 months. Never had sleep regression.

DS2, EBF, hasn't slept longer than 4 hours ever - at worst goes an hour at a time but we co-sleep (like many here, not planned) and manage although sometimes it's horrid (I'm also working). In my experience of talking to others weaning doesn't help as it's not necessarily hunger. Also, DS1 has eczema and DS2 is dairy intolerant by proxy so I don't dare early wean.

This, like everything else, will pass...

Ninky, I don't think there's any evidence to suggest that a baby who's swaddled for sleep won't get the chance to learn to roll etc - as long as you're not swaddling during awake time too.

My DS was swaddled till 5 months, because he simply couldn't sleep without it, although I know babies who've been swaddled for much longer.

Agree with organiccarrotcake about weaning not necessarily helping - lots of babies (including my DS) sleep worse when starting solids as they have to get used to new feelings in their digestions. Waking two-hourly (or more often) is almost never a feeding issue IMO as it's to do with waking after every sleep cycle.

If you're an 'unplanned' co-sleeper (which I was at 4 months), you might like to read Three in a Bed by Deborah Jackson. It could persuade you into being an intentional co-sleeper (well, it did me!) and gives you good information for countering negative comments from family.

It does pass - I wouldn't have believed it at the time, but we got out of it, and DS wasn't even that good a sleeper before the 4 month regression.

I think we are going through this at the moment, at 18 weeks. She went through a phase of sleeping for 4 hour stretches at night but now is back to 2 hour - i am exhausted. I have been ill for about two weeks spanned i think lack of proper sleep/ rest is stopping me from feling better again!

I have said that we wil give it until Christmas and then if she is still like this other start some baby rice in the evenings( she will be nearly old enough by then anyway) OR try a bottle if formula at bedtime...I can see ahead to a time. Will feel rested at the moment!

How was everyone's night? We were not tooooo bad to begin with, down at 6, then up at 9 then 12, so I was thinking would be an ok night, but then she was up again at 1 and then she decided it was morning time at 515, bright eyed and ready for play. I'm ashamed to say I lost it and dh had to take her away so I could sleep, I shouted at both of them (in my defence I am recovering from novovirus which has been so bad my milk supply has been badly affected) and I just couldn't cope with the idea she would get up at 515 when she normally gets up at 6 ish). So I am a bad mummy :-(

She's 16 weeks but was a couple of weeks late- does that mean she should be out of this fairly soon????

How was everyone's night? We were not tooooo bad to begin with, down at 6, then up at 9 then 12, so I was thinking would be an ok night, but then she was up again at 1 and then she decided it was morning time at 515, bright eyed and ready for play. I'm ashamed to say I lost it and dh had to take her away so I could sleep, I shouted at both of them (in my defence I am recovering from novovirus which has been so bad my milk supply has been badly affected and I just couldn't cope with the idea she would get up at 515 when she normally gets up at 6 ish). So I am a bad mummy :-(

She's 16 weeks but was a couple of weeks late- does that mean she should be out of this fairly soon????

I naively thought that her sleep would just get better and better, had no idea that this could happen!

Sorry, posted twice by accident