March 2018 (Part 3)

[Poochieblue]

Hi, Just thought I would start this before we ran out of space on part 2 and we all got lost again :-)

Link to Part 2 here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2983783-March-2018-Part-2?

Hope that works and hope i'm not stomping on someone's toes xx

Hi flatwhite don't have any personal experience myself to offer with regards to TTC again but just to let you know that thinking of you. Take things slow and allow yourself time to grieve, as other's have said I think we would all be in same situation right now. And other people's experience of how long it took them might not apply for you.
Just wondering though, some hospitals have access to bereavement midwives or counsellors so if you feel it would help it might be worth asking if there is anyone like that available if you just need someone objective to vent to?

Just another reminder to say to anyone who wants to join the secret Facebook group to send me a private message with the email address you use to log on (to Facebook) and I'll email you the link.

@flatwhite31 Don't be hard on yourself, you're amazing for going on holiday after this - I pretty much shut myself up for two months. It sounds trite but everything you're going through is completely natural - the bewilderment, the pain, the futility of everything else. Unfortunately you need to feel like this to get onto the path of recovery, it really sucks though I know.

If you need to take yourself off and be alone, do it - just tell DH you need some alone time, that it's not a reflection on him, you just need a bit of headspace. If you're finding restaurants hard are there any places you can pick up a pizza and bring it back to your room and just slob about rather than feeling like you have to put on a front and go out?

Weirdly, although I am anxious this pregnancy, I've not been as bad as I feared - I think because I've already experienced what I was so frightened of before, so I know there's nothing I can do that will change whatever the outcome is going to be this time either. This lack of control has strangely made it easier to get a grip on my anxieties - I hope you'll feel similar when it happens for you again as it is hard after MMC or MC, anxieties are a hundred fold.

If you ever want to chat please do PM me. You're in my thoughts x

Pleased to hear things are working out for you this time @Tiberius :)

Hi all :)
I'm due March 3rd, a few complications in previous pregnancies (no children yet) so didn't want to join a birth club too soon.
Hope I can contribute here a little. I'll be 14 weeks on Saturday, officially out of 1st trimester- depending on who's measuring how long 1t trimester is...

Was just reading through last couple of pages

@flatwhite31 I'm so sorry for what you're going through. The pain and bleeding are absolutely normal- not necessarily a sign of damaged womb- as are the awful feelings you're having. You are entitled to any emotion you're having right now. My last MMC completed in Feb with an ERPC. I started trying again in early June (when I felt ready) and fell pregnant with this one straight away.
I'm on a bunch of meds as I have some issues which if this is your first MC I highly doubt you do. Maybe worth asking your doc about Cyclogest pessaries if you are worried about your womb. They are progesterone meds that strengthen you around that area and may give you more confidence when you get your next bfp :)
@minervamouse77 Sorry you're having worries about your test results. I had a harmony test and believe they are about 99% accurate in telling you your risks, so you can pretty trust that over the nuchal. I had NHS nuchal and a private nuchal, the private was not even comparable! Absolutely amazing, he looked at many features of the babies anatomy that could indicate downs. If you are still concerned after your harmony and don't want an invasive test, feel free to pm me. I can give you his details for a chat to see if he thinks he can help more.

I just feel like everything I was looking forward to has gone like joining you guys on the Facebook group, getting the 12 week scan photos, hearing the baby's heartbeat at my 16 week midwife appointment, having the 20 week scan the week of my birthday, introducing my nephew (who lives in China) to his new cousin next year. Now I'll have to tell him (he'll be 4 in March) that there won't be a cousin to meet next year when he comes to visit. That's what I'm grieving the most I think - the loss of all those things. People keep saying to 'look to the future', but I have no dates like I did. I liked the security of knowing about all of those, but now they've all been stolen from me. My friends who haven't experienced this just don't understand. One even text me saying work would be a good distraction, when actually I could do with some more time to grieve, and the thought of work fills me with anxiety.

@Flatwhite31 I know how you feel. When I was first pregnant the timing was terrible with work etc, but I'd got my head around it and was excited just to have it all ripped away again. It's not the loss of the baby so much as the loss of the planned future that I struggled with. Take the time you need, it will get easier.

For what it's worth, I fell pregnant again on the 4th cycle after miscarrying. My first 3 cycles were shorter than usual and I had pre AF spotting which I never had before. I think it took my body those months to recover physically and then as soon as I had I got another BFP.

