Worst xmas ever, and will it ever get better???

[Begsy]

My lovely mum passed away on 28th Oct 2009 due to ovarian cancer (wow that was hard to type), and have just spent the worst day of my life with my dad and sis. I have not seen my dad cry like that since she had passed away I feel that my heart has been shattered in to pieces - and do u know wot I am doing now??? - listening to the song that was played at her funeral.....why???....cos it reminds me of her....she chose it long before she got to ill - how sad is that???. Oh god I love and miss her so much, please, please just bring her back x

oh Begsy, so sorry for your loss. It will get less raw over time. My dad died in October too, it was an odd day today, trying to remember him and keep the old Xmas stuff going too for DS. You need time to sort out your thoughts and then to think a bit more, and probably quite a lot of time, or so it seems.

Begsy I'm so sad for you, nothing that I can say to help, but just remember her love for you and how it has made you the person you are today.
Christmas is a very, very hard time when you have lost somebody.
Sorry

I'm so sorry.

Just do what ever you feel that you need to do, there is no right or wrong way of dealing with all this, is you want to wail and sob with music, then do it. I used to go and hide in Richmond Park (London) in the trees, I needed to hide and be comforted by nature, I found it really soothing to sit and lean against a massive tree, like the strength helped me.

I used to carry a small bottle of vodka in my handbag at first, something just to take the edge off, the very thought of anyone asking me how I was would set me off. I did not turn into a alcoholic, but it helped me with the rawness of the pain and having to get on and breathe everyday.

Yes, it will get 'better', however you want to define that. The first Christmas after my mum died was a cruel joke, the next few not much less awful. But it got easier.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It will feel very raw just now and you need to just feel whatever you're feeling and not try and jolly along for the sake of whatever.

Well here is to another night i wish u were here for, i can't believe the year we have all had. I hope are at peace now mum, but just wanted to say how much i miss and love you and hurt so much and would love u to be here with me now to dry my tears.

Where ever u are mum i hope u know i love u so much, and that i think about u all the time

RIP Beryl Baker 28/10/09

Forever in my heart and always
Jenna x x x

Dear Jenna (hope it's all right to use the name you gave),
I wish you a new year. A new heart, or new strings to your heart, to gently twine around the strings snapped when your mother left (sorry for the brutal image, but it sounds as though you do think she was torn away...), to bind up yor wounds. I believe we keep our beloved dead with us, so you may cry again and again, at very strange moments, but that returning grief is just as sign that you are keeping her alive in yourself.

I wish you new joys and new interests, which you may want to share with your remembered mother, as well as with the people around you.

I wish you a long life, to keep her alive in your memory for the length of time you believe she deserved to have.

I also offer you the more traditional New Year's wish of the best of health and of success. Have sweet dreams tonight.

I hope it gets easier for you, it sounds so hard- you will take all your lovely memories into 2010, I'm sure.

I feel so down, i have never felt like this in my entire life, how cruel it is that when the one person you love the most is taken from you.

I am even sadder i that she was taken from me before she died, as she had sufferered 2 strokes before she died she didn't even know who i was. I hope she knew i loved her so much, and always will - i feel so robbed of a mum and never got to say googdbye to her x x

Hello, Begsy, how are you feeling this morning?

Begsy I am so sorry you are suffering like this . It will get easier honest , at the moment your pain is so raw . I completely understand you listening to her music even though you know it is going to hurt so much .

I used to call it picking the scab . Grim image but it describes it well I think .

You obviously love your mum very much and I am sure she knows just how much .

Be kind to yourself and do what you need to , to help you get through .

Join us here Begsy

Bugsy please join the thread below, you are not alone and we all help each other x

sorry, Begsy