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DH works away, do I wait to tell him BFP

12 replies

Tmbtp · 06/12/2020 07:43

After two year of trying for dc number 2 I've just got my bfp. I am so so excited. But here is my dilemma, my husband works at sea and isn't going to be home now until the end of the month.

Part of me really wants to tell him now, and part of me really wants to try and keep it to myself for the next 3 and a bit weeks and tell him in person.

We had agreed we would book fertility tests for January and I almost feel its not fair to string him along until the end of the month but at the same time I really want to be able to tell him in person.


OP posts:
edin16 · 06/12/2020 07:47

I waited. DP was away when I found out.
I found out at 10 weeks and he wasn't home until I was 15 weeks so I did tell my mum who came to my scan and that. If it had been any longer I'd have caved and told him. It was also easier because we couldn't FaceTime so I couldn't have a proper conversation anyway.
It was tricky having to hide it from everyone though as I started showing quite early.

Tmbtp · 06/12/2020 18:07

Thanks for your reply. Oh wow, that's a long time to have had to wait! I've already nearly cracked today after only hours.

I think I will tell my mum just in case anything happens so then at least one person knows what's going on. Also I was quote sick last time I probably only have a couple of weeks before I start throwing up all the time so might good to have so help with dd.

OP posts:
OhioOhioOhio · 06/12/2020 19:17

I'd be really pissed off to not know. Really, really hurt.

Mosaic123 · 06/12/2020 19:19

Tell him now. Tell him it's his early Christmas present.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 06/12/2020 19:22

It's difficult, because it would be a lovely thing for him to come back to, but it's also 3+ weeks of not knowing, depending on how he is with news, he may be annoyed you didn't tell him?
But then again it's not really the sort of need I'd want to give dh over the phone.

Sorry that wasnt much help... Congratulations!!!

Bumble84 · 06/12/2020 19:22

That’s a tricky one. I think I’d have to tell him but maybe try and make it special somehow. Like if you can FaceTime get the dc1 wearing a t shirt or something

KormaKormaChameleon · 06/12/2020 19:28

I'd tell him now so you can start sharing it together, it's his baby and his news as much as yours, he should know the parenting journey of his second child has started! You can talk about how excited you are in the next few weeks and then have a fantastic and extra special reunion at the end of the month.
If anything happens I think it will be harder for him to wrap his head round it and support you if it is after the fact, and if it all goes ok he doesn't deserve to be left out, especially with fertility tests etc looming.
He's a Dad to a little bundle of cells! He should know that!

ivfbeenbusy · 06/12/2020 19:28

I kept the BFP from our 5th and final round of IVF quiet for about 10 days until it was fathers day to make it a nice surprise x

KormaKormaChameleon · 06/12/2020 19:29

And Congratulations x

FallingStar · 10/12/2020 12:12

Personally I'd tell him but I've had repeated losses so would want his support. Plus I'd definitely want to know!

BatmanBaby · 10/12/2020 13:30

I'd be very upset to not know, and I know my partner would be the same.

TisTheSeasonToEatLots · 18/12/2020 20:31

If you had only just started trying for a baby and had fallen pregnant right away I’d have said hold off, but seeing as you are at the point where you are talking fertility tests, so he’s thinking something is wrong with one of you I think I’d tell him.

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