4 month sleep regression hell: Support thread

[blackcurrants]

DS is 18 weeks and has never been a good sleeper (waking every 2-3 hours in the night) - but he used to go back to sleep immediately after I offered him a boob. I then either fell asleep next to him (got bed set up for safe co-sleeping) or waited five minutes and eased him into the co-sleeper next to the bed.

This has all changed: over the last two weeks he wakes every hour, feeds for AGES, sometimes won't go back to sleep, has also been teething since last week (poor lad) and generally totally exhausting.

I'm at the end of my rope. For the first time since he was born I've felt "I can't do this" - not sure what 'this' is exactly - breastfeeding, raising a child, both? I work three days a week but have cut back any other commitments at the moment so I can nap at every possible chance -on the days when I'm home I lie down every time DS does - but I'm still bloody knackered, and a wreck.

I've been searching my soul: did I respond too quickly to his cries when he was a newborn? Have I 'trained him' to wake up this often? Is it time he was in his own room? Is it time I was in my own room, in another (warmer) country, after a name change? I'm definitely a bad mother for all this breastfeeding co-sleeping nonsense, after all, because friends who 'let their baby cry a bit' MONTHS ago have had 6-7 hours each ever since....
(yes, a friend let her baby CIO at 3 months old. Yes, she's still my friend. Yes, it upsets me that she did that, but no, her daughter's not suffering - indeed, they're all insufferably perky and happy and well-rested looking)....

Anyway, I don't want to stop being a breastfeedy, co-sleepy, respond-to-crying baby-y weirdo - and DH is right there with me - but I DO need to remind myself, now and then, that this is the 4 month sleep regression and not 'my chickens coming home to roost' or 'the rod for my own back'... it's a developmental stage, not my failures as a new mum.

I feel lots better for writing all that, actually! [cgrin]

I know there are other people going through the same lack-of-sleep torment as me - come and have a vent. You'll feel better. We can commiserate and share notes!

LooLOO - I don't know how anyone copes with more than one child, I really don't - respect to you. Not to bad for us last night - down ay 8pm, up at 11pm, 3am, 6am and then 7.30am. Actually pretty good looking at it. Worked out that if she's not hungry I can switch on the pre-recorded sound of me shu-shing and reassuring her on the monitor and then go back to sleep! That worked for the 6am wake-up but had to do feeds at all the others.

Peppa, best of luck with the interviews etc - I've got a friend in RL who's going through the same process and it's horrendous. I've also got work to do, and redundancy might be in the offing (public sector, but not an academic), but at least I don't have other children. Getting the work done is going to be a nightmare, though - deadline is end of Feb, my maternity leave ends at the end of Jan.

We weren't brilliant last night but it could have been worse - down at 7.30, up at 10.15, 2.15, 4.00 and 6.15. All feeds, and he decided he was up for the day at 6.15, but DH took him over to let me sleep a bit longer so I'm feeling a bit better than I was.

Have been reading this thread and wanted to say thank you.

Despite this being my third baby I've never experienced this before and it has come as a bit of a shock to say the least.

Am especially glad because I am still EBF (DS is now 17 weeks old) and the longest I've ever managed to breastfeed before this was 10 weeks. Needless to say this little wobble made me think that BF was the problem, but the thought of stopping now really upsets me.

Finding this thread has reassured me and given me the confidence to carry on with what I'm doing.

Thank you and I hope all you LO's grow out of it really soon

Thanks Petsville - perhaps we know each other in real lif

What's this Rescue Remedy? Can children have it? Please tell me more.

We are still on every 2 hours after a 3 hour stretch from 7-10. Then 12, 2 ....you get the picture.

The other night he missed out the 2 am one and so I got 4 hours sleep - bliss.

Sentences you never thought you would say 'I got 4 hours sleep - bliss'

I think children can have rescue remedy - check the website. Miniscule alcohol content I think (or used to maybe not now) but really talking miniscule.

Hi all - am having to mark my place much to my dispair...I feel the regression is coming with a vengence...

