BIL thinks DD’s hair needs “taming”

[Foreveraskingquestions]

I’m trying not to be to sensitive but I can’t help it. As I guess it brings back some trauma of being a young black girl and absolutely hating my hair and skin.

My daughter has beautiful afro hair and I always try and leave it in her natural state as much as possible. She has mentioned on numerous occasions how she wants it’s straight like her friends at nursery. But I have managed to bring her round to loving her curls.

anyway today we went on a trip and her how obviously frizzed up due to the wind. BIL starts to laugh saying can’t I do something with it? “Her hair is bigger than her head” I said you do realise she has Afro hair regardless of her being mixed she still has my hair.

Then he mentioned soaking it and putting some product in it to weigh it down and tame it. I repeated to him again that she has AFRO hair.

i understand that he doesn’t mean no harm but Jesus Christ just let my daughter be herself.

AIBU to be annoyed? I feel so angry

Your brother in law is at best insensitive and at worst racist..,

This is appalling! How DARE he shame your daughters hair? And as for giving "advice" wtf??! Who on earth does he think he is?!

I personally wouldn't be having a "nice, calm conversation" about this! I'd be telling him right off and he'd never open his mouth to comment about my child's hair ever again!

He's not related to her its entirely strange he's messing with her hair plus coming to you with a conversation about your girlchild and her hair. The whole situation and the set up with her regularly out with him(!) screams weird. Protect your daughter.

Tell him to fuck off (politely or otherwise) and focus on his own hair. Seems abit ofd of him to be so invested in your dd hair.

What race is your BIL? The intensity of my fury (as there will still be fury) is very dependent on the answer to that question. Just checking if it’s straightforward racism or internalised racism/respectability politics at play here.

Just put him in his place. You will have many years of this to come sadly. Start as you mean to go on.

why is BIL so involved with you and your daughter ?
what is the set-up here.
it sounds weird.
you are being too polite with him.
shut it him down.
his attitude sounds poss detrimental to your DD.
give him a wide berth.

I wish I had hair that needed 'taming'. I'd comb it out as big as the planet and leave it bouncing everywhere I go. It would have it's own passport.