Oh @Flatwhite31 it's normal to feel like that. It hurts a lot but take the time you need to feel better in yourself. Some people like the distraction of work (I did) but for others time out to grieve is a better healer.

Look after yourself x

@scottishem sounds similar to an experience I had - I gave a urine sample at the EPAU a couple of days later after scan (all fine and no evidence of where the blood could have come from) and it came back positive for a UTI but I had no symptoms at all. Could be worth checking in with your GP and giving a sample. Hope you're ok - I know how worried I was.

@Flatwhite31 I can't really understand how it must feel, although it's a big fear for me having to go through it too so I imagine I would also find having all my plans and mental map derailed like that. Once you've given yourself time to grieve and feel these emotions which are important to feel in order to reach closure do you think in time you might be able to start thinking about new dates ahead? So for example this will be the date we start trying again, this would be the date I could start testing etc.

I'm assuming that your nephew already knows from what you've said about breaking the news, but perhaps you could get his parents to tell rather than taking it on yourself? He's still pretty young and may not get these kinds of concepts yet so they could say something like his little cousin is going to be a late? And chances are you'll have a bump that he can say hello to by March.

These are just suggestions though, and you need to grieve in your own way. It sounds like your work involves Mums and babies so I'm not surprised you want a break from it.

Thanks everyone, you're all so so lovely. I'm so gutted I won't be joining you all with your lovely babies next year.

@flatwhite31 I know :( I felt the same as you. I would have a 6 month old if my first pregnancy worked, or a 3 month old if the second had.

I'm sure you will get your chance soon. It's not unusual for the first pregnancy to miscarry- I know a few people who have had one and then go into have a healthy baby after pregnancy 2. Its usually just their body trying to figure out how to do this for the first time ever!

It's more unusual to have two or more MC- for me the problem was thyroid related and since resolving that, so far so good.

@mamasiz that's interesting I have a past of being prone to Uti's so will definately drop a sample in to my dr for testing, also read online that for alot of women it was first signs of thrush.
Luckily I've had no more since Wednesday night and when I think about it now it was such a small amount but every little think out of the ordinary makes you panic when you're pregnant!

Wishing everyone a relaxing, sunny weekend

Hi guys, can I join you?
I'm due March 3rd with my first baby.
Took 18 months to conceive as I never had a period/ovulated after coming off the pill-must have caught it on the very first ovulation after having acupuncture for 6 months.
Low platelet count at my booking appointment but otherwise things have been fairly 'normal' so far (not that I think there is such thing as a normal pregnancy!)

Welcome to the thread, Wiggle4!

Who else has their scan this week? Mine's on Tuesday, and I'm excited and anxious in equal measure - just hoping everything is OK.

Hi Wiggle, congrats on the pregnancy after all that hard work :) Glad to hear it's all going well

Givemethetea, good luck with the scan. Will it be your first scan? How exciting

Morning ladies 😊 I had my scan last thurs and am now 13w + 3. All good, baby was touching it's face, crossing legs and swallowing! Feeling a bit more positive about the whole pregnancy thing now and it feels way more real. I'm due 8th March but due to being diabetic and it being an elcs they'll most likely want to deliver poss end of Feb.. I think I'll push for March though if all healthy.
Has anyone thought about whether they'll find out gender? We are, id stay team yellow but dp wants to know and he'll never get through 20 weeks without accidently telling me anyway lol.

@Countdowntofour I've been thinking about this a lot. We found out with our current 3 and always said if we had one more we'd keep it a surprise but with there being two, I think I'll have to find out!

And I'm glad your scan went well

Thanks for the welcome guys!
Givemethetea good luck with the scan! I was so anxious before mine and we'd had one at 8 weeks! I'm sure everything will be fine
I keep changing my mind about whether I want to find out sex or not. DP doesn't mind either way-I'll wait and see how I feel on the day!

I think id find out if I had twins too Sally lol.
I didn't find out with my first two and it was so exciting finding out when they were actually born. Number three I found out, could prepare better but obv didn't get the 'it's a...' bit at the end. Dp wants to know as we already have 3 girls.. I'm not bothered what we have 2bh but I'm leaning towards another girl as I feel like I'm experienced in that gender 😂

@Countdowntofour I have 3 girls too and would love another too (Shhh don't tell DH )

Two.. would love another two! I'm not switched on this morning