My DS is now 14wks old and I think we are going to be at the early end of the sleep regression spectrum. He has always slept relatively well up to this last week and now will go down for a few hours from about 7/8pm but once he has woken for a feed he is wide awake and will not go back off to sleep properly - we are exhausted. Last night he wouldn't even go to bed at all - took us 3 hours just to get him to go off four 3 hours sleep....

Looks like some of you have been dealing with this for a while now - respect to you all! Any main tips without me having to read the whole thread?

Cheers.xx

BTW - we have FF since birth and he has always slept in his moses basket. No problems napping in the day and is taking the majority of his bottles - generally 6-7oz a time and between 5 and 6 bottles a day depending on what time he gets up.

He is definately teething ATM too.

Rescue remedy is a Bach Flower Remedy - you can goggle it. It is basically homeopathy Children can have it - whilst it is preserved in alcohol you are only giving them a few drops or rubbing it into their skin/pressure points so that is not a concern. If you prefer you can use night rescue remedy which is alcohol free. It's role is too sooth and calm - I've used it my whole life for exams, times of stress etc. As sleep regression is stressful for babies it seems natural to me to use it. It certainly won't prevent them waking if hungry but just might help them chill if they are waking as their littles brains are busy working on developmental leaps.

All said it is just very very dilute flower essences in water - the worst it will do is nothing! But it does seem to be helping DD - she is waking when hungry but not so much when she is stressed and it is much easier to get to sleep initially.

At first I worried I was giving her a remedy for my own connivence but then I thought - sleep is good for babies and she is so much happier when she gets some - so I think it is def worth a try!

Have got the usual one but didn't know there was a night one. Am off to Holland and Barret to buy one tomorrow - anything is worth a try!

Oooh have loads from pregnancy! Maybe he is missing it

my ds3 is 7.5 months. often slept 10pm to 3am until 4 months, then since that he is awake every hour or more. started going to bed at 7ish at 5.5 months, but wakes loads in the evenings - every 30-40 mins. struggle to eat a decent meal and impossible to do all other chores.

i'm co-sleeping but still fed up and tired. it seems never ending, no improvement. ds2 was a a bad sleeper, but i think this is even worse. ds2 has just started sleeping reasonably - he is 3 .

i need to read NCSS again, but too tired and busy!

Oh Weasle - I was hoping that by 7 months my LO would have settled down! Does he have any kind of long stretch after he goes to bed?

My DD did the waking up lots in the early evening when she was about 6 months but longer stretches as the night wore on.

DS is still on his 2 hourly wakenings.........I wondered if it was habit or hunger but when I reached into his cot last night to check him he tried desperately to latch onto my arm! I think it was hunger! Going to pick up with weaning from today.

I think things may be getting a bit better here: DS slept from 7.30 to midnight last night, then woke at 2.30 to feed, grumbled a bit at 4.00, fed at 4.30. Unfortunately he then grumbled on and off till he woke up for the day at 6.15, so I didn't get any more sleep, but he is actually sleeping more. (Does anyone else find that the couple of hours before a poo are whingey, or is DS particularly sensitive to his own bowel movements? We had a horrendous nappy at 6.30.) I'm thinking of moving him into his own room so that I don't wake at the first whinge (he's 5 months, so it would be a bit earlier than the advice suggests, but not ridiculously early).

Petsville - so glad to hear things are improving for! We had a much better night also - 8pm-11.00pm, 11.30pm to 4.00am (bliss!) and the 4.45am to 7.45am, with a grumble at 6am which I managed to intercept and soothe in 5 minutes. So much better. I'm sticking with the night rescue remedy......fiftot - hope it works for you!

Hi all, just checking in. DS is 24 weeks so should be coming out of the regression now, surely? We have some better nights but last night he was on a 2.5 hour cycle which was a bit of a killer. We've started weaning and he's very very keen so maybe that will help at some stage.

Am wondering if we've had a breakthrough.

Think DS is teething and yesterday Nelsons granules and calgel calmed him down instantly which gave him a break as he had been screaming for hours at a time and seemed to be in pain.

Last night fed at 5pm gave him a bath with DS1 then he was asleep by 6.30.

THEN fed at 10, 2 and 6 and went straight down after each feed.

Like other posters now that I'm reading it I can't believe I think that's so good but having had several days of 2 hourly feeds day and night I feel like I've won the lottery!

Wishing you all a good night

DD slept from 8.30-2.30 and then 3.00-6.30 last night I could cry with happiness - is this the beginning of the end??

Zimm - hope it is a breakthrough. Remind me how old your LO is.

I had an awful night tbh. Decided that since DS only feeds 3-4 hourly in day, he really doesn't need 2 hourly feeds all night so thought would try and wean him off the midnight feed and only do 10, 2, 4 and 6.

Thought I would just comfort him and not feed at 12. Ha! He cried incessantly for 1 hour and 40mins and in the end I just caved in due to a pure need just to get to sleep. So much for my resolve.

Will have to try again tonight. Only 4 more weeks til I am back at work and I must crack this by then or I am doomed!

fifitot, huge sympathy. We had another bad one - feeds "only" at 12.30, 2.30 and 6.15, but he woke at 4, needed a nappy change and then was a nightmare to get back to sleep. I've also got only 4 weeks till I go back to work and I'm getting a bit desperate.

we had a good night, 10.30,2.30(wow 4 hours!!!!) 5.45 then awake. TBH i wish I'd started weaning at 5m, it's taking her so long to get the hang of it (she's now 26w and I started at 24w).

fifi i tried trying to settle her a few weeks ago and decided that i'm not spending my nights toughing it out with a hungry? baby. Once she's eating lots of solid food I'll get tough.
zimm the other 2 were not like this, one slept through from 7 weeks and plunged through the centiles only to nosh his way to the 90th once weaned, one woke less but screamed a lot more.

Fiftot - DD is 5 months. I too, deeply hope this is a breakthrough. I never bother trying to settle DD without feeding - it doesn't seem worth the effort. i figured she's dropped night feeds of her own accord before and she can drop them again. I figure BF is both food and comfort so may as well use it. Sounds like you had a rotten night - huge sympathy.

I am getting optimistic that she's done her development spurt and will now chill a bit - we've seen loads of news skills in the last couple of days. So maybe we'll get a break before th 26 week spurt hits!

LooL00 - I'm glad all three of your DC;s did not inflict this hell upon you - but I still cannot imagine having more then one child.....I will of course end up with 2 and maybe 3, just feels undoable right now!

Hello ladies, jumping in here.

I have a wee 4.5mo girl who used to have a nice manageable two-feed sleeping pattern, going from c. 8.30 til 2 when she'd get a breast feed and a top up, and then 3.30-6.30 with a feed and snooze in bed with me from then til some time bertwee 8 and 9. A few days a fortnight she'd want an extra feed before midnight and then it would dissappear again.

Now, though, she's back to sleeping for 3 hours and then waking up every 60-90 minutes for at least a short feed, like she's a new born again.

Unlike some of you others though, apart from being difficult to get off the boob in her sleep (wakes easily and wants back on), her feeds aren't going on for ages. In fact we're struggling with her 2am top up because her dad keeps putting her down after her nappy change to go get the bottle and coming back to find her asleep on the mat!

So, could she be getting enough milk in these shorter feeds or is she waking pretty much every sleep cycle because she's hungry?

Why not drop the top up? Does she actually need it or would it not be easier just to BF her if she woke then?

BTW - have no idea if she is waking because is hungry, quite possibly though at 4.5 months,may be a growth spurt?

I am leaning towards dropping the top-up, but a bit nervous about doing so given her history of having random weeks here and there where she gains very little and the HVs freak out (her gains are usually on the lower side of what they want). We recently started her on gaviscon which seems to be helping in that respect, but going cold turkey on a 4oz feed seems unwise. I've suggested we only bother cajoling her into drinking 3oz for